SrChurros' pro tips for keeping that infinite gaming backlog huge

Discipline is for losers

Some Dtoiders have already written some great arcticles about how to optimize your gaming time, so you can be able to finish aaaaaaaaaall those games from your backlog while being a responsible, functional adult. NakedBigBoss just baked a delicious one one that is still fresh from the oven, and our beloved men/machine Chris Carter wrote another excellent one over 3 years ago.

However these guides share an enormous common flaw: they preach the idea (or dare I say, polictical agenda?) that finishing your backlog is a good thing. But why would it be? You've already lived together with it for so long that it is almost a family member now. Would you kill a family member? No. Besides, having a backlog is an objective way to measure your worth as a TRUE GAMER.

With that mindset I've prepared this guide, specifically to help you treat your backlog with care so it can grow big and healty!

Fried Tip #1 - Buy ALL those games

Be impulsive. If you think you need a game it means you really do, SPECIALLY if it's on sale. A few years ago I got Alan Wake on sale and I never installed that game since then. But it was so dirty cheap that I had to buy it.

Are you unemployed and/or low on cash? No problem, it is exactly for people like you and me that indie games exists! If you still not able to buy anything you just have to wait to the next big Steam sale.

Oh, and speaking about sales, I am pretty sure that buying the Star Wars Collection during the last Winter Sale was a great choice, and I'm looking forward getting the Worms Collection this year.

Fried Tip #2 - Visit Destructoid all day long

Why play games when you could instead be visiting Destructoid? There are so many ways to waste time there: the front page articles and news, reading the Cblogs, quiposting sharing catgirls and waifus, writing a bad joke blog about backlogs... it is your choice!

Fried Tip #3 - Play lots of enormous/infinite/roguelike games

A good way to keep your backlog big is to prioritize gigantic or infinite games. There is nothing like wasting 10 hours sidequesting in Skyrim instead of following the main plot, or throwing away dozens of hours designing rockeds and spetacularly failing to launch them in Kerbal, or even grind for 3 days nonstop in Monster Hunter until that damned monster finally drops a "LrgEnchantedDragonElbow" so you can make that FA-BU-LOUS armor set.

The great thing about Roguelikes is that they mix their inherent crazy high replay value with the "just one my try" effect, which is nothing more than a psychological trap to keep you glued at the same game for longer.

And don't feel bad about quitting RPGs halfway and never go back. This is what we professionals call "recycling": the game temporarily leaves your backlog, you play it, aand then it goes back to the backlog as if nothing ever happened. I can still hear during my sleep Etrian Odyssey 4's desperate screams for help in my dreams, begging for me to finish it.

Fried Tip #4 - Guides are for losers

Guides are the spawn of Satan and their only objective is to tempt the TRUE GAMERS to the evil path. Guides are a disrespect to the original creator's vision that the developers had. Besides, when a game presents you no clue at all to how to keep going forward or a puzzle that requires an esoteric and completely ilogical solution, it is 100% of the time a completely intentional and conscious decision from the dev, and fighting against it is recognizing that videogames won't never, ever be a true art form.

The only exception is Phantasy Star 2: that game's dungeons were projected by the Devil himself and are unplayable wwithout a good guide. Trust me, I've tried mapping the first few dungeons in the past.

Fried Anti-Tip #1 - Play during your commute

Ok, you know what? Playing during daily bus trips to college make them 300 times less awful, so I'll let this anti-tip pass. Feeling a little better every day is a worth sacrifice, and I'm sure you backlog will understand your decision.

Fried Tip #5 - Get obsessed over only one game at time

This is my personal home-made tip that helped me to play the smallest possible number of games during these last years. Play only one game at time, but don't play just to finish it, no no n: play like if you wanted to squeeze the most fun juice you can out of it, until you can't stand looking to it anymore.

Alyways ask yourself: why? Why should I stop playing The Binding of Isaac after unlocking every ending when you could try to unlock Afterbirth's secrec character instead? Why consider your Pokémon X&Y journey over after you beat Elite 4 when you could try completing Kalos Pokédex? Why stop playing Sonic 2 after grabbing the 7 emeralds when you could just keep playing until the level layouts are burnt into your memory, probably causing long term collateral effects?

An important note is to highlight that being obsessed witha  game is something completely independent of being a completionist. You can easily spend months in a game spinning in the same place. 

When you feel you finally have completely exhausted a game it's time to go after the next one. Act like a swarm of hungry locusts, flying from game to game and lefting a sterile trail whenerver you pass through.

And these were my tips to keep your backlog as big as possible! These have worked wonderfully weell to me during the years, aand I hope they can be useful for you too! Nothing shows to other people that you are a happy and accomplished gamer as an enormous, beautiful and pulsating pile of unplayed games.

- "I’m not trying to bug you babe, but I just got mugged today and I need some money to buy candy bars"

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