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LONG BLOG

Eight things you didn't know about the insult "Cuck!"

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No doubt by now you've become aware that these days, it's all about the cucks. If you're a right-thinking post-gamergate netizen, you'll no doubt be in a breathless rush to find out if you're cucking enough cucks, and if the cucks you've cucked are being cucked correctly and to a sufficient degree, literally terrified of being outed as "Not a hardcore gamer!" 

Never fear. As The Voice of Sex, I am naturally an expert in cucks and all manner of the cucking thereof, and I'm here to give you all the information you need. 

1. It's nearly a thousand years old!

The first recorded use of the word "Cuckold" dates back to the year 1250. Originally the cuckold - the victim of infidelity - was depicted as having a stag's antlers. This is because a stag who loses a duel to a rival male has to give up his mate. SCIENCE!

To find this image, I Google Image Searched "Cuckold." At work. Yeah, don't do that.

2. In Spain, cucking is related to goats

The Spanish equivalent for cuckold is "Cabron." The cabron is the cheater rather than the victim, and is depicted with goat horns rather than stag antlers. The word comes from the Latin "Capra," as in Capricorn or the Capra Demon. The Capra Demon seems intimidating at first, but if you can deal with the dogs quickly it becomes easy to snipe him from the ledge. Or you can throw firebombs at him from outside the fog gate! OUTSTANDING!

3. Cabron is a different kind of insult

"Cabron" is synonymous with being a bastard or a dick. In his theme song "Booyaka 619," Rey Mysterio describes him self as a "Cabron de San Diego." Rey Mysterio needs to come back to the WWE. Seriously. Come back, mang. I mean, I love Kallisto, but he's botched two entrances this year, and we're not even at Wrestlemania yet. UNCOMFORTABLE!

A Cabron, in his native habitat

4. Conservative broadcasters are really uncomfortable with the word "Cuckservative"

A "Cuckservative" is a conservative who is too timid to take a stand on hot button topics because he fears he will be accused of racism, sexism and so forth. Conservative pundits have been quick to distance themselves from the term because their viewers and sponsors tend to be on the nervous, puritanical side, and the cuck trope is ALL ABOUT BIG, BLACK COCKS. Many incorrectly attribute the term to Rush Limbaugh, but he only referred in passing to "Cuckolded Conservatives." In fact, the term was first used by the Weird Twitter movement out of the Something Awful forums, pre-empting its popularisation by five years! PRECOGNITIVE!

5. It's ALL ABOUT BIG, BLACK COCKS

"Cuck" as a modern insult is closely related to the cuckold pornography genre, which is all about housewives getting slammed by big, black cocks while their nebbish, white partner looks on, torn between despair and arousal. COCKS!

6. The BIG BLACK COCKS ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL!

"Dog whistle politics" is a form of linguistically begging the question by using terms which cast the opponent in an inherently negative light. The term "Cultural bolshevism" was invented by the Nazis as a way of implying that tolerance of other races was some kind of plot to undermine society. This was superseded by "Cultural Marxism," and most recently by "White genocide," which implies that Daisy Ridley's attachment to her big, black stick is going to condition little girls everywhere to crave big, black cocks. COCKS!


I nominate "Little White Cuck-Ball" as the phrase of 2016

7. The language of hate speech is coloured by the secret fears of its proponents

One of the reasons "Cuck" is such an effective insult in the internet era is that the forums where its users tend to congregate are overrun with angry beta males who were bullied in school. As such, any implication of masculinity voluntarily surrendered is an excellent way of poking the nagging doubt at the back of their minds as to their own masculinity, and any argument against usage of the word triggers their natural terror of not being in with the cool kids. TRIGGER WARNING!

8. It's not actually all about BIG, BLACK COCKS!

Contrary to popular perception, the racial distribution of actors in cuckold porn is pretty evenly stacked along the 50/50 line. This is fascinating, as it means that probably anyone who uses the term "Cuck" as an insult, and 100% definitely anyone who complains about the "White genocide" is actually thinking about big, black cocks. They're probably thinking about them now, and if they're reading this they are absolutely, certainly clutching the edge of the table with white knuckles with tears streaming down their faces as they rage internally at disapproving father figures. He's wrong! He's wrong, daddy! I'm not thinking about big, black cocks! I'm a big boy! I can do a wee-wee all by myself! I'M A BIG BOY, DADDY! PLEASE DON'T LET THE BIG BLACK COCKS GET ME!


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About Dalek Sexone of us since 3:11 PM on 02.27.2013

Z list internet comic. I have worked on stuff for podcasts like What A Fool Believes, We Are The Lolocaust, The Monday Movie Show and The Gamescast. I named myself while I was blogging for Tachyon TV. There is a Dr. Who character called "Dalek Sec," only I made it a penis joke. Witty.

I have a Youtube channel where I play terrible mobile games. Sometimes I write and sing funny songs, like the Tailspin theme I rewrote to be about Jonathan Holmes.

Every print magazine and most of the websites I have ever written for have collapsed pyrotechnically within months, making me the Typhoid Mary of games journalism.

I used to write and manage the front page of Encyclopedia Dramatica when it was still good (pre-2008).

I got fired from NTSC-UK once.