Shut up, alarm! Let me pretend to sleep for like 15 more minutes.

The hardest part about Easter is dressing up like a rabbit and stuffing 12 colored eggs in your rectum. Wish we didn't choose ostrich eggs this year.

Think of the word "Orc", and you probably picture something from Warcraft, 40K, LOTR, D&D, Skyrim, etc. So how come in Anime they look like pigs? Why is that? Answer: If you add a P, you get "Porc".

When gas prices eventually drop, do you think they'll keep the Biden stickers on the pumps?

Welp, I guess not all NFTs are bad.

Almost thought I was out of sugar for my coffee this morning. Almost used G Fuel as a substitute.

I just made the cut!

Valentines is actually a Hard time for us, and with it around the corner, it's Jerking my relationships into another conflict. My Right Hand wants to try couples counseling again. Any advice?

The things I post aren't always a cry for help. Sometimes I'm just feeling frisky.

"Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across. Because it is easier to fuck them in the ass while their backs are turned." - Sun Tzu

Microsoft. Sony. NYT. You thought these were the biggest stories of 2022. But I'm about to sweep these headlines into the gutter. Thanks to NFTs, I am buying Disney!Then Pluto! And I'm going to crash Pluto into Venus and make half-dwarf planets!

Red Dead Redemption 2: "Whoops, I fired from the hip again. Reckon I'll loot you for $3.50 and a silver pocket watch, and mosey on out."

They should make a video sharing social media platform for people to pick fights and call it "ShiTok".

I got my booster shot yesterday. Please leave a comment about what a hero I am. Extra zesty.

You enter the Great Deku Tree's mouth, what do you find?

Sergeant Major Avery Johnson: He knows what the ladies like.

If Eve is made from Adam's rib, does that mean that Adam commits the sin of masturbation?

RIP Madden

Happy Holidays my learned nipponese friend. Pray forgive if I deck the halls with my half filled chalice.

I'm going to make a game called "Thief of Seas" where you play as Booty that digs up pirates.

In nipple play it's easy to tell an amateur when they only use their index finger and thumb. You want to utilize all digits, but your pinky, and then pull. It is prophesized that the one who can use all five digits will rise to godhood.

I wish I was Canceled. #CancelSwine

Takes forever to get on the plane, then off. How many people need carry-on luggage for a fuck'n one-hour flight? Check that shit in at the gate and sit your ass down.

I don't think it's funny, it makes me cringe, and I'm pretty sure I was heavily intoxicated while writing it; but here is my Halloween fanfic that I repost every year since 2018. https://www.destructoid.com/--513571.phtml#post

Guess I can post this video about food or something.