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Doctors: Frenzy Virus Outbreak Caused by Anti-Vaxxing Monsters


Researchers with the Medical Institute of Val Harbor announced today they believe the recent outbreak of the Frenzy Virus has been caused by monsters refusing to get their offspring vaccinated.

The Frenzy Virus outbreak was discovered last month when a group of hunters came across an infected Congalala in Sunken Hollow. The infection caused the beast to be more aggressive than ever before. Two hunters were lost in the fight with the Congalala, however the beast was eventually defeated. Since the encounter, more monsters infected with the virus have been found.

“It’s really heart-breaking,” says Doctor Meow-Wow, a Palico with a degree in Virology. “The Frenzy Virus ravaged monsters in this region many years ago. A vaccine was eventually developed and we eradicated the disease. But now it’s coming back and we believe it has something to do with monsters who aren’t getting their children the necessary shots to prevent such an outbreak.”

Doctors say the recent uptick in monsters refusing to get vaccinated is due to comments made by celebrity monster Jenny Monoblos. Monoblos has written several books about raising a son who was born without a horn at the tip of his nose.

“The horn is the most prized piece of the Monoblos,” the monster wrote in her 2013 book Monster Warriors. “The duty of a parent is not only to raise their child to kill any human who approaches it, but to make our child worth killing because of the fanciful rewards hunters will get when they finally bring us down. Because of the Frenzy Virus vaccine, my child will no longer have the opportunity to be prized by the world’s most deadly hunters.”

Monsters say it’s not only Jenny Monoblos’ words that have kept them from getting the vaccination, but also the idea that their kids just don’t need it.

“It’s our right as a parent to decide what is safe and unsafe for our little monster,” Gore Magala said. “I’m not going to sacrifice the well-being of my child. My child is pure.” When asked about the harm not vaccinating his monster could bring to the monster community, Magala added, “It’s not my responsibility to be protecting their child.” Gore Magala then ate the photographer sent along with our reporter to do the interview.

Other monsters have cited the vaccine makers themselves as the reason to not get their kids vaccinated.

“Did you know the pharmaceutical companies who make the vaccine stand to make one point five billion zenny this year from vaccines alone?” Shagaru Magala said when asked why she didn’t get her two-year-old monster vaccinated.

While many in the monster media are calling these anti-vaxxers “irresponsible,” there is growing support behind the movement. Many politicians planning on running for President of the Monsters in 2016 have voiced their support for a parents right to choose. There’s even a band of monsters called The Refusers who are playing to sellout crowds with songs like Vaccine Gestapo (They're a medical military priesthood / Just like Akantor, they preach the greater good).

UPDATE: From the time the interviews were conducted to when the story was published, all monsters we spoke with have become infected with the Frenzy Virus and died.

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About CJ Andriessenone of us since 6:56 PM on 10.14.2014

Just what the internet needs: yet another white guy writing about video games.