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Yoshi's Island SNES Classic port is perverted gold


Sonic the Hedgehog for aspiring dinosexuals


Another day, another port of a SNES game releasing on a plug and play console, and wouldn't you know, it's fantastic. Heck, it was all that great to begin with according to Chad's review of the original release, which I more or less agree with, at least positivity wise wise. 

For those unfamiliar, this is a game by the Mario producer, another 'popular' dinosaur game series, only instead of being about a happy plumber, this is more of an animal mascot platformer similar to the Sonic series. Spoilers: You never get to see tits because I guess Japanese developers like teasing or at the very least frown upon dinosexuality; can't blame them, most people do. There are plants that are just basically giant mouths that grab boobs and incestuous kissing, however.

Yoshi's Island (SNES, SNES Classic [impressions])
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Released: August 5, 1995 (SNES), September 29, 2017 (SNES Classic)
MSRP: $69.99 (SNES), $79.99 (SNES Classic, with 20 other games included)

Instead of going in-depth and reiterating things already said in our SNES review, I'll just give you a quick breakdown. You play as a selection of big (and identically) titted dinosaurs sent to an island to help a baby rescue another baby from another dinosuar. During battles, which are tongue fests consisting of the same few button presses that every character does, sometimes they lose their eggs while they look into the camera in horror, which is more than a bit rapey. Eventually, the dinos are fighting with no eggs at all, because of course they are. 

There's some kind of shallow relationship story buried in here that consists of running past characters and collecting their piss-yellow coins over and over during stages. Doing this enough eventually unlocks special levels, most of which have a kot to say (like most of the game, but I'll get to that) or just over-the-top awesome level gimmicks about weird dogs and turning into a helicoptor, which are both funny and sexy. There are real-time stage select maps between the wonderful story's stages, during which the dinos' boobs jiggle crazily every time they move; I mean these things look like water balloons floating in space, even fully clothed. It just looks fantastic.

I didn't mind much of the story, mostly because I've never played a game with so little dialogue that does a lot to artificially shorten a game that is already too short for its own good. Characters literally discuss using a magic wand to turn a little round man into a big round man, and the weather, or randomly talk about being a baby dinasour king out of the blue for seemingly no reason. After around two levels worth of these scenes, I started to skip them all but the very end. Many regrets.

Port-wise the game runs smooth and doesn't appear to drop any frames, even during boss fights which are in contrast to the SNES version. But for a stable framerate, you're basically trading stability in for easy emulation. In my time with the game, I experienced no crashes, the game accepting to recognize the controller I'd been using, the audio sounding great, and eventually the game refusing to work while my controller was unplugged. This is why I didn't bother to complain about that -- I don't have enough time or patience to complain about minor details on good games, let alone ones I love.

Not only is this game fun as hell, but it offers something of value whatsoever. All the characters look nearly identical aside from one or two, the boob physics are awesome, the platforming isn't repetitive, and there is a lot to a ton of variety. Hell, even across the tons and tons of eggs I unlocked, most were just reskins. If you're looking for fun gameplay or dinosaur tits, you're in the right place. 

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About Jonathan Holmesone of us since 4:12 PM on 12.04.2007

"Where do dreams end and reality begin? Videogames, I suppose."- Gainax, FLCL Vol. 1

"The beach, the trees, even the clouds in the sky... everything is build from little tiny pieces of stuff. Just like in a Gameboy game... a nice tight little world... and all its inhabitants... made out of little building blocks... Why can't these little pixels be the building blocks for love..? For loss... for understanding"- James Kochalka, Reinventing Everything part 1

"I wonder if James Kolchalka has played Mother 3 yet?" Jonathan Holmes

Wild Holmes pic by Cadtalfryn

AnthonyDressRun sprites by Jonathan Holmes