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Ratchet & Clank meant videogames.


Yesterday, I was watching cutscenes of the Ratchet and Clank games off of YouTube and I had completely forgotten how fucking funny this series was. Growing up, Ratchet and Clank was the greatest game series of all time and no one could tell me otherwise. If it wasn’t about a furry space animal and a little robot backpack turning hostile alien beings into chickens, I wasn’t fucking hearing it. (But, if it involved an Italian Plumber in a waterpack, or a Raccoon thief, or an elf thing with a furry thing in its shoulder, driving hover cars and shooting shit, I’d be privy to give it a once over.) Point is, Ratchet and Clank to me was videogames, and I kinda wish it still was.

No matter how many other games I play, how many shooters and realism the mainstream industry tries to shove down I throat, I can never forget when videogames looked like Ratchet and Clank. Colorful, vibrant, had a fucking sense of humor, ran at a decent frame rate, weren’t caught up in the multiplayer and giving the scraps to the single player, had protagonist that could be more than grimdark hollywood action ‘heroes’ that couldn’t open their mouths all the way when they spoke and said more than pretentious monologue about darkness and light (unless it was a Kingdom Hearts character;) those to me are what videogames are supposed to be, but nothing exist like that anymore. Yes, there are indie games, and the games of the previous generations that I haven’t played yet, but they can’t really beat the feeling of seeing and playing those type of games on my modern console with a controller in my hand. A full price Triple-A release that had the wit and charm of those games was once the standard, now it’s almost a freak accident -- Whoops! In the midst of the hyper masculine, realistic ultra violence, brown gray aesthetic and hollow experience that we’ll insist on charging full price along with a season pass, we’ve accidently made a cute, colorful, entertaining game that’s packed with content that actually improves on the mechanics of the last game and adds even more on top of it without bullshit DLC practices. Into the fucking trash with you! Maybe try Steam Greenlight and be with the other games for pussies.

The lack of games like Ratchet and Clank in the Triple-A space is my sign for the lack of diversity in games. The furry space animals are gone in favor of generic placeholders mistaken for player characters; the exotic and toylike blasters and zappers have been replaced with meticulously detailed firearms that all generically shoot bullets; and the multiple aliens worlds and levels are considered less ambitions than one massive sandbox that, true to its definition, is a large yet restricting square littered with random, forgettable crap buried under a brown sheet of dust and particles.

At least I’m finally getting that movie I’ve wanted since 200-fucking-2...

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About Dark Chaoone of us since 8:49 AM on 11.15.2014