"Dear Mantic Games" from the Dismal Jesters

Former Dtoid staffer Jam Starling once ran a spin-off podcast that was essentially a continuation of his old Podtoid show. It ran for a short while but they managed to grab the attention of some corporate sponsors in that time by drafting rather amazing appeals to their sense of generosity (and pity). This is a transcript of Jim's letter to Mantic Games after coming to the conclusion that rival miniatures manufacturer Games Workshop overprices their stuff. Since his previous appeal got the attention of Jones Soda and netted him some free drinks, the podcast panel decided to try it again! Here's the wonderful letter in text form since it's really worth seeing written down.

"Dear Mantic Games man or woman email-reader,

My name is Jim Sterling and I do a podcast on the internet which you can download from computers (brackets the podcast I mean, not the internet which you don't download you SURF (new brackets I put surf in capital (big) letters so that you know I know my stuff when it comes to the information super highway (another word for internet)). I do a podcast called the Dismal Jesters with my lovers Conrad Zimmerman and Jonathan Holmes. Lovers of fun podcasts I mean, not that we do kissing but we might if we all three of us wanted to (I'm not making suggestions).

We have kids mostly listening to the show, kids with the credit cards of their parents who are more than happy to drive their families into ruin for the opportunity to have figurines to paint. We would tell them the best place for their credit card numbers to go is Mantic Games for reasons. Reasons being that they are good and have goblins and skeletons and they look good when they paint them all up. I like the way your dark elves look, they have pointy helmets and that one sorceress looks like she could be a good girlfriend for me or Jonathan Holmes.

I'll be frank, I'm feeling very critical of this letter. I'm in full editing mode now. The creative gush is over and now I just want to change everything I wrote, but I won't. I don't want to lie to you EVER. Your product is ok. We need to base this relationship on intense honesty. Ball-rarn-dasweepy-uugh-oo-oo

Shit. I'm really sorry. I gotta go. I'll write you again tomorrow.

Let's cut to the fingering chase here, son. Our podcast is almost popular and therefore we want stuff we like in exchange for saying things about the stuff we like which, to be honest, we'd have done anyway but we might as well score some swag out of the bargain because Lord knows this podcast costs Jim 30 bucks a month and he's never going to see that again. So, can I have some goblins and maybe some undead from your Kings of War game and, I tell you what, some stuff from them other game what you make wouldn't go amiss either, and some paint and whatever else is good.

Jonathan Holmes has heard me and is helping me write the letter (he did the swears which I'd edit out, but it's funny to me that I ruin any chance that you take me seriously even though I really want your stuff and he thinks I should apologize for what I put down and for some reason will send to you just because I want to show off to my friends and the people who listen to my podcast and somehow I think doing this make me look like a big man). So, sorry but also send free stuff please and I'll talk about it on the podcast which has more than thousands of listeners and check out my YouTube channel /JimSterling on YouTube.

Love,

Jim Sterling of the Dismal Jesters"

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Mantic Games actually replied to... whatever this is, replying to specific parts of the letter, and gave Jim free stuff. Well done!

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