LONG BLOG
A Simple Dong Dude Living a Cock-Plex Life.
Small Disclaimer: I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.
Just like that, I was staring up at the night sky. Just a few minutes ago I was having a pleasent coversation with my best friends girlfriend, on our way to a club which has long since shut down. Only one thought went through my head as I glanced over and saw two men swaggering away, shouting profanities and grabbing at their package.
"I must have done something to deserve this."
What the fuck is up everyone. As most of you already know, I'm Soulbow. Deciding to do a c-blog was probably the worst idea I've had since deciding to drink an entire Old English before 10am.
Oh wait, that was today.
I'm still trying to decide exactly how to word this, how best to convey my thoughts into a tangled mess of words for one to skim through at an exuberiant pace. If you get a semi, that's just the icing on the cake. I did have one point I wanted to make with this though.
Everyone is scared.
That's right ass-plungers, this isn't a comedic c-blog designed to make you piss yourself from excited giggling like everything else I post, this is a blog where shit gets fucking real. So strap the fuck in and grip your own Dong Dude, here we go.
When I was in high school I had a tit. Not like a small little "oh your one pec is slighter bigger than the other." No. A full blown, solid B cup titty. Pretty sure at one point it was bigger than my current girlfriend's at the time. Now I know what you're thinking; "That sounds like a pubescent guy's dream! You can grope yourself and pretend you're fondling that popular chick from Social Studies class right?"
Not the case. It defines everything you are, like a big old sign that screams "easy target here!" So what do you do? The logical, smart decision is to remain humble and shy away in the corner hoping it would all go away. This isn't a blog about smart decisions. I got angry, and started making a character out of myself. Being six foot five inches tall even at the point of my life meant it was a pretty easy thing to do, since you're already a walking wacky inflatable tube arm guy.
I was loud, I was abrasive, I was edgy. Shit, I still am, it's come to define who I am. I've always had the idea of "if you have a work ethic, you will never go hungry in this world." God damnit, I was going to be an action movie character. Someone who never waivered, never doubted, just blew full force through life and didn't take shit from anyone. Except movies are just movies, and at the end of the day you still have to lay your head down like every other normal Joe Fuck and think about how you could have done better that day.
Funny thing about it though, it started to work. People see it day in and day out and they start to Believe. They think you're just an ass, or just that one guy who always is going to turn it into a sexual joke, and they appreciate you on a superficial level. That kid with the tit? He keeps shrinking, keeps getting buried under stitch after stitch of kevlar armour, but he never goes away.
Laying in bed at night, tossing and turning he rears his ugly head. Even though high school was over, and the tit had been gone for a number of years, he still remained. "Maybe if you weren't such a fuck up you wouldn't of failed university. Look at your girlfriend, you don't deserve her. She's smarter, prettier, and more social than you are. People just LIKE her better than you."
Here's a pro tip for you guys, the answer for that man is never found at the bottom of a bottle. Trust me, I've looked long and hard, it ain't fucking there. Oh sure, it shuts him up like a punch to the face for a while. Be careful though, and always listen, lest you lose everything you've ever loved.
"Self destructive personality" would be a phrase I'd come to hear in the weeks that followed. At least she had a term for it. Well, someone had to destroy me, cause the world wasn't doing it for shit. Try as I might, no matter how many fights I got into or dumb words came out of my mouth, the world always looked the other way. My sister was the one to get Type 1 Diabetes; with her perfect, healthy lifestyle. Life isn't always fair.
I still have this personality. Being 25 it's not like I've lived like this for years or have decades of knowledge and worldly experience under my belt, not at all. Fuck sakes, 6 months ago I wasn't even one of you. Listening to this community and hearing others talk so blatently and so honestly about themselves in such a raw way scares me. That's why I hide behind the personality. The dong dudes, siege, touching dicks. What a lovely facade, hide away from the man, don't look at him.
So I guess I found the point of this blog, here I am, addressing the man. Hey, fuck-cushion. You shaped me into who I am today. You gave me the experiences to reflect, learn empathy and compassion for the human soul. At the end of the day, everyone is scared. Everyone has a man inside them they're trying to shut up. Learn to lean into the skid. It may hurt like a fucking bitch, but if you listen hard enough, you might just learn something.
Thanks for taking the time to give this a ponder, and thanks for just existing. You're never alone, and sometimes the most rude people are the ones who just want to be loved the most.
Now, who's ready to siege my rectum?
LOOK WHO CAME:
