LONG BLOG
Living In The Past (Personal)
Seriously, people who compare Frozen to The Lion King are just sick
Life is very difficult. It seems that no matter how old you are, how successful you are, how many friends you make, how much money you have, it's all irrelevant in the sense that you will be challenged. You will be hurt. People will find ways to get to you - to bring you down no matter how high a cloud you sit on. It's not a matter of pity, it's not a matter of sadness or empathy, it's just what we are meant to deal with and how we were meant to live. Obstacles will be thrown at you time and time again...so do you run from them, or learn from them?
These are very serious questions that we face every day. There are always more then one answer to them, and sometimes choosing the 'right' one can be very hard. Even when you do, you will often find yourself second guessing what you have done. Have you ever found yourself lying in bed at night, stuck on the feeling that maybe you should have done something different today? Last week? Last month? You sit there, tossing and turning, and wondering "why couldn't I have just made the right choice? Welcome to life, love.
I'm the kind of person who has always elected to run away from my troubles, or simply close the door on them. Ignoring them and moving forward has always been my narrowminded, short term solution. I'm not the only one for sure, as a matter of fact I'm sure a few of you are reading this and nodding your head thinking "me too". We are taught early on that it's better to "just walk away" when we are presented with opposition and aggression...but is that really the BEST way to solve your problems? I suppose it all just depends. Sometimes it's good to start over again from square one - sometimes a fresh start is the right answer. Starting over can give you the opportunity to build yourself up again, and to be the kind of person you really want to be. The only problem with this, however, is that the scars of the past still remain. I don't care who you are, or what you do for a living, it is HARD to forget the past. It is hard to wipe the memories clean. One might say it's better not to forget, but to build off of those negative experiences. True, very true...but even as I look in the mirror, the scars of old, the scars I have accepted as part of me, are still right there where they have always been. They don't dissppear, they don't magically go away. The past is a living, breathing part of our lives that we have to accept, but how much SHOULD it get to you?
The answer, is enough. It should get to you enough. It should make you think about what has happened, what went wrong, and how you could have done things differently. It should keep you up every now and then, pondering on what the best course of action was, or at least what you could have done differently. It SHOULD NOT, however, become something you use to hurt others. What exactly do I mean by that? I have long lived my life thinking of myself as a lone island, a lonely individual who can easily close herself off from the rest of the world and just exist on my own. The selfish, and even ignorant twist, is that in doing such things, I have neglected and hurt the very people who have gone out of their way to support me, to help me, to laugh and cry with me. It's a double edged sword, and it's only lately do I realize how much I've been playing with it. There's nothing wrong with taking some time to reflect. There's nothing wrong with taking time to find yourself. Don't close yourself off though...never burn your bridges. I called and talked to a good friend of mine, an older colleague who has been very open to listening to me rant and ramble while offering me constructive and helpful feedback. She made me draw a blank, and even feel silly when she told me "never burn your bridges". Such an old, sometimes cliche saying...yet truer words have seldomly been spoken. The past may not have always been kind to me, and the future may not always be the same...but the things you do today, the way you hold yourself today, the outcome of today's interactions soon become the past, and thereafter become the late night sessions of tossing and turning.
Round and round we go
I think developing a deeper thought and understanding of this is all part of maturing into an adult, which is something that we are constantly doing. Even the greatest individuals make mistakes now and then, yet what seperates them from the rest is their ability to identify, analyse, and grow from them. Letting go isnt easy, and sometimes it's not even the right thing to do. Taking time to reflect is a great thing to do, but it doesnt mean you should isolate yourself from the world. That is what I'm trying to work on right now, as a person, as an adult, as a lifelong learner. I intend to keep pushing forward, and striving to be the best person I can be every single day. Sometimes you have to take a chance - technically I'm doing that by writing this blog right now. Some people will read this and provide positive, meaningful feedback. Some will laugh at it, and write it off as another soapbox. That's okay, I fine with any outcome. Personally, it feels good to write for the sake of writing, and to just get my feelings out in the open. I would like to thank all my friends and supporters as always, and I hope that maybe sharing these thoughts will help some of you, too. <3
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