A Certainly Badass Blog

Ah, yes... You've returned to me once more, have you? I knew you would come. I was waiting for you. A world of mystery and magic awaits you within my pages, unlike anything you've ever seen before, and I'm sure you're just itching to embrace it. You've seen the only a small fraction of the depths of its darkness, and now you've had a glimpse of the ways in which you'll be tasked with fighting off that despair.

So what are you waiting for, my dear reader?

Pick up this simple little journal and get started. It's not going to read itself you kno---

This town ain't big enough for two talking books, bub! And I say that it's about damn time your sorry digital only ass got itself back to whatever tablet it belongs on so this badass Best Seller can take the stage!

So strap in, pop the hell out of some corn, put on some sweet tunes, and get ready for the sensual tones of Crispin Freeman to sing you sweet, sweet lullabies, because it's time to talk some Makai Freakin' Kingdom.

At this point, some of you might be asking just what is Makai Kingdom? Or hell, maybe a couple of you are just bitching that this isn't about some dark and edgy hunting game no one except the people who made it and their moms give a crap about.

For those of you in the second group, cry me a river. My freakin' port was never localized! At least you got your stupid edgy magic game! I have a daughter I'll never meet in English in that! A daughter! You think I, Zetta the Most Badass Freakin' Overlord in the Entire Cosmos, could give two craps that you aren't getting your grimdark fix today?

But you chumps in the first group? Yeah... Yeah! I can work with you. In fact, I'm gonna turn every last one of you suckers reading this into my next wave of loyal battle monkeys! If we're gonna get me a sequel before 2020, I'm gonna need all the internet dwelling losers I can get my hands on to pull it off! You guys do stupid crap like making crazy petitions no one reads all the time, right? So why not give the greatest protagonist of all time a new game?

Hell yeah! Let's do it!

What, you think a guy that got tricked into getting turned into a book can't talk? Just for that, you're getting reincarnated into a tree! Now shut up and pull up the title card already!

Makai Kingdom is a game developed by those guys making this other upcoming game that was on the front page today, but unlike that game, this game is about the most badass, sexy, strongest, and awesome person in the entire universe, and every other universe and alternate universe on top of that.

He goes by Zetta.

Overlord Zetta.

Thanks to a bunch of crap that is completely and entirely not his fault in any way shape or form, that badass and awesome person also ends up being this guy.

And man, let me tell you, I thought I ended up looking like crap before, but after seeing the piece of junk you guys were talking to before? Bloody McGrim, I think his name was? Ha! And for good measure, HA!

Just look at that mess of flesh and eyeballs! What kind of jackass designed that thing? If you're gonna make a talking book, it needs to have a certain... something to it.

A certain... me to it.

Muuuuch better!

I tell ya, when the hell did all this dark and edgy garbage get so damn popular anyway? Even freakin' Disgaea's in on it! Yeah, the series that started off about a punk ass prince running in terror from a zombie with a horse dick on it is proudly showing off a new game about a jackass on a quest for revenge.

What is this crap, Hamlet?!

There's an easy fix for that too.

Okay okay, before I start throwing up ink and end up on a Nintendo console, let's talk about my game.

Makai Freakin' Kingdom.

TM

A game about a badass guy doing badass things. The object of the game is to return this amazing guy to his former amazing self. You'd think that'd be easy considering he's a book that grants wishes now, which is a pretty sweet deal, right?

Wrong! I don't have hands anymore, you moron! How the hell am I supposed to write down my own wishes, huh!? Didn't think that through, did you!?

If anyone of you know-it-all types mentions how this information comes up in the game, you don't get to be a battle monkey.

So you go through making Netherworlds for these jackass Overlords I know, gathering energy bit by bit and building up the power to make a world for me and get my body or... some crap like that.

Is there a romance subplot? Maybe. If there was, would it kick the ever loving hell out of those chaste ones about flustered teenagers that plague the Disgaea games? You bet your ass it doe--would! You bet your ass it would! If it existed! But badasses don't need that crap, you hear me!?

Since you're all sold on this, I know I don't need to explain how you play, but since you're all going to be getting yourselves killed in my great name, I figure I can be kind enough to do you all a favor.

Hah! Like I really need to though, right? It's by the Disgaea guys. They do less branching out and experimenting with their games than those Compact Heart bozos! Just expect grids, grids, and even more freakin' grids. What a time to be alive, am I right?

... not!

Ha! You think a badass like me fights on a grid? Please!

In my Netherworld, the last thing you're going to be asking for is a pansy-ass grid! Then again, when you're going to be running around on maps with complete freedom of movement...

... when you have the ability to jump in vehicles like giant robots and tanks...

... when you can jump right out of those and fight on the ground...

... then you might wanna run crying to your little grids before you get hurt.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that you'll even be summoning entire buildings to the battlefield?

Jump inside them to break the unit limit for a stage! Drop them on top of enemies for free kills! Toss enemies inside when they're outnumbered to get easy kills in! The possibilities are limitless when you can drop real estate from the sky like a god!

Wink wink, kids. Wink wink.

So I hope you're ready for this, because where we're going, there aren't excuses. You don't need to be trained in swordplay or have freakin' weapon mastery or whatever garbage that Laharl kid thinks he can spew.

I don't care what you can do or can't do, if you're in my freakin' Netherworld, you play by my freakin' rules.

See that? See that?!

If I can make corn stand up and fight for me using even more freaking corn as a weapon, you can bet your sorry ass that you can pick up a rock and fight that robot over there to the death with it!

There's just a little catch to all this amazing badassery here...

You're on your own, kid.

So, uh, given the whole book thing, my job is basically sit around and drop you losers, your vehicles, and your buildings out onto maps while you make sure I don't get killed, since every hit I take hurts you a lot.

See me down there? I can't really move. Do a good job and that won't be a bad thing. Do a bad job, and, well...

But hey! I'm sure you can handle it!

So what're waiting for? The moon to fall?

Get cracking!

___

Makai Kingdom is available on the PlayStation 2, as well as on the PlayStation Portable if you speak Japanese but only in that circumstance, as NIS America didn't localize the port. It is not available to download on PSN as a Classic title, but it isn't exactly a super rare or expensive game to obtain, so so long as you have a working device that can play PlayStation 2 games, you should be fine.

As virtually none of the awesome features highlighted in this amazing blog carried over to future NIS titles, save for the cancelled-not cancelled-cancelled again sequel that may never have even existed in the first place, it is highly recommended that anyone interested check this game out and show the world that there is still interest in a game like it.

Have a badass day!

LOOK WHO CAME:

OverlordZetta   

Occams   1

Retrofraction   1

ShadeOfLight   1

Gajknight   1

Luna Sy   1

serethyn   1