Old Man Murray, You Are Missed

(Sorry for bumping this, but the formatting went all screwy when someone made sneaky but not unexpected edits to my post. Being the anal retentive bastard I am, I couldn't leave it alone.)

NOTE: Some of the links in this blog are NSFW.

Far back in the distant past, when terrorists in movies were still allowed to be middle eastern and Jack Thompson was known mostly as that guy who hated rap music and thought he was Batman, there was a gaming site known as Old Man Murray.

Old Man Murray is best remembered for verbally raping nearly every game and personality in the industry. Any idiot with a laptop and internet connection can do this, but few were able to do so with such hilarity. I often wished I was even one-tenth as funny as site writers Chet Faliszek and Erik Wolpaw. I also often wished for a robot unicorn that would bake pizzas for me, but that didn't happen either. Thanks for nothing Jesus.

Some of Old Man Murray's more notable accomplishments include:

- Popularizing the scientific theory (later confirmed as science FACT) that all women's vaginas are filled with centipedes.

- Failing to create a video game version of The Warriors, letting a little-known company named Rockstar pick up the ball.

- Revealing the truth behind who killed adventure games. (Protip: adventure games became an hero.)

- Proving the U.S. Secret Service is doing an excellent job protecting the President.

- Singing the praises of a humble game developer named John Romero and his beautiful, beautiful hair.

- Giving an up and coming comedy writer named Seanbaby web space, ensuring in later years that EGM would be able to fill two pages an issue with dick jokes.

- Establishing a new review system that judged a title solely on how long it takes before you see a crate in-game.

- Selling out to the Japanese at the first chance.

And much, much more.

Chet and Erik eventually stopped updating the site, and currently work for Valve Software removing as many crates as possible from the upcoming Half-Life 2 episodes (coming to gamers soon) and handling writing duties for Portal. Erik also co-wrote Psychonauts with Tim Schafer, which is an excellent game more of you should have played.

If you've got a free evening and a few drinks in you, take some time to go through their archives. You won't be disappointed, and if you are then don't talk to me anymore.