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LONG BLOG

Moosey Musings On... Why I Preordered Sonic Frontiers Instead of GoW Ragnarok p3

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  I guess this is as good a time as any to apologize for crowding the blog page...

[[Future-FUTURE Moose one last time.

…Uhh, I don't really have anything to say.

Here's Part 1 and Part 2, if you didn't already come from them.

And…yeah. I hope you've been enjoying this stupid, long, stupidly long blog.]]


But let me just say: You should be able to marry whoever you wanna marry. You should be able to express yourself however you wanna express yourself. And you should be able to love yourself – AND whoever you want to love, regardless of…ANYTHING. And I’m very sorry that people that have…personal identification and attraction views that are outside of the status quo are currently struggling so much. All I say, as a concession, is hopefully you’re, like, 20 years away from being 100% accepted by the majority of society. I think it’s ridiculous that you aren’t already 100% accepted – I think it’s ridiculous that anyone would tell anyone else how they should express themselves and how they should sexually live.

‘Cause that’s stupid. And I don’t know why that’s a thing. And I don’t know how humans have been alive with s-ssssss-sssssssssssssooooo many-so many – I was gonna say fetishes, but I feel like that’s a…disrespect to the-the individual cultures that I’m talking to personally right now.

[Oof. Actually, I thought I didn’t come off as too offensive during this whole thing (feel free to dispute that). This part, though… Well, I think what I was trying to say was something along the lines of: With all the sexual experimentation humanity has explored throughout its history, and the sexual freedoms enjoyed my many in the current day, it makes no sense that same-sex coitus would ever be considered sacrilegious. But then, when I was drunkenly trying to navigate not being an asshole, it occurred to me that comparing romantic, same-sex love-making to fetishes wasn’t a good idea. So then I just clumsily, uh, didn’t finish my thought. Which didn’t do anything to help the situation. There’s my retrospective defense of that embarrassingly worded moment. Uhh… Yeah – that’s all I got to say.]

Um, including furries! ‘Cause I’m probably going to have to use that to tie this back into Sonic. ‘Cause I really-I’ve really gone off the rails at this point, guys… And I don’t know how to go back to the original thesis statement…of this blog.

But, I just wanna say, anyone who feels like society doesn’t accept you, I want you to know, I accept you and I love you. And you should be able to love whoever…

And it’s…definitely not the alcohol talking.

But I-but… But, regardless of if the alcohol told me to say I love you – ‘cause I do love you, I love everyone. Regardless of if I’m drunk. Although the drunkness is what’s making me say it right now. Regardless of all of that, I-I-I want you to love yourself. And I don’t want you to feel like the…constraints placed upon you by…general society really means anything. ‘Cause you are a beautiful person. And I would love to meet you. And I would love to talk to you. And-a-a-and I don’t want you to ever think you’re not beautiful because of any, um, contrarian ways you may feel about either gender identity or sexuality. Because…because you’re beautiful. We’re all beautiful.

Even…Donald Trump is…beautiful (?). In some way…that I am unaware of and cannot appropriately express to you. But he is a human being. And, by default, any human being…is beautiful. A-I don’t…I *sighs* It’s really hard for me to say Donald Trump is beautiful. But I’m gonna stubbornly stick to my guns right now, and say that, even Donald Trump, IS beautiful. Even though he seems…horribly disgusting. And…I really hate to make this political at all, but I think it’s too late for that. A-ah-he doesn’t seem like he should be president…ever. Or should…have…ever been president. And it’s crazy that we live in a country where we elected…a man like that to be president. Not…”a man like that” as in a republican. Just, a man…like that…shouldn’t be president.

But that doesn’t mean he’s not beautiful, as an individual. If I could sssit down with Donald Trump…umm, preferably as an individual that is – or rather – that chooses to express themself as a male. Because…based on that old footage, he kinda made it clear that he thinks less of people that express themselves as female… You know the footage. The whole, “Grab them by the…the—” you know. But that was-that was kinda…fucked up. Um, very hard to defend a man that…said that. At any point.

But…

You know. I’ll-I’ll still say he’s beautiful, I guess.

‘Cause I really think I should move on from this whole topic. And I think too much percentage of this blog is becoming me ranting about my political views.

*Sighs*

Which, I guess, LGBTQ rights count as political views these days. Even though it should just be…respecting each other and each other’s views and opinions and decisions on…expressionism.

…Because expressionism is a really important part of individual satisfaction.

Which is why…the lack of expressionism in God of War 2018 actively keeps me from being excited about God of War Ragnarok.

*Smacks lips*

…I think that was a horribly wa – a horrible way to tie my rant about things in real life to my rant about God of War.

But I-I needed an excuse to get back on track. Sooo…I took what I could get, you know. Sorry, not sorry.

Um, I mean all I said about LGBTQ rights. I don’t know if I meant all the things I said about Donald Trump. I’m sorry if you support Donald Trump as a…individual. Or as a president. Um, I-I’m not trying to be political… But it just happened. And…I don’t know what to tell you…

Please don’t cancel me.

*Laughs* That’s all I have to say.

Umm… Regardless of if you think Donald Trump is beautiful or you think I was a fuckin’, uhh, dickface for saying he’s beautiful. Regardless of that, please don’t cancel me. Because I am not popular enough to be canceled in any way, shape, or form.

*Laughs* I don’t have enough of a…uh, virtual footprint to be canceled. So, if you try to cancel me from what I just said…please don’t. I am very desperate for any amount of internet-attention right now…

If you’re reading this, please comment. Even just to say…umm… “potato.” If I got ten comments that said “potato,” I would feel validated as a human being…on the internet. I wouldn’t feel validated as a human being that exists in reality. But I’d feel validated as an internet personality if I got, at least, ten comments that said “potato.”

Um, #potatolivesmatter

*Slams hand to countertop*

*Excessive, extended laughter*

‘Cause I just want to open up…*laughs*…a whole other spider’s web of controversy in this stupid blog where I’m drunk and trying to explain…

Why I preordered Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok

You wanna know something funny, viewer? You wanna – not “viewer.” Reader. Seriously, I have my mind on videos. You wanna know something funny, O’ Fearless Reader? I didn’t preorder Sonic Frontiers.

*Laughs*

Like, I have every intention of-of buying Sonic Frontiers ahead of ss-God of War Ragnarok. So I think it’s fine. I just think that saying that wouldn’t have sounded as good as a title.

So I’m lying to you in saying that I preordered Sonic Frontiers.

Which I probably would have. Except…I wanna make sure the Switch version isn’t shit be-before I buy it. ‘Cause I really want it on the Switch. ‘Cause I have Sonic Mania and Sonic Colors Ultimate on the Switch. So this is suppose to be, like, my trilogy of the different phases of Sonic. And I-I want it on-ALL on the Switch.

But I know how-how third-party developers on the Switch be for the last few years. So I wanna make sure the Switch version at least performs well. And then I’ll buy it. I don’t really care much about pop-up, and shit like that. ‘Cause it’s clear that it’s not a technological marvel on ANY console. I just wanna make sure it performs well, and then I’ll buy it on Switch.

But I haven’t preordered for Sonic Frontiers. So the whole premise of this…this blog is, um, a-a l-an outright lie that I told. Just because I thought the title would make more sense if I-if I implied I preordered Sonic Frontiers. I don’t know the title yet, but it’s probably going to be something along the lines of, Moosey Musings On DOT-DOT-DOT Why I Preordered Sonic Frontiers INSTEAD of God of War Ragnarok. That’s a really long title – I might shorten it before I publish this. Um… and by “might,” I mean I will. And by “will,” I mean I might. And I did. Unless when you clicked on this article, it said literally what I just said. Which is possible, but I’m really hoping sober me can come up with a better title.

If sober me didn’t come up with a better title, that’s a failure upon sober me.

Um…. Anyway… Um…

Speaking of remakes, which I think I brought up, uh, how…Viewtiful Joe should be remade. Like, an hour ago… I-I really-I really just want Sony Interactive Entertainment – or, as they go by now, Playstation Studios – I-I-I-I really just want…to buy…Ape Escape remade. And I really wanna buy A Crack in Time. And I REALLY wanna buy the entire PS2 Ratchet and Clank series. And I wanna buy all of Sly, all four of them. And I really wanna buy, uhh, yew-the Jak and Daxter series [that one I can actually buy. Though I hold out hope for a re-release of the PS3 HD bundle, which I think was of better quality than the PS4 digital re-release…which is weird].

And, um *rhythmically slaps countertop* this isn’t really Sony. But I’d probably buy Tokimeki Memorial. Just because I listened to Tim Rogers [okay, I watched a lot of Tim Rogers that day. So he was on my drunk, addled mind. If you’re bothered by my frequent mentioning of him, as I am, then I suggest taking a minute to silently reflect upon yourself and extrapolate why that bothers you] talk about it for, like, 30 minutes. I have not finished that leviathanian review yet. I watched 30 minutes of it, and I’m already pretty sold on it as a game. So, if they remade that, and translated it…I would buy it.

And, because I’m saying it right now, I would go out of my way to preorder it. Just-tt to show them I really wanted it.

Even though I don’t really want it.

But… Tim Rogers kinda sold me on it in the first 30 minutes of his gargantuan review.

Fuck, I’m dizzy.

 Okay, umm, I feel more and more like vomiting. So I really think I should try to answer:

Why did you – I wrote “you,” but it’s really, Iwhy did I preorder Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok?

Well, I didn’t preorder it. As I just said.

Um… But that doesn’t matter. Uhh, for the sake of the rest of this blog, let’s just-just pretend – Just humor me, and pretend like I preordered it. I mean, I’ll probably buy it, like, a week after it comes out. I’ll literally buy it whenever I finished Bayonetta 3. I just really want to finish Mario + Rabbids and Bayonetta 3 before I buy another game [I’ve since bought Sonic Frontiers on the Switch. I have yet to beat either Bayonetta 3 or Sparks of Hope]. So I’ll do that.

Um – fuck I’m dizzy as fuck. And I wanna lie down, ‘cause I’m tired…

UM…s-so, humoring me, the answer to the question…of:

Why I preorder the Sonic game instead of the God of War game?

Is…I think I answered it in, like, the first few paragraphs. Honestly – if I’m being honest. Like, God of War really-really disappointed me. And…Sonic’s my fucking bro.

I think I’ve bought…every game since…sss-Sonic Unleashed. That’s not even true. I didn’t buy Sonic the Hedgehog 4. Though I…want to buy Sonic the Hedgehog 4 [episode 2, specifically]. But I’ve bought games [some games, not all games] in the Sonic series since Sonic Adventure 2. And I’ve enjoyed most of them. Even when I thought they were bad. I can literally – even when I played Sonic ’06, it was like – I don’t know if it’s just purely Stockholm Syndrome – I was kinda enjoying myself. I mean I did get, like, halfway through the Sonic campaign and felt like I-I-I might as well be dead. There’s something charming about that. About Sonic ’06—

Sidenote: Sonic ’06… Umm – FULL-DASH, if it’s not clear… I-I, uh, this whole…quick sentence about Sonic ’06 is not directly connected to whatever the fuck I was talking about…20 seconds ago.

END PARENTHESIS.

OPEN PARENTHESIS… ‘Cause that’s how parenthesis work.

SEMI-COLON.

Sonic ’06 is…a terrible game. But I sometimes just wish I could play it, ‘cause…it’s…eh…because… N-not really because it has Sonic in it. I mean, probably partially because it has Sonic in it. But, like…it’s so interesting as a video game. It’s like watching, fucking…um, what was that one movie called with that one dude who, like, made a whole movie where he was-he-he was, like, transgender, but he wasn’t transgender – I don’t know? Was it Glen or Glenda? …It’s like watching Glen or Glenda.

A-and, hold on, I’m gonna check to see if that’s what it was actually called.

Sidenote: I never watched Glen and Glenda. But don’t worry about that.

[I don’t even know what the fuck Drunken Moose is trying to say here. And I’m pretty sure he’s about to forget entirely about Sonic ’06 after he comes back from his expedition. So, is playing Sonic ’06 like watching Glen or Glenda? I really don’t think they’re…AT ALL alike. Only Drunken Moose will ever know their association with another. Also, I’ve really no clue if Glen or Glenda portrays a transgender person. Because I’ve never seen it. I’m completely oblivious to its subtext, and oblivious to how it relates to Ed Wood’s personal identity.]

*Longer silence – you know the drill*

*More silence. It’s been 3 minutes, what the hell was he doing?*

Bros. I have SO many things to tell you.

1) I just saw a music video where Christopher Walken was flying. I think it was Christopher Walken. If you know what I’m talking about, you know what I’m talking about. If not, you don’t get an explanation.

2) I didn’t know at the beginning of Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball, she sheds a tear… And it im-immediately made me think that maybe there’s more to Miley Cyrus’ The Wrecking Ball than the fact that she says, “I came in like a wrecking ball,” while riding a wrecking ball in her underwear. And it makes me interested in analyzing the song when I’m not drunk as fuck. But I’m probably not going to do that. So any…uh readers who might be reading this: If you know-if you happen to know what the themes of Miley Cyrus’…song Wrecking Ball are, please comment them. But only after you comment potato. Because I still need that for validation that I had a good reason for getting drunk this late in the day – holy shit, it’s past midnight. I should’ve been asleep…two hours ago.

Anyway, so that’s two things I had to tell you. The third thing…um, I don’t think I remember it…

Oh! Now I remember it.

So when I looked up Glen and Glenda, there’s apparently some sort of allusion to it in the new Chucky series on SyFy. Which I-is-is kinda cool and kinda weird. Like, I don’t know why they would reference Glen or Glenda. I appreciate that they did. I’m still never going to watch that series.

I remember I watched that one Chucky when I was a kid where there was, like, the girl doll. And then they get together. I don’t remember anything else about that show (?). Movie, I mean. *Yawns* Um, but I remember that. I remember I always felt the Chucky…girl…doll seemed like they were – I had this opinion when I was younger – they seemed like they were more refined in their design than Chucky did. Almost to the point where it seemed like they were apart of a different universe. [“refined” is not at all the right word. Tiffany’s design (I looked up her name) was just incongruous with Chucky’s].

Um, also I don’t think anyone makes dolls of, like, sexy women… Like, mistake me if I’m wrong – after you comment potato – but I don’t recall ever seeing a doll look like a sexy, 20-something woman in a short skirt in any store EVER for the entirety of time [upon transcribing, I started looking at footage of Tiffany to see if there was anything I could use. I guess she wore a wedding dress, not a short skirt. Not sure why I have vivid memories of a sexy, murderous, living doll in a short skirt. Maybe I just have issues… Design’s still incongruous, though].

I don’t remember if, in the movie, maybe she started out as, like, a normal, plain-girl-doll. And then she dressed up, um…tantalizingly. But even then, where do you-where – as a-as a girl doll, where do you get a doll-sized sexy outfit? I don’t know. Not even little people are that small.

And now I’ve brought up little people – I really hope this blog doesn’t come off as offensive. Believe me, I-I believe everyone has an equal amount of right to be alive in this civilization. I’m just going to say that, and I’m going to move on.

Uh, little people [move on], I wish I had a little person friend [MOVE ON]. Not as a token [FUCKING MOVE ON]. But definitely as a token […*sighs*]. But not as a token. And, you know what, I’m not even going to talk about it anymore. ‘Cause I really think I just dug myself into a hole.

WE’RE MOVING ON FROM THAT [oh, really?].

Umm… I-I’m sorry, can you help me? What was I talking about?

Was I talking about-I know I was talking about Chucky. But, like, WAY before that. Oh, I was telling you other things.

It’s not Glen and Glenda. It’s Glen or Glenda.

…By Ed Wood, in case you were wondering. He-I think he wrote, sss – I know he starred and directed. I think he also wrote it…and probably produced it. Um – Ed Wood everybody! He was…he was trying ta… Did he ever identify as transgender? That’s kinda sad if he, like, he actually felt like he was transgender – or, at least, like…androgynous to the point of having a female and male personality – and he wasn’t able to really express that in life. To the point where he had to…direct and write and produce and star in a movie where he was able to express himself and his gender identity. But yet he still lived his life as a male – that’s kinda sad when you think about it.

See, that’s the kinda bullshit that I don’t get why our society forces that upon people.

I swear to god, this is a blog about Sonic and God of War.

Um…

Why did I…preorder – even though I didn’t – Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok?

…Um, modern Sony kinda sucks.

There’s a hot take for ya. Of all the hot takes in this entire blog, this is probably the hot take that people reading this blog will be most offended by.

Unless there’s a lot of, uhh, little people reading this blog—

I think I covered my ass with the LGBTQ stuff. Um…that’s not to say I was lying about anything. That, like, was legitmuluhhh-legitimately my opinion on all of that. Um, little people, though, I don’t think I’ve justified that much.

If you’re a little person, I think it would be cool to be friends. Because I clearly don’t understand enough about the life of a little person. To the point where I don’t…empathize enough with you. So I would love to hang out or talk to a little person for long enough, at least, to understand their plight. Even though the way I just worded that makes it sound like I wanna use them to build upon my own personal views. And that is exactly what I’m saying…

But if you are a cool-person little person, then-then I would hang out with you regardless. I’ve just never met…THAT. I’ve met many cool people in the LGBTQ community. But I’ve never met a cool person in the little person community. [Which is to say I’ve never formally met ANY little people. Did that Drunken Moose rant sound kosher? Did he effectively cover his ass? Or did that hole he found himself in get just that bit deeper? Find out next time on: Drunken Moose Z!]

That one song by Jay-Z, or whatever, is playing. Where he’s-he – it’s all about being black [fucking god damnit]. And he says, um, the N-word, like, fifty times in the song.

Oh! He’s doing it right now!

Fuckin’ crazy bastard.

I can’t say it, ‘cause I’m only black enough to, um, refer to it. But not black enough to actually say it. Because, um, race relations is very arbitrary.

[RoomWithaMoose factoid: I am mixed race, with a great deal of African American genetics. Which I’m only telling you so this part doesn’t sound racist. Here, Drunken Moose is a partially black man musing about what it means to be “black enough.” Actually a thought-provoking subject matter. Aren’t you glad you clicked on this blog about video games?]

Why do I keep getting political and fucking this up for myself? And, it’s like, I’m going to transcribe ALL of this. I can’t just take out the parts that I think are offensive, because that wouldn’t be authentic to the concept of this entire blog. But, MAN, why do I keep saying these things. I’m just suppose to be talking about video games.

Umm…

Why did I preorder – even though I didn’t – Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok?

Uh, I like Sonic. I’ve always liked Sonic. I will always like Sonic. He can literally produce five Sonic ‘06es, and I’ll still…w-want to experience Sonic. I don’t know how to explain this to you. I mean, I probably could if I didn’t just spend two…THREE hours talking about I don’t even know. I think bullshit, for most of the time. Like, I could explain why I like Sonic. There’s many good reasons. Aside from the analogy I made about Sonic and Mario, like, two hours ago…

Um, but eh-I-I really feel like I should wrap this up already. Mostly because I wanna go to bed.

Although I do still have alcohol to drink. I said I would finish that before the recording. So you…

*Groan*

Fuck you all. God, I don’t wanna drink. I’m, like, r-I’m ready to pass out.

Um, not because of drunkenness. But just because I’m tired AND drunk.

I’m ready to pass out.

*Beer can go clankity-clank*

Oh fuck. This is so much alcohol in that glass.

Sidenote: By the way, I bought t-the-the glasses, uhh, from Crate & Barrel. They have, like, a bubble in them (?). I’ll probably put a link in this blog. Not because I expect you to buy it. But just because I want you to better understand the circumstances of the recording of this blog.

[Brought to you by our sponsors at CRATE & BARREL! …I guess.]

But not actually that. I just…maybe wanna gloat about how I spent way more money than I should’ve on glasses for alcohol.

‘Cause I’m a fucking idiot.

*Thunderous laughs*

That’s really the answer!

Why did I sss-I preorder – even though I didn’t – Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok?

Because I’m a fucking idiot.

Why did you read this whole blog?

I literally—

Oh god, I don’t wanna drink this. I’m going to drink the beer. Lemme start with the beer. Sour beer, by the way. Uhh, sou-umm…Victory…Sour Monkey Sour…Tripel 9.5…alcohol content. 9.5. 10, nah that’s not wrong. That’s not right. 9.5% alcohol volume SLASH – oh, the slash comes before “volume—”

*Loudest can clank*

Oh my god! I just tipped over the bottle. But it’s so low it didn’t spill everywhere.

That’s pretty cool.

…But there’s still alcohol in there. Don’t worry.

9.5% alcohol volume.

In the beer.

T-the-the maybe-Rosé is, like, 17%. As I think I already said—

I’m going to sit down. Hold on, I’m going to bring a chair over.

*Chair being dragged*

*Sighs*

Stay tuned until the end, where future-sober-moose answers whether or not I vomited. Now that I’m sitting, I really feel like I’m going to vomit… But I still don’t know.

I still have to keep this recording going until I finish the alcohol. That’s the one stimpultation [*stipulation] I’m giving myself.

But I can just, like, sit in silence for a little bit. And then write that as an ampersand… Ellipses. What the fuck’s an ampersand? I said that earlier in this blog and then…subconsciously, I’m like, “That’s not what I’m saying.” Isn’t an am-isn’t an ampersand, like, that thing you put before, um, putting an ‘s’ to signify ownership? Why the fuck did I say ampersand? Ellipses.

So in the-in this blog, I’ll probably express this as ellipses. But I might be sss-sssitting in silence for a while. Just, um… *smacks lips* just…ssssssew-ssssss-regretting how much alcohol I drank in solitude. And I’m not going to actually write that out in the blog, ‘cause I don’t need to express that to you. The point is, I’m WAY more drunk than I should be for being alone… You know, this is like a depressing amount of drunkness. Unless you’re doing it socially. And even socially, usually it leads to more trouble than it’s worth…

And I should eat more, but I feel like if I eat more I’m going to vomit. Sooo… I don’t know what to do.

I just know I JUST said I’m not going to end this recording until I finish this alcohol. Even though I don’t think I’ve drank anything in the last hour…

*In background*

“♪And you are beautifuuul, in every single wayyy!♪”

I’m-uh-uhhh-I don’t know what to do, O’ Fearless Reader.

I think…for the sake of my personal health and not vomiting tonight, I should just end this now.

But I don’t think I’m going to do that…

Let me…finish this…beer (?).

My body is telling me not to drink this, So I think I should listen to my body.

Um… Um…

I’m at the point of my drunkness where my ears focus on random things, so I hear random stuff better than things I think I should be focusing on. And that means I’m pretty drunk. I did drink an entire bottle of…Wild Irish Rose Red wine. Well, almost an entire bottle. I have a cup left… But that’s still ahhh-lotta alcohol.

Oh! I think it’s singing that Paula Abdul song with the cat!

Oh, that’s a fuckin’ good song. That’s a jammin’ song.

♪“But when we get together, it just ALLLL works out”♪

♪“I take…two steps forward! I take—"♪

♪Two steps BACK!♪

♪“We come together—"♪

♪‘Cause I’m…dressed like a cat!♪

Uh, now that’s the-that’s the Family Guy…um, parody of it. Where he-where Peter says, “’Cause I’m dressed like a cat,” instead of, “’Cause opposites attract.” That’s how I learned about this song.

It’s funny, I know a lot about, like, 80s culture. But that’s only because I watched A LOT of, um, referential media to 80s culture when I was growing up.

Umm…by the way, Bravestarr is amazing. And Hollywood should do something with the IP of Bravestarr.

What am I talking about…?

Why did you preorder… Wait, hold on…

Why did I – I don’t know why I wrote “you” in the-the…AIR QUOTES bulletin board END AIR QUOTES, uh, question I wrote on the wall so I didn’t forget what this is suppose to be about. ‘Cause I didn’t trust myself, while drunk, to remember. I-I don’t know why I wrote “you.” It just confuses me, as I’m drunk, more than otherwise. Anyway…

So, to correct, um, past me’s transgressions:

Why did I preorder Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok – with an ‘a’?

Umm… Honestly, God of War Ragnarok – even though it looks, like, really tight – it just seems like more of the same generic, AAA…drivel that Sony has been pushing out for the last four years.

#studiojapan4lyfe

Um, whereas Sonic Frontiers seems…sssoo stupid. I can’t imagine any of the major three studios – you know: Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft. Well, maybe Microsoft. They really don’t have much of an identity in and of themselves. They just kinda throw money at whatever they think will make money… And then they don’t support Halo Infinite after release. Even though that seems like it should be the main priority of their entire fuckin’ development wing, ‘cause it’s fuckin’ Halo.

Um… But sss-but…uh, Sonic (?). Yeah, I was saying something about Sonic…

*Smacks lips*

Sonic Frontiers just seems like a game that’s so Ill-advised, none of the big 3 would’ve ever made it. So it makes me…want to play it more. Because, as I poorly explained during this section two hours ago when I was talking about how even bad Sonic games have, like, merit in some fashion…even if Sonic Frontiers is bad, I want to play it. ‘Cause it fff-seems like it will be interesting.

God of War Ragnarok will be a well-designed – a well-polished – AAA…narrative-driven adventure game…

…It’s not The Last of Us Part 1 (but not the remake, just literally the first The Last of Us. But you could include the remaster, if you want to. I haven’t played the remake. Although I’m ahh-a very vocal…uh, enemy of the remake’s existence. So I’m not going to say it’s not…The Last of Us Part 1, in reference to…the remake. Instead, I’m saying it’s not The Last of Us Part 1 apropos the original release and the PS4 remaster).

So I don’t think God of War Ragnarok will be to the level of The Last of Us Part 1… So why would I care to play it? It’s like playing…Gai-Gaia-G-Gaiga…? It’s like playing that Super Mario Bros., um, blatant copy. When I can just play Super Mario Bros. Why would I wanna play God of War Ragnarok when it, per se, is just The Last of Us…5. Does that work? So there’s The Last of Us, and then there’s God of War, mmm, there’s…A Plague’s Tale, and there’s The Last of Us Part II, and then there was…the other Plague’s Tale, and then there was…God of War Ragnarok. So, The Last of Us Part VI.

Why would I wanna play The Last of Us Part VI? When, instead, I could play…a stupid Sonic game that’s just Breath of the Wild, but you run fast? Which, when I say it out loud, that sounds AMAZING. Even though I don’t think it will be.

But The-t-The Breath of the Wild…where you run fast sounds like it literally fixes…the one problem with Breath of the Wild. And that is an incorrect statement. Because…um, open-world traversal was not a problem in Breath of the Wild. The problem was the narrative SUCKED… But I’m – *load banging clank* – I’m willing to look past that, ‘cause everything else was amazing. The-the-the-the exploration. The combat – well, the exploration wasn’t that amazing. I mean, I do think, even though Elden Ring is a…far step below Breath of the Wild, I do think Elden Ring nailed the exploration far better than Breath of the Wild did. It’s just, in Elden Ring it doesn’t really…it’s not really fun to explore. Aside from – in Elden Ring, it's fun to explore because of the ornate level design. In Breath of the Wild, it has that ornate level design, but that ornate level design does not extend to the temples. Or whatever the fuck they’re called. You know, the 132 challenges… I think it’s 132, I might be wrong. I’m not going to double-check. And I’m certain I’ll correct drunk me [120 shrines, actually. Just like Mario…which is weird. Nintendo just likes that number, I guess].

Um… SHRINES. They’re called shrines.

I don’t remember what the point I was trying to make was…

The shrines in Breath of the Wild are very hit-or-miss. Some are really good. Most are just like, “That’s fine.”

Um… But explur-explorate-explorating the-the open-world itself is really fuckin’ good. And the action design of Link is really fuckin’ good. Rock climbing? And being able to rock climb on ANY surface? That’s fuckin’ amazing! I don’t even-I don’t even know how any game could do that without just seeming like a blatant rip-off.

#...cancel…um…immortalfenyxrising…?

Is that what it’s called?

No, it was renamed Gods and…Demons…?

Cancel Ubisoft-Breath of the Wild.

‘Cause that shit…actually seemed fun from a gameplay perspective. But ss-somehow it was narratively worse than Breath of the Wild. Just because, instead of allowing the player to really sssoak in the environment, like Breath of the Wild does, it had fuckin’ Zeus and Prometheus… Which is very morbid, to have Prometheusss, in the midst of his suffering, narrate a story. I don’t think they clarify what’s happening to…Prometheus during the narration. Or, at least, they don’t make it clear to people who don’t know the mythology. But what they don’t know is I played God of War. So I know the mythology. Even though I don’t remember if Prometheus was in God of War – no, Icarus was. You get the Icarus wings from him. I feel like Prometheus was… And it had, like, the crows…pecking at his – yeah! Prometheus was in God of War. I think God of War 2. God of War 2 also had Icarus. Um, I think I said God of War 2 was the best of the original trilogy. I’m going to…uhh…for no logical reason, say that the fact that it had Icarus and Prometheus in it is evidence as to why it’s superior… To both the one that opened with the Kraken, and the one that had the, um, non-optional sex scene.

Fuck, I feel shitty right now. I really wanna sleep. But I haven’t finished this [booooze]… I’m going to be honest with you, O Fearless Reader, I don’t think I’m going to. ‘Cause I’m already VERY drunk. And I really wanna just sleep right now. I don’t wanna drink more. And I think I’m going to allow myself to say that’s okay. You know, I was tryin-I was waiting for the alcohol to wear off, but I really just am, like, tired on top of being drunk. And the drunkness hasn’t worn off. Or at least been, uh, counter to the tiredness. I’m not *yawns* at the point where I feel comfortable just drinking more. So I think I’m not going to drink more. So, I think it’s time for the conclusion…

[I’ll believe it when I see it]

1) I wanna say, I ain’t no bitch. I would’ve definitely finished this glass of…um, Richard’s Wild Irish Rose red wine. And this can of Victory Sour Monkey Sour Tripel 9.5% alcohol/volume… If it weren’t bedtime. But it’s been bedtime for, like, two hours. So I think I should just go to bed.

Umm…

Why did I preorder – or rather ‘prioritize’ – Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok?

Umm… Let me summarize this:

God of War 2018 kinda sucks. Even though it’s really good, but also kinda sucks at the same time.

Sonic is my bro. He’s my bro more than Kratos could ever be. Sonic is my bro more than Mario is. Sonic is the definition of ‘my bro,’ in the context of fictional gaming characters. And he’s never…going to be ousted from that position in my life.

3) Uhh… Sonic Frontiers actually kinda looks good. I’m not going to lie, like, I also saw that IGN footage and was like, “This kinda sucks.” It looks like it sucks, and that’s sad. But I keep watching footage, I keep watching, like, preview, uhh, hot takes of it. And people keep saying, “You know, I actually had fun with it.” And I keep looking at it, and it’s like, “It actually looks FUN.” And I wanna play it. If for no other reason than it’s Sonic…and it’s not Sonic Frontiers [*Forces].

That’s reason 3. That was a long one.

Reason 4) Umm… Soni-Sonic – um, no. God of – the Ragnarok one really just looks like more of the same. I’ve seen some, like, additions to combat. Which, maybe the combat in Ragnarok will be way better than 2018. But…it really looks like more of the same. I am really just, um – I didn’t even go into how God of War 2018 is too bloated for its own good. It took, like, ten hours for me to get to the customizable out-a-armor. Or, at least, like, get really…to the point where I can meticulously customize it. And at that point of the game, I was like, “Wwwhy the fuck are you offering this? This isn’t an RPG. Why do you have so much armor? Why do you have so much EVERYTHING? This isn’t an RPG. Just tell me I got armor that makes everything better. *Smacks hands* That’s all you have to do. Or armor that has, like, one perk. I don’t want to evaluate the positives and negatives of equip-of equipping every fuckin’ piece of thing that I’ve ever got.”

The Y-the YouTube stopped again. Hold on…

[As an addendum to Drunken Moose’s rant about excessive stat mods in God of War, I would like to extend that to most every AAA games with an ornate modification system. It’s just TOO much. I don’t know how Xenoblade Chronicles 3 ended up being less obtuse than most contemporary adventure games, but here we are.]

It’s Stevie Wonder featuring Ariana Grande. If you’re wondering. Bet you weren’t.

Um, so there’s my third complaint of God of War. It tries too hard to be a RPG…just because it knows that’s what’s popular right now. I don’t wanna spend…ANY part of a God of War game considering the, um, advantages and disadvantages of equipping a…piece of armor. Clearly, old God of War games were just like, “Hey, you wanna upgrade this thing and become stronger?” And that was the end of the discussion. I don’t wanna have this in-depth discussion with God of War 2018 about whether or not, um, Artreus’ bow…gives good enough, uhhhhhhh, stat increase increments. I don’t fuckin’ care. I wanna tear someone’s body in half. That’s the point of God of War. It’s not looking at stats…goddammit.

Playing God of War is the fun of ripping someone in half. Also, the visceral fun of square-square-triangle. Which God of War 2018 completely lacks. At least until you get the Blades of Chaos. Which I already know you get them. Although I didn’t get to the part where you get them. And that’s probably pretty fun. And a *yawn* nostalgia trip for people like me who remember when God of War was about, um, getting red orbs and fuckin’ bitches. ‘Cause he did that in every game. You know, it was very gratuitous and very stupid. But… *smacks lips* after-after they did it in the first one, it really didn’t feel like a God of War game without it.

*Smack lips*

*Sighs* By the way, I don’t really like the PS2 as much as I, uhh, ostensibly should. But I still have a lot of good memories with the PS2. God of War is one of them. Um, and Ratchet and Clank. And Ratchet and Clank: Deadlocked. ‘Cause that’s the only one I owned. Even though I rented, uh, Up Your Arsenal. I’ve…been wanting to replay Up Your Arsenal for, like…almost fifteen years now. ‘Cause I’m fucking old. But S-Sony just doesn’t wanna rerelease it on the PS4/5. And it makes me a sad panda.

I also wanna replay the original, which I think I also rented…when I was a kid. And beat. And I think it had, like, a-a level where you’re on a planet. Like a *yawn* Super Mario Galaxy-esque planet. And then you, like, walked around it. And that was pretty cool. And that might also be Up Your Arsenal. I don’t remember. I think I rented both the first Ratchet and Clank and Up Your Arsenal. I never played Going Commando.

Um, #blockbuster

Except I didn’t go to Blockbuster. ‘Cause I’m not a-an older millennial.

#hollywoodvideo

You were there for me when no one else was.

I also once rented Catwoman, and that game wasn’t-it was terrible.

But I think that was probably the first terrible game I legitimately enjoyed – when I was a, like, seven-year-old, or whatever. And I don’t remember why I enjoyed it; I don’t remember enough about the experience. I just remember actively knowing it was poorly received. And yet I felt compelled to play it, ‘cause I thought it was fun. Maybe I just liked playing as Halle Barry. In a…skin-tight Catwoman outfit… Maybe that was the first sign that I would grow up to be a teenager that partially played Bayonetta because dat ass don’t quit

I don’t know.

I just remember liking Catwoman when I was a kid. Even though I knew it was poorly received.

Umm…

I should play that one day. If I ever get a PS2 again, I will get Catwoman. And I will play it. And I will maybe make a video about it. If I am, at that point, making video content.

If not, I will make a blog about it. If I am STILL writing blogs.

And if I am doing…neither of those things, then I will, at the very least, uhh, intrinsically think about it.

San An-Grand Theft Auto San Andreas is-is the best Grand Theft Auto. I don’t give a fuck what any of you goddamn zoomers say. Grand Theft Auto V sucks… I mean, it’s not bad. But, like, the story in Grand Theft Auto V sucks. And the point in which Grand Theft Auto was releassssed to the public – the fifth one – all the game design, level design aspects of it feel really archaic. Rockstar really needs to do something about that…

But they won’t. They’ll just make fuckin’ Grand Theft Auto V 2.0. And then have…it so you play as a woman. And then that will be enough to make buzz, ‘cause… You know, they’re a company. They’re not…artists. I mean, they are. But they barely are artists anymore. They just make things that they think will sell well.

Which, also, all the other developers I referenced basically do. But still…

Rockstar, prove me wrong with Grand Theft Auto V. That would be nice.

I mean Grand Theft Auto VI – whatever. I don’t care.

Is that a good enough note to end this fuckin’ blog on? ‘Cause I really wanna go to sleep.

I don’t think I’ve answered the question.

Why God of War NOT instead of Sonic Frontiers?

God of War looks…better than Sonic Frontiers. I don’t like God of War 2018, so I don’t think I’m gonna like God of War Ragnarok much. Even though Ragnarok looks a lot better…than most games coming out. Next year and this year… That time where he fought the Norse god in space…in that one trailer? I was like, “Holy shit. This game looks fuckin’ epic.”

…But I know how that plays. And it doesn’t play in a way that satisfies me as a gamer…that still remembers when gamefeel was one of the most important aspects of games. Before the 7th generation happened, and…50% of game developers convinced gamers that gamefeel doesn’t matter and all that matters is…um, narrative and graphical fidelity.

Also, Sonic Frontiers has…the most generic art direction. I was tr-I was tryna compliment it. But I was actually thinking of Mario + Rabbits when I started that sentence. And then halfway into it, I was like, “Wait, I’m not thinking about Sonic Frontiers… I’m thinking about another game…” So then I finished the sentence. But the point of this is:

Mario + Rabbids… Good art direction.

Sonic Frontiers… Pretty bland art direction.

God of War Ragnarok… Fuckin’ amazing art direction.

He fights a Norse god in the fuckin’…STRATOSPHERE, okay… That’s fuckin’ looks amazing.

Fuck y’all. I-I’m done with this blog. Eh-I’m so tired…

I don’t think I really answered the question. But I have said…random, tangential opinions relating to the question. To the point where I think you can assume why I’m…buying – not preordering – but buying Sonic Frontiers instead of God of War Ragnarok.

Um… Incidentally, if you also would rather hang out with Sonic than Kratos, then you should write a comment. And it should say potato. Or say the two other things I said it would be nice to see in the comment board… But if you do the latter, you should definitely…do TWO comments, wherein the first one – from a chronological order, mind you – it just says potato. And I’ll be…a happy camper.

I’m gonna-I’m gonna toss this alcohol. And I’m gonna go to bed. ‘Cause…I don’t need this much alcohol in my life.

Uh, visit me next time, where I talk more about Sonic. ‘Cause…um, I like talking about Sonic, actually… It was probably one of the first franchises that I really…like, critically analyzed. Because there’s so much good and bad in the entire franchise. Um, but I won’t be getting into that. What I will be getting into… I guess I will be kinda getting into that.

Um, but don’t-don’t worry about that. Just expect a blog…from me…in the n-near future, that relates somehow to Sonic the Hedgehog.

I’m going to go to bed now.

FUCK you and good night…

It’sss GODDAMN three hours past my bedtime. Holy fuck. GOD-FFFUCKING-DAMMIT. Fuck.

That one time I heard the Paula Abdul song almost made this worth it. But it wasn’t worth it.

I’m gonna end this recording.

Umm… Let me… I think you all are beautiful. Regardless of…how your body is or what your mind says about how your body should be. Or what your mind says about what type of bodies you should be into. I think you’re all beautiful. And I love how each of you are individuals with their own lives and opinions. And I-aaaaa-I hope you all…understand how special you are as individuals. Because you are special. And you will ALWAYS be special. Regardless of your decisions in life.

Um, *smacks lips* I’m gonna quote that black guy now:

“I love—”

Fffuck, I just fffucked things up with the black audience. I already fffucked things up with the little people audience. Umm…whatever.

“I love you like a play-cousin… I’m outtey-five-thousey… Chain-chomp-whomp.”

Whomp.

FIN

(DON’T CANCEL ME)

[RoomWithaMoose managed to fall asleep soon after without vomiting… Only to violently and painfully vomit several hours later. And continue to do so over the course of the next day. Merry Thanksgiving, everyone!]

Word/Phrase Count:

I’m drunk.......................................................................................007

Hold on..........................................................................................025

Anyway..........................................................................................028

Literally..........................................................................................036

You know........................................................................................070

‘Cause...........................................................................................088

Fuck/fucking/etc.............................................................................136

- XOXO


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About RoomWithaMooseone of us since 5:57 AM on 03.03.2016

In lieu of a bio with actual sentences (ha, sentences. How quaint), I've made you, dear reader, a list. Why? 'Cause lists are popular. What's the list of? You sure do ask a lot of questions...

30. Samurai Jack
29. Clair De Lune
28. Full Metal Alchemist
27. FLCL
S. "S" is for Shadow of the Colossus
26. Ostriches
25. The Most Extreme
25 (cont.). That green dude that runs past all the animals at the end
24. Starry Night
23. Scary Godmother -- JK... Hookwinked
23, but for real. Wall-E
22. The entire MCU
21. The Irony of Fate (an actually good movie)

All right, let's take a break from the list. Time for the RoomWithaMoose bio interim awards!

Best Line I've Ever Heard:
"The air smells different... brighter somehow."

Favorite Thing I'm Not Sure I Should Still Like:
Louie

IP Most Deserving of Being Revamped and Subsequently Ruined by Hollywood:
BraveStarr

Song That Makes Me Feel More Than I Think It Should:
Rainbow Connection

Joke That Gets Me Every Time:
"I'm bleeding... making me the victor."

Now, back to the show.

20. The Spock hand sign thing
19. The church scene in Kingsman
18. Saitama v. Boros
17. Gogeta v. Broly
16000. Batman v. Superman
16. Scooby-Doo (the character; the shows are terrible)
15. Scrooge (the movie; the character is terrible)
14. The Simpsons
K. "K" is for Kirby's Epic Yarn
13. Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy
Ω. Kratos
12. Steven Universe
11. Grannys
µ. Mew

I wasn't going to do it again, but I just liked the idea so much. Behold, the second annual awards ceremony!!!

Mega-Hit Franchise I Never Cared About:
Harry Potter

Most Stuck-In-My-Head Slogan or Phrase:
"I'm caca for Cocoa Puffs."

Most Powerful Mary Sue of All Time:
Walker, Texas Ranger

Greatest Surrogate Sitcom Family:
The Alf One... Because of Alf

Greatest Occupation of All Time:
Teenage Mutant Ghostbuster Turtle

Before we get back to the proceedings, I think I need to clarify something. When I ranked "Grannys" at 11, it may have been misconstrued as an affinity for older women. I assure you, I did not mean 'Granny' as in the label for certain people. I was referring to M. domestica × M. sylvestris, more commonly called the granny smith apple. Yeah, that's right you creep -- probably inferring I've some kind of fetish... Now that that's clear, on to the top 10.

10. Seinfeld
9. Ratchet & Clank A Crack in Time
8. Hot Fuzz
7. Everything Everywhere All at Once
6. The Bit. Trip

--I'm sorry, I've still a feeling you've an inkling of suspicion about the whole granny thing. Don't try to deny it. You know what? FINE.

1\1\.\G\r\a\n\n\y\s
11. Oranges

Freakin' reader... See what you made me do!

B. "B" is for Battlefront 2 (the good one)
5. Halo Combat Evolved
4. I Can't Decide, So [Insert Mario Game Here]
3. Half-Life 2/ Metroid Prime (this is hard, okay)
B. "B" is for Banjo-Kazooie (What? I did B already? ...Nah)
2. The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker
1. It's Such a Beautiful Day...
A. "A" is for apple. Maybe it's the tart and green type -- I don't know. I can't say, because someone RUINED IT.

Honorable Mention:
O' Fearless Reader -- that's you! I know, I know, I'm very sweet. You might even be more than an HM if it wasn't for your off-putting fixation with "Grannys." Weirdo...