Spoiler Warning: There Will Be No Real Deathly Hallows Spoilers In This Post

My computer is b0rked for the time being, which is why I haven't blogged in a while. Okay, so I'm also really lazy, but the lack of the PC is also a major factor as well as a convenient excuse. The upside is I've had a lot more free time to play games (yet spend it all playing F-Zero X and Alien Crush). The downside is I can only feed my DToid addiction while I'm at work. Hopefully it will get fixed sometime this week, assuming I can scavenge up the parts instead of having to actually order (and therefore pay for) something.

The girl went to a Harry Potter midnight release party at Barnes & Nobles last night to pick up her copy of Harry Potter and the Wondrous Cash Cow. I'm a fan of the books (and sort of a fan of the movies), but I can't hold a candle to her zeal for the series. By the time I'd woken up, she was about 100 pages in. Of course, the first thing she says to me is "Oh my god, [Minor Character] died!"

Now she knows I've been specifically avoiding spoilers about the book so I wouldn't fall victim to another SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE (Thanks again random asshole in Orgrimmar General Chat). Her excuse was "I just had to tell someone about it!" As if she couldn't have called any of the dozen friends she saw last night when the book was released. Christ, tell the baby! Babies don't care about spoilers, they're BABIES. Or even tell the damn cat. She's more into Artemis Fowl anyway.

Of course, after I restate my express desire to hear no more about the book until I get a chance to read it myself, a few hours later she tells me "Wait until you get to the part with Luna Lovego-" At which point I covered my ears and wondered if I was going to have to stay with a friend for the next few days. So maybe Luna Lovegood dies too. Or maybe she has a lesbian sex scene with Cho Chang. I don't know. I'm still hanging on to my theory that the book will end with Harry and Voldemort just full-on making out, and at some point Professor McGonagall is going to get gang-raped by Crabb and Goyle. If this ends up being the case, then I'll be 100% certain J.K. Rowling has been reading my fan fiction.



Tomorrow night I'm going to read that son of a bitch all the way through, and start saying things around her such as "Poor Ginny. I know the last few books have been getting darker, but I never thought she'd be strung up from the Quidditch hoops by her intestines. By Neville of all people!"

So the question I pose to you, Internets: What are some of your fake predictions for the last book? Will Ron and Hermione drown in gallons of Grawp spunk in a Bukkake incident gone horribly wrong? Will Sirius and Dumbledore come back as zombies to infect the entire student body of Hogwarts? Will we get to see some hot Lupin bestiality? Does it turn out that the entire series was actually a front for Satanism all along? Inquiring and demented minds want to know!