The biggest lie is that the wooden puppet is named Pinocchio. That's the name of the mad scientist and scholars all agree the puppet should be referred to as "Pinocchio's Monster".

Sometimes I pee sitting down because I'm too tired to stand and I don't need everyone on this bus judging me. It's hard enough to drive without all these eyes on you.

Sheeeeeit.

Remember that episode of King of the Hill where Bobby is brainwashed by ants? What the fuck was that all about?

Just got back from the crazy doctor, turns out I'm very staple, very genius. 🧐

If all dogs go to heaven, where do hellhounds come from?

When you are DM and you know one of your players peeked ahead in the campaign.

If you're reading this you just got crabs.

In the original Star Wars: Battlefront 2 there is a game mode where you can fight an army of Wampas.

I struggle a lot with my self-image, truly. I've never been confident enough to post my face on Qtoid, but seeing the bravery of everyone else, I think it is time. The plastic surgery has just healed and I'm ready to show the world! #selftoid

I had a dream where someone offered me "fart-flavored gum" and out of curiosity I tried it. 10/10, tasted like fart.

This is more of a question for mods: What are the consequences of me posting an image of me tanning my taint, cheeks wide open? Two or three week ban? I want to be clear that I am not going to do that! And that if I did, it would not be sexual in nature.

Featureman and a minor back in 1973. That's what the video is about. Just giving a warning for anyone who wants or needs to avoid seeing a video like this because of past experiences.

All Luis needed was a green herb or first aid spray.

Would you trade all the money in your wallet for a weasel that farts testosterone on your breakfast eggs?

No fucking way. Bull. Shit.

Nintendo is Disney's wet dream.

Need a volunteer. Were using witchcraft to turn someone into a Sonoran Desert Toad to lick to get high. Downside is that you won't be able to get high, upside is that for every lick we will give Tucker Carlson a purple nurple (Not the drink).

Oh shit, they brought back the Rito bird people in TotK. We haven't seen them since Wind Waker! This is nuts!

Roundabouts work, but the ones they build around residential areas are too fucking small. You got about 15 feet between roads to figure out if the vehicle coming around is turning or going past you. It's outrageous!

Drive-Thru places should make a rule that big orders can only be purchased inside. Need to feed like 10 people but the doors are closed? You're fucked! Better luck tomorrow!

How dumb is it I have to watch an ad(s) to watch a trailer on Youtube? I'm being advertised to so that I can be advertised to.

Imagine Dragons? More like Imagine there's a spider in your mouth and the more you try to get it out the deeper it goes and the only way to rid yourself of the arachnid before it lays eggs is to comment on this post.

Paf, paf, paf.

El Gigante.