I’m sitting at my desk. Thinking. Staring my computer in the face. The blue light is burning into the back of my skull, screaming at me, “Sleep. Why won’t you sleep?” It’s a question that I ask myself on several nights of any given week. It a question that often goes unanswered, as the blue light continues to pound my head into a throbbing, thick submission.
Sometimes I play it off as the poor decision making of a 20-something. “Oh, well, I just wanted to watch some anime and got too carried away,” or I’ll think to myself “Well, when else am I going to sink my teeth into *insert video game title here*, I have to work most days!” These are the perfect kind of lies, because they’re based in truth. I don’t have a lot of time to spare during the day…but I do have enough. Enough to play Persona 5 for a few hours. Enough to write an article or two somedays. Enough to finish Eureka Seven. I have enough, yet here I am at 4 a.m. Just sitting at my laptop. I could excuse it as getting, “carried away,” but I don’t often get carried away. I’m a control freak, and using that as an excuse for stay up incredibly late, multiple nights of the week? Nope, it doesn't make sense.
So…why am I awake? The truth is, I'm incredibly tired, but my body just won't let me sleep.
That’s how my stress has been manifisting itself lately. I don’t suffer from any extreme bouts of anxiety, or react poorly to stress, but I’ve been noticing that I haven’t been properly exhausting the energy I accumulate on any given day. Thus, the difficulty getting to sleep. The energy radiates forth from me as the day grows longer. By nightfall, a tightly wound garden hose is the spitting image of my mind; cannibalized, bound tightly by the tension, unable to loosen its coils. My energy propels me, but sometimes it won’t let me stop when I want it to.
Let me reassure you all of something really quick; there is not a ton of highly-stressful things happening in my life right now. My life has a normal amount of stress, but I’ve been having a lot of trouble releasing that stress. It’s been catching up to me, and I can’t say I’m a huge fan of how I’ve been feeling lately. Which is why something needs to change.
I spend a lot of time at my desk. Writing stuff. Sometimes it’s a short story. Sometimes it’s for Flixist. Sometimes it’s for the C-blogs (like right now!) But that means that I’m not getting as much exercise as I should be. I go to the gym on occasion (what, maybe once a week?) but it just isn’t enough. This excess energy inside me needs to be regularly vented. So…. starting today, I shall be travelling to the gym far more often. Probably 4ish times a week.
I’ve been meaning to get in shape for a long while now, and I think this recent bout of stress is the cue for me to take this problem on headlong. I want to get my 7 hours of sleep, and not stay up into the dead of night because my body feels tense from the lack of any physical release. I can just feel my blood boiling inside me, and it’s time for a change.
To the gym I shall go, to run.
Hey, thanks for reading this guys. I’m just gonna CTRL+V this from Word into the Blog Editor with a few pics, maybe add a funny picture or two in the morning before posting. Maybe you could tell from the content discussed, but I’m writing this super late at night, and I’m honestly dead tired. Hopefully it reads okay.
Anyways, take care!
Ah, shit wait a sec.
I just remembered something.
I’ve been meaning to make some more meaty C-blogs lately, but I wasn’t sure what to write about. I have a bunch of neat ideas, but my mood lately has been driving me to be less creative, and be a little more analytical. Which is why I’m going to finish my critique of the Uncharted series. I’ve got nearly all my ideas written down, so I’m just going to say, “fuck it!” and start writing about it this week. It should be a lot of fun, and if you liked my first two blogs on the subject, expect a very similar ebb-and-flow for this upcoming piece…which will be about Uncharted 3! Oh, and I’m also working on a sequel blog to that one I wrote about what it’d be like to play a game of, ‘hide the sausage’ with AAA Publishers. So expect that in the near future. And, of course, Ive been getting a bunch of new ideas that I’ll work on once I’m finished with that stuff, or if I get tired with all the old topics and want to work on something really fresh.
Okay, love you, bye!
- Drew Stuart (LoB)