The Grand Theft Auto-With-A-Shark simulator has recently been unleashed
(YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?) on GameTap. While I haven't had a chance to play this myself, I'm sure it's every bit as wonderful as people have been saying. Okay, maybe not
. So why should you still care? Let's look at the facts
- Sharks kick ass. If you disagree, you're probably either a baby seal cub or a female surfer
currently getting a visit from Aunt Flo
. Or maybe you just suck. Knock it off already.
- The soundtrack was composed by Tommy Tallarico
, which puts it in the elite class of 87% of all games made since 1991
. That dude is crazy obsessed with Spider-Man
, which makes him all good in my book. Also, he does some video game concert thing
on the side.
- That time a zombie fought a shark
in Lucio Fulci's appropriately titled "Zombie
". Sure, the zombie won, but that's just goes to show that zombies are pretty hardcore, even out of their element.
- Sharks are cool, and by cool I mean totally sweet
- It was developed by the same guys
who made Ecco The Dolphin
, and as we all know Chad
is totally gay for dolphins
. Therefore it's good by association
- They have their own week
- Fear of sharks keeps filmmaker Kevin Smith out of the ocean
, and anything that prevents him from wearing a bathing suit in public has to be a good thing.
- That slow motion shot of the Great White jumping out of the water
from Planet Earth
. I mean, how fucking cool was that?
- See the picture at the top of this post. Or if cell-shading is your preference, see the original webcomic
it was based on. Also, see this picture of a gorilla high-fiving a shark in front of an explosion
via CTZ's blog
. Since sharks, gorillas, and explosions are all rad, that picture is like, quadruple rad. My math is totally correct, because the shark counts twice.
Okay, in all honestly nobody gives a shit about Jaws Unleashed
. I bring it up not only as an excuse to post that pic, but to mention again all the other awesome titles GameTap
has to offer like Psychonauts
or (holy shit didn't this just come out yesterday?) Overlord
. It's $9.99 a month for access to an assload of games
, and that's a much better way to spend your money than say, feeding starving Africans
or something. But do whatever you want. See if I care.