2017

4:08 PM on 03.01.2017 (server time)0

I'm bored again, and so I'm back! Very little work and a tornado warning that put half the staff away means no prying eyes for my day of Destructoid browsing and doodling. Here we go again!

I didn't realize that it was Ash Wednesday today, because I had been yet to log into Facebook and see my one friend's endless stream of Bible quotes, but user taterchimp reminded me first with his picture of Ash to celebrate. This had me wondering what a Satanic Ash would look like. Happy Road-to-Easter, folks.

Then, Chris put up his review of the Switch. Sounds like it plays video games, which is better than some people were expecting. This reminded me of that commercial where the guy walks his dog to the park, so that he can sit on a bench at night and play Zelda on his expensive piece of electronics that's sold out and no one would ever try to steal by force. People can do that in real life very soon. Here are what I imagine the results will look like.

User lokhe posted about how ten bucks for three pounds of smoked rainbow trout is a good deal. The phrase "hot smoked rainbow trout" triggered something inside me, and I decided to follow ebb and flow of my soul.

CJ posted more Switch related stuff, because I guess it's going to be popular for a bit. He referred to his time with a game called Snipperclips as a "little cutting party," which I thought sounded in itself like the next Nintendo Switch family party hit sensation.

There's been a trend in today's blogs to contain somewhat poetic retellings of our gaming lives and histories for some reason. Maybe the coming Spring makes us sentimental? I don't know. What I do know, however, is that I'm not the type to break a trend, so I traveled back to my earliest gaming memory. Games saved my life, guys. Really. When I was a late-term aborted fetus hiding in the basement of an old blind couple, I had nothing but Atari to play in order to build muscles and congnitive prowess to complete development into the manchild you know today. I would have died without it. The themes of abandonment present in E.T. spoke to me for obvious reasons, and it remains my favorite game to this day.

All in all, this was a pretty slow day for Destructoid as it was for me. Not many interesting articles and sluggish movement in the community. Maybe that's just the way it's meant to go. If it's slow for me, it's slow for everyone else. Nothing happens, and so no one does anything. That's kind of sad. So is death. Here's a picture of a dying Sonic.