Bothered by Beavers: Why I hate Donkey Kong 64

This did it better.

While the game may hold your hand in many of the puzzle-solving aspects, some of the gameplay is downright hard. I only say some, because the majority of the game is actually quite easy once you get down the grind of things. However, every now and then the game will throw at you a challenge way above that of the rest of the game. If this only applied to extraneous things unrelated to the plot, then I say go right ahead and include them. But I think many people will agree with me when I mention the Donkey Kong arcade game challenge. Basically, you can open up the original arcade Donkey Kong and beat 4 levels of it for a golden banana (oddly enough, this leaves DK playing a game in which he is the antagonist). This is fairly simple, until this fucking bird flies in and tells you to beat it again to win the Nintendo Coin. Little do you know at that point in the game, but you won't be able to access the final boss unless you have that coin. Except this time, the game is 5 times harder. I wouldn't be surprised to find if people still have uncompleted save files simply because of this mission.

And then of course there's the namesake of this rant--Beaver Bother. This is but one of the annoying as hell banana challenges you can access (which, by the way, have nothing to do with the actual game but are minigames that you often play more than once). Beaver Bother is a minigame in which you herd beavers into a hole in the floor. There is no strategy to it. There is no preferred method. The AI doesn't change based on what you're doing, I was silly enough to believe that maybe it did. I soon discovered that you're essentially playing a luck-based minigame. All you can do is run around in a circle, barking, hoping to god that they will pile themselves in the pit before time runs out. Of course, there are difficult parts outside of the banana challenges and Nintendo Coin mission (e.g., the Beetle races, the Rabbit race, your mileage may vary on the bosses) but this is absolutely the worst part of the game that made me want to put it down forever.

This game is just an oxymoron. It's very easy and it's brutally difficult. It's long-winded and it falls just short. It's complicated and lazy. Seriously, in many of the levels, there are structures with multiple entrances. They require you to either press a character-specific button or use an instrument to open each door. Then you have to either do a bit of uninspired platforming or go on a random killing spree to reveal the banana or a banana challenge. That is just lazy.

And yes. I do know that Banjo Tooie was released a year later, but that means they were both being developed at the same time. They have many similar aspects, but Banjo Tooie did it all better. I do know they are both Rare games. That doesn't mean that Rare didn't make sub-par games. And I even like Starfox Adventures. I also completed the game 101%. So every judgment I've made of this game I do have the right to assert. You can feel free to disagree with me, but nothing will change my mind. This game is decent, at its highest points. At its lowest, it's worse than Superman 64. Which I played. It isn't as bad as people say. But that's just me.

---

LOOK WHO CAME:

burningsoup