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I somehow have the ability to give 34 faps.



My name is Zombie Orwell. You may know me from such legendary Cblogs as Help I Can't Find My Jar Of Pickles and I Somehow Have The Ability To Give 34 Faps. Well, I'm back again sort of like Eminem except I didn't nearly die from an overdose of prescription pills.

[Speaking of rap, Dr Dre just released Compton. Buy it.]

I've noticed that lots of people are complaining and discussing and fellating about the recent changes to the Cblogs. So I thought I would take this time to address you all in the fullness of time, that we might beat on, boats against the current, etc.

I made these changes to the Cblog System Thing after several centuries of contemplation and field testing. I always liked the Cblogs, but I never was able to devise a system that would give me 34 times the power of normal undeceased humans.

So I devised the new Cblog System Thing in order to respond to this travesty of justice.

Now that I have given myself the ability to fap 34 times per blog post, you had better believe I will abuse the living fuck out of this system until I decide to change it again.

In the meantime I will be fapping until my hands fall off.

Your leader,
Zombie Orwell

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About Zombie Orwellone of us since 3:07 PM on 03.30.2012

My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me ([email protected]) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!