Um... i-is it too late for an E3 predictions blog? Not that I care. BAKA!

I really shouldn't be, but I am excited for this E3. About as excited as I would be for real meat day in the school cafeteria, but excited nonetheless.

I hope that doesn't sound too cynical as I do love playing video games, but I'm becoming less and less interested in events where all we do is announce or tease them. Unless there are actual gameplay demos or some monumentally amazing, Earth-shattering reveals like a new Earthbound (see what I did there?), Prey 2 (again), or the whereabouts of the Dreamcast I lost in a move well over a decade ago, I have to assume the worst because that's what this industry has done to me in just this past year. 

Or Nintendo's regularly-scheduled Directs have finally spoiled me. 

Perhaps if Bethesda's conference weren't today and, instead, way after folks like EA, Ubisoft, and MS, I would not have quite the energy I have now. It'll be nice to start things off with a stream of news I have a great amount of interest in and have some surprises here or there to keep me invested until Sony's the next evening and then a Nintendo conference not half a day away from that. 

What are these things I'm interested in about Bethesda? What will these "surprises" be? Where the hell is my Dreamcast?!

Bethesda will reveal Doom to the mass public and it'll be pretty good 

Not just good, but pretty good. You more rabid fans of Doom may be ecstatic because they bring back that thing I didn't know needed bringing back or they do a reference to a stage or event from the first two that I don't get because it isn't from the first 30 minutes of either title, but I will look upon it with more than a vague interest. 

If nothing else, it's fucking Doom. Even if I don't care about it that much, there's a great deal of significance that Doom holds in video gaming and we haven't been blessed with a full sequel since 2004's Doom 3. It's like GTA or Mario. Another one has to release every so often to make sure our moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandma's, and grandpa's remember that video games are still kicking and they should be very afraid for our future. 

Capcom will announce a fully 3D Phoenix Wright for Wii U, using the engine from Catherine

You don't believe me? Well, it's better that you don't because it's never gonna happen, but it would be amazing. 

Like Doom, I only have so much interest in the franchise, but playing Persona 4: Golden recently has reminded me that I do love a good murder mystery story and they've already proven they can make Phoenix Wright look awesome in 3D. And that was just on the 3DS. 

So, imagine the bar and nightmare intermission scenes from Catherine, overlayed with Phoenix Wright investigations, keeping with the menu-centric court sequences, adding in more dynamic presentation during, and you have a game I would play and do a smile at while doing so. 

Nintendo won't announce another Metroid and both you and I should deal with that

A lot of people will be disappointed by something during Nintendo's conference on Tuesday and my instincts tell me it's going to be a severe lack of even so much as a mention and a wink from Reggie in regards to their Metroid franchise. 

Actually, no. They will announce a Metroid amiibo line and laugh so hard Iwata can hardly even utter his iconic "Please understand.". Reggie will shove Iwata aside and say "That's rude.". But, as he looks into the camera to sign off, he visably wants to laugh. He'll buckle under the pressure, snort several times, then burst and resume pointing and laughing. 

Destructoid will then implement an amiibo subsection of the site where they will moderate all those even mildly perturbed by this news onto it and they will not move from there until they can appreciate all that Nintendo has done for us. Especially the amiibo. And the Powerglove. And Wii Music. And the Virtual Boy. 

Especially the Virtual Boy. 

The inevitable Fallout 4 gameplay demo will put all my fears to rest 

When Fallout 3 released and I first played it, for reasons I still can't figure, I absolutely hated it. I said, outloud, "I... I fucking hate this. And I have no idea why.". My feelings eventually changed and I managed to explore for countless hours without actually getting anywhere with the story, but the weirdest thing is that it seems many first experienced the game the exact same way. 

"I hate this and I have no idea why."

I mean, the games were always sort of crappy and we knew that. Even for 2008, 3 wasn't up to par. But, whatever that mystery element was that we couldn't get over for those initial hours, I don't think Fallout 4 will have that. In fact, I also think (hope) they'll finally fix that terribly broken stealth system and give me a good reason to live out my roleplaying fantasies of my sneaky warrior lady scavenging the wastelands in her Spring gown and augmented Fisto. 

I mean that I use it for my bum. 

Can we finally expect to see this "Greatness" we keep hearing so much about? 

Between the "Big 3", Sony may not be my favorite from a business standpoint, but they are when it comes to their exclusives. They only just barely beat out Nintendo, even with Twilight Princess and Mario Galaxy under their belt.

The original Jak & Daxter is still an absolute treasure, Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando exceeds comprehendable levels of fun, Uncharted 2 is a grand adventure in a box, The Last Of Us makes me wish I still had the capicity to feel human emotions besides "boner", and motherfucking PERSOOONAAAAAAAAAAA!

Will we witness Sony's supposed "greatness"? They may not even be alluding to games there rather than their invulnerable will to make every one of their products black as pitch night, but, if they are, I think their upcoming conference will solidify many of our PS4 purchases. Whether past, present or future. Unless you just do not care for their exclusives, in which case why the hell do you have a PS4? 

Between the Ratchet & Clank remaster (and this is an actual remaster, friends), an assumed Uncharted 4 presentation, maybe a new Persona 5 trailer (!!!), and any number of other surprises they may have in store, I'm almost shaking with excitement!

Well, mostly at the prospect of Persona 5. Can't a guy fanboy every once in a while? 

As for everyone else, they can kindly go and... make me wish I had paid more attention to them before now 

Final Fantasy hasn't put out anything worth my time since XII (for as quality of a title XIV: A Realm Reborn was), but I want XV to break that streak. Deus Ex: Human Revolution wasn't my cup of tea, even as a huge stealth fan, but maybe I should give it another go? Maybe Mankind Divided will be amazing? 

What if EA actually ignores sports and Battlefield for just a few flippin' moments and grants us a Mass Effect 4 gameplay demo that invokes the sort of quality we got with Dragon Age: Inquisition? Perhaps they'll even do a new Mirror's Edge some proper justice. 

Will "girl wood" continue to be a thing? That'd be cute. 

I just want this E3 to be a solid one. 2013's was definitely something else thanks to the heat Sony brought with their PS4 deets, 2014's was pretty nice and that's even if 2014 was a pretty ho-hum year for actual releases, so let's keep these hearty thrusts moving in the right direction because it's pretty damn awkward when you just can't make contact!

I know most were not even fans of these last couple E3's, so, if only for those downtrodden peoples, I hope the next few days are a welcome change of pace.

I know what it's like to feel as if your passion for gaming is fading because of all the cynicism that's easy to get wrapped up in recently, but all it takes is that one special push and everything is suddenly not so bleak and, in fact, you could poop flowers and vomit puppies if it were possible. 

What are you looking forward to? You just watching to get in a few quick laughs? That sounds plenty reasonable. 

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