LONG BLOG
"Hooking Up The Wii U"
[Sterling on Holmes struggling to set up the Wii U from "Podtoid 227.5 Wii U Launch Day". A particularly hilarious Jim story.]
I'm seeing a woman with horn-rimmed glasses -- this is how I'm seeing you -- a woman with horn-rimmed glasses working in an office on a typewriter.
Clackity-clackity-clackity. Clang! Clackity-clackity-clackity. Tang!
And the boss comes in -- and I am the boss with a big mustache -- and I say, "Oy! What are you doin' there, Dierdre?
And you're like, "Oh ohhh, I'm typin' documents on a typewriter like I do in the eighties!"
And I say, "Oh ho ho, ya silly bastard, you don't have to do that no more, Dierdre -- or Agnes -- whatever you're called. We -- I have invented the computer, because it is the eight-ties. Wheel it in! It is as big as a Coca-Cola buyin' machine that you might get at a shop because it is the eighties. It comes in and sits in your office so you don't have to fuck about with a typewriter no more, fiddlin' about with ink ribbons and bein' unable to save Resident Evil, Diedre, when you need to! I've got this computer, it will save documents and print stuff out and you can go on 'ta MySpace with it, in the eighties. So do that, instead of this typewriter, ya idiot."
And then you're like "Oh nooo, why do I have to? This -- this won't catch on! Typewriters I've used all me life, they're here to stay they're here forever, just like this VHS tape I've got in my bra paddin' it out so it looks like I've got bigger boobies than I have!"
And I say, "Ho ho ho! Haven't even told ya about 'tat Blu-ray technology that I have just invented as well, I've got one in my pocket -- here is a Blu-ray."
And you look at that and go, "Ohhh nooo, I don't like the Blu-ray! I'm just gonna eat this strawberry I found in some dog shit!"
And then I go, "No! I've got some organic strawberries now!"
"OH fuckin' hell! Stick it up my windy chuff! I don't like new things, because I am an old typist from the north of England! I've got a knittin' needle in my hair, that proves I am old fashioned."
"Knitting needle? Ya dumb fuckin' twat! You don't need knittin' needles anymore -- I've got microwaves!"
[The end]
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