Waifu Wars: Naoto

Let’s just get this out of the way: Naoto Shirogane is THE beacon of light for all of humanity.

She is the sun that warms my frigid heart, the moon that bathes my cold skin in her moonlight sonata and the stars that shine resplendently, to guide my path in this dark, uncaring universe.

She is the embodiment of perfection. In fact, she is beyond perfection, as perfection is subjective human nomenclature, and is woefully inadequate in describing such divine providence.

So, my ignorant comrades, allow me to be erudite and enlighten you as to why the One True Waifu is, and can only be, Naoto.

It is common knowledge that short hair is one of the most attractive features a female can have. The practicality of it is unmatched, the styling possibilities limitless and the feel of it in your hand sublime pleasure of most inordinate amount. Mistress Naoto and her radiant short, blue hair is the prime example of this. The perfect shade of blue (my favourite colour, of course), the sharp style showing strength and solidarity, the wonderful hat that ties the whole lot together…it beggars belief that such perfection exists.

On the topic of clothing, one should always be judged on how one presents oneself. And in Goddess Naoto’s case, it is nothing short of orgasmic splendour. The smart blue coat, deceptively twee yet casual enough for most occasions. The matching trousers, chosen with precision care. The high heel loafers, betraying the slightest hint of femininity that proves all the more alluring because of it. If dressing well is half the game, then the game is won here before it ever began.

And what do these clothes rest on? Why, nothing short of the most pulchritudinous specimen in creation. Such a lithe frame, thin and strong, regal in its ability to not embarrass its host with unbecoming bulges, yet hiding those hidden treasures to be unleashed at its leisure. To see restraint at its most highest point, look no further than here, fellow travellers.

Stay with me friends, for you may be awash with premonitions most divine and orgasmic, yet we have but scratched the surface of this benign enigma. For the true Naoto Shirogane is not in the physical but in the spiritual.

Her Royal Majesty Naoto is all things to all people. At times, she is meek and shy, aggrandising ones sense of manly toughness. Other times she is forceful and controlling, reminding one that they pale in comparison to such a majestic light. Intelligent, witty, charming, the sheer breadth of personality this being possesses is enough to leave one discomfit. Yet it would be a pleasurable feeling, as you would be surrounded by greatness.

This is not all either, as Her Most Gracious Naoto’s selflessness is plain for all to see. She will jump in the face of danger for her friends, be they years old or newly made, and cannot abide injustice being meted on the common man. Such is her profession as a detective, her natural inquisitiveness also carries a natural desire to help others, which is one of her more attractive and desirable traits. The fact she faces prejudice in her goals is naught, as she has overcome them and grown stronger because of it. To improve oneself, even a being so already close to perfection, must show one of a higher plane of existence than us mere plebeians.

Myself, I first laid eyes on this Goddess one misty afternoon. I sat, warm in my false reality before true enlightenment, when She walked into my life. I was unprepared, unsuspecting, unready for my world to be turned upside down. She came, unknown at first, merely a passer-by. Yet even at this early stage She had this aura that drew me in. Then came the reveal, which shook me to my core and cleared the cobwebs from my dusty, crusty heart. I…felt love…true love. Afterwards, it was a whirlwind. Whispered sweet nothings, a skiing trip that will be the last thing to leave my memory, a valentine’s day that will go down as the most truthful declaration of adoration in human history and a showdown with fate where all I could think was ‘I hope my love is okay’.

The train ride away and the subsequent closing down of my Vita…was the most excruciating pain I have endured. Nay, I did not endure it, for that would presume I am still the man I was and I am not. That was the end of my story and all I am left with is my fading memories and an undying love that will last infinite lifetimes. I am changed and have gained something irreplaceable, yet lost something almost as special.

You only meet the Divine One once. How I wish for blissful Oblivion, so I could fall in love all over again, to fall in that bottomless pit only to rise from it again.

I will wrap this up, as I have bumbled on for far too long.

The unimaginable entity that is Naoto Shirogane is unexplainable and indescribable. This woeful manifesto barely covers one iota of her interminable immaculateness. To try and describe her is to abjectly fail, this I know. But write I must. To stand with my head held high, hands reaching to the heavens and preaching Her divinity I must. And preach I shall.

For there is only one Waifu. One guiding light. One shining moonlight.

Naoto Shirogane, this is for you.

- lol ur mum

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