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Phil is the most un-anticipated game this year...


In a move that has been described by some as breathtakingly brave, I have released a free demo on Steam for my upcoming game Phil.

The roguelike game tells the tale of an office worker who has been abducted and forced to take part in a sadistic gameshow, where he is made to battle his way through a handful of unique levels to earn his freedom.

Fight your way past a variety of ridiculous enemies, using a selection of even more ridiculous weaponry, including:

  • The BlunderCuss, which loudly shouts expletives as it is fired
  • The AK470, the Kalashnikov's humongous brother
  • The Ray Gun, which fires stingrays instead of conventional bullets

It's a ray-gun, but not like you've ever seen before...

Every weapon has an upgradable counterpart. You can also then upgrade yourself as you gain XP for killing enemies - for instance:

  • The Beserker upgrade means all machine-guns dual wield
  • The Martyrdom upgrade means you drop a grenade every time you dash

I expect Phil to be nominated for three Oscars, two Pulitzer Prizes, and a Nobel Peace Prize - although critics have not described the game as favorably, saying:

“Yeah, I suppose it’s a game, if you really want to stretch the definition of the word…”


“If you contact me one more time I’m going to the police.”

While interviewing myself, I said: 

“I really don’t want to release the game at all, to be honest, let alone a demo as well.

“Frankly, I think you should all just make your own games and leave my one alone.

“But my Mum said I had to share, so here we are.”

The demo contains just the one level, and does not have the story mode implemented. There are a total of eighteen weapons in the demo, although the final game will have a lot more. Like, at least a quazillion guns. Maybe two quazillion.

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About tomosbachone of us since 2:37 AM on 05.17.2022