LONG BLOG
Max Applesauce and the Breakfast: Part 2
Written by Richard "SegaDonkey" MacDonald
Chapter 2: I’m Sick of Your Fucking Attitude
Suddenly, the door sizzled and melted into acrid sludge. The mysterious female that I have yet to give a name and the Max Applesauce that I’ve named Max Applesauce stepped through the door like two awesome motherfuckers who are here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I have some of that gum with the juicy strawberry kiwi stuff in it. It’s delicious.
“I PEE ACID!” Max Applesauce beamed. “THE DOCTORS SAY IT’S BECAUSE OF MY DIET!”
Girl person word vomits, “What’s your diet?”
“ACID!”
“Aw, shit.” A young man with the most bored expression ever concocted entered the room by way of rolling along the floor in one of those office chairs with the wheelies on the bottom. “Hey, guys, look, it’s cool and all if you want to stay here in the lobby, but I’m not allowed to let you past here.”
“DOES THE BACONY DELICIOUS BACON TASTE HAVE A HOME IN THIS ROOM? FOR IF THE ANSWER IS NO THEN MY ANSWER IS YES I CAN GO UPSTAIRS TO GRAND MASTER ORGY BACONFUCK!”
“Yeah, alright,” the guy said with a shrug. “Whatever. I don’t give a shit.”
Lady parts grabbed the guy by the shirt. “Don’t make me use these. By these, I mean guns, and-”
“Yes, I get it. Just fucking go already, you obnoxious chundercunt. A chundercunt is an Australian cunt. I know you’re not Australian, but I’ve been wanting to use that one all day and how many fucking Australians you think I’m going to meet sitting around this place defending a plate of bacon from a mentally unacceptable meatbeast. Point is, fuck off.” That part was the guy saying it, in case you’re stupid. If you weren’t when you started reading this, chances are good you are now.
“ESTEBAN CHOWDERLAMP!” and Max Applesauce punched the guy’s head clean off, which rocketed through a wall and presumably stopped existing as soon as it left the scene and I no longer cared about it. “I WIN AT THAT GUY!”
Biologically female humanoid mass walked all unimpressed-like towards the stairs. “This was an underwhelming chapter and I’m ready to get this thing over with, especially since I’m pretty confident the entire creative wad was blown on the first chapter and there’s nothing but disappointment around the corner.”
“SUDDENLY, DRAMATIC CLIFF-HANGER ENDING! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO MY FAVORITE THUNDERCAT IS!? SUDDENLY, TO BE CONTINUED...!!!”
Continue on to Part 3 because fuck it, why not?
- I shit my pants on Christmas once.
LOOK WHO CAME:
