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E3: Just how hardcore is the Wii U?

Uhhh� for once I wrote this part of my blog last. Usually it�s the first bit, and it functions as a warm up for the rest of the blog. Today I didn�t need that. What I was trying to get out pretty much came out on its own� like a nice heal...


When did I become my dad?

That I am writing this is an indicator that I have nothing better to do. The objective worth of that statement has no bearing on how wildly its connotation can vary, which is to say that it is both meaningless and polarizing. Neither of t...


Let me show you what I've done with some crayons

Click here to see the above at its full resolution Too much coffee. Too much coffee. Too much coffee. Painting used to be one of my hobbies, and I say used to because I can't do it where I currently live. Its really messy, or at least w...


Monthly Unamusing: Your Mouth, Valve's Wang

Let me begin this by saying that I am a small, hateful person that should be avoided or ignored, and that the opinion expressed in this blog is my own, and has no intention to troll, but rather used to vent some steam so I can go back to ...


RE: Your role in this game

You should know better than reading this. You really should. I am about to take a fair bit of your time and leave you with nothing show for it. I'm me. I haven't properly introduced myself, and I don't intend to. It's not that I don't ...


Aaamaazing: Guilt, I know you.

Hopefully this isn't as overwrought as I think it is. Finality, the inevitable, time's march, all of these things are signified in the grains of sand as they precipitate from the top from the top of an hourglass. Whether they came from a...


An audioblog about how I read C-Blogs

There have been a few C-Blog FAQs and tutorials made in the past. While they go through how to create a good blog, and that's all well and good, there's still no easy way to truly gauge reader reaction, or even who your audience is in the f...


Everyone's a critic.

�I make pictures and someone comes in and calls it art.� - Willem De Kooning That's how I feel about it. While it is good and well that art in its purest form is simply something that has been created with the intent to evoke an emotiona...


About falsenippleone of us since 7:51 PM on 04.15.2010

I can't think of a good reason why I blog here, and honestly I think its only because I lack the self-control not to. In the past I have wasted way too much time socializing online simply because I liked the anonymity and all the stupid trolling that entailed.

Of course, this is a different place, you're all respectable people, and I am an adult who has grown into his three inch penis and the inferiority complex that accompanies it.

Hi, my name is J/Jordan/falsenipple, but you can call me whatever you like, or summarily ignore me if that better suits your fancy. I'm nearing on being old enough to be dead, from Chicago, and have been gaming since I was 6, which was awhile ago.

I have yet to mature since then, nor have I become skilled enough to beat Megaman 2, although it hasn't stopped me from soundly losing until I have won every other game.

None of the previously mentioned things actually mean much to me though. Frankly, as any good troll is, I am more interested in other people, which is why I don't talk about myself too often. I've got a mouthful of feet and a throat full of Achilles' heels. So making this introduction is more than awkward for me.

Most of the time I just stalk people around until they assume that I'm their friend, or a friend of their friend, who unassumingly has been shadowing the lot of them and pocketing scraps of their hair to make dolls out of.

Forget that you read that last bit. Also forget that I've ended multiple sentences with propositions. The devil made me do it.

I guess I should keep at whatever it is I am doing here.



1. Are you a gamer?

No, but I've passed the Turing Test, so I can't rightfully be called a game anymore.

2. What?

Just go with it.

3. Seriously?


4. Are you going to continue asking yourself questions in the third person?

I didn't ask for schizophrenia, but I'll sure as shit not be sassed by my own psychosis. NEXT QUESTION PLEASE~!

5. What games are you currently playing or would like to play in the future?

Battlefield 3, Dark Souls, Magic: The Gathering, Bioshock Infinite, and a bunch of other garbage. It's a lot easier just to stalk people online through their gamertag and psn tag than actually answer something like this.

You could look at mine (GT:OMGhotdogs, PSN:jsapper), but I don't exactly like most people enough to to game with them, let alone accept friend requests. I'm kind of a misanthrope, and spend most of my time mumbling to myself and hiding in dark places within online shooters hoping to ambush someone and steal their wallet and possibly ask them how punctuation works. You know, so I can type up readable things instead of things like this.

6. Are you alright?


7. Stop staring at me.

That's not a question.

8. You're not making this any easier.

Funnel Cake?