H8ers H8, Ads Prove NX Will Be Gr8

So, Nintendo made a console, and they're going to announce it soon--like six months before the thing ships--becasue that's how launching a major piece of hardware works in this business, now, I guess. Whatever. That just gives us more time to speculate on what it might be instead of dissect what it actual is. That's cool, because it lets us pretend that we're all smart and right, even when we're probably wrong.

Anyway, the latest rumor is that the NX is a handheld that plugs into a dock that makes it into a console. So, what you're getting here is more than one thing. It's two things. Two is better than one. You can argue all you want about whether it'll be as strong as the Playbox 4 or Xbox One S(cropio)--which honestly doesn't matter, since all of Nintendo's best sellers have been underpowered--or whether its hardware will attract third-parties or what have you, but you're wrong. The NX is going to be more than one thing, and more than one thing is always better than just one, single thing. Would you rather be in a fight where you're against two people or where you are two people? The answer is obvious.

Still need convincing? Fine. Here are the greatest minds at telling us that shit is worth our money--advertisers--proving that having more than one thing is always a good thing.

CAUTION: This is going to be image-heavy. So, tell your mom to buy another AOL CD and buckle up, loser.

Look. This man is not just man but also beast. Being all man is boring. Being all beast is dumb. But if you're two things, you're better than either, because you're both combined. You'd think that selling body wash with the image of a wet horse would not work, but it does. Because it's not just a wet horse. There's a wet man, too, and everyone wants to be a wet man-horse. Don't believe me that human-animal hybrids are better than regular humans or animals? Check out Qtoid on Fridays. That'll change your mind--and your underwear.

This girl blew people's minds right out of their fucking skulls when she said this, and she's been an internet sensation, basking in the glow of everlasting stardom ever since. Nintendo also wants the glow of everlasting stardom, so sorry TV-jockeys, they got to give us both. Little girls don't lie.

Leave it to Hustler to remind us where two things really matter. If you're giving a woman some knuckle-pleasure, you'd better use two, or she might think you have small fingers. Donald Trump learned this the hard way. Nintendo learns from the mistakes of other business professionals, so they're going to finger you twice at once and give you pleasure wherever you go. Good thing this is an advertisement that you can buy and wear, that way you can take it around town and show people how smart you are and also that you support Nintendo and are good at sex. Lucky you!

Look at how much fun these women are having. Look at how alike they are. One's blowing a bubble while the other laughs and rests a hand on her sister's crotch. Now, that's how you double your pleasure. No other company sells as much mint as Doublemint, because for every stick of gum Doublemint sells they sell twice as much mint. This is math. Nintendo understands math, because they're Asian. That was racist, but not as racist as this next set of twins.

If you thought one steryotype could sell your washing powder, just imagine the power of two steryotype black boys sharing a washing basket together. Gold Dust is now a multi-billion dollar empire that's rich enough to own its own WWE superstar wrestler and it's all thanks to this beautiful advertisement. And if there were only one boy in that tub, none of that would have ever happened.

In summation 2>1. Get over it, weebs.

LOOK WHO CAME:

Vadicta   

DeadMoon   29

Jiraya   27

Wes Tacos   18

Luckrequired   11

Gajknight   10

BruceZ   10

absolutfreak   5

Kristmas Kaiser   5

Funkotrons Finest   3

EdgyDude   2