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10 Things + 10 Comparsions about Me + Sure Ask Me Anything :p


I read Mr Andy Dixon's blog and it inspired me to make a similar one. It's difficult for me to come up with 10 things about myself, because there's a lot to know about me. I'm going to compare myself to Andy's list of 10 things to start, then I'll try to come up with 10 new things.

10 Things About Me (Compared to Andy Dixon)

1) I usually get obsessed with 1 or 2 games, and I rarely finish games.

I've had my fair share of addictions. Bejeweled 3 (Unknown amount of time), Animal Crossing New Leaf (Around 600 hours), Skyrim (200+ hours on PC, 80+ hours on console), Final Fantasy XI (Over 300 days of playtime spanning 10+ years). Other games rarely hold my interest. I also rarely beat games. I beat the original Borderlands, and Saint's Row IV. I collect digital games for reasons I'll talk about in the 10 new things about me.

2) I'm okay at fighting games, but it's usually luck.

I know my way around Street Fighter 2+, and am fairly quick to learn other fighting games. I don't consider myself great, but I've beaten people that considered themselves better than average (as in tournament people). I don't rely on any sort of cheap tactics, if I'm throwing fireballs, I usually stop at 2-3, then rush in.

The thing about fighting games is that I just want to enjoy playing them. I don't like being competitive, so I play very casually. I feel like I would probably have skills if I wanted to, but what's the point if I'm not having fun? If I'm absolutely destroying someone, I'll pull back, but if I'm being pushed, I give it my best shot.

3) My gamer card shall remain intact :p

I spend a lot of time playing games, mostly on PC or iOS at the moment. I've been grabbing Wii U titles as well. Just picked up Warioware Touched to see how DS emulation works. Seems pretty good. I hope to be gaming until I'm dead.

4) I was a console gamer in the 90s due to not having a PC.

I played tons of NES, SNES, Genesis, Turbografx, Gameboy games, and so on. My father would sell used games in order to pick up other used games. My friend introduced me to backup units on the SNES, leading to a collection of 250+ snes games on floppy disks (I also had around 60 carts). The only experiences I had with 90s PC shooters was at a friends house. I used to love playing Doom, Descent I and II, and probably a few other games he had. 

5) I like Rollerblading, when I can do it.

I've never went Ice Skating, but I used to Rollerblade when I was a kid. Due to being old and in bad shape, I don't do it anymore, but I wish I still did. I think rollerblading has given me a good sense of balance.

6) I will never be a father.

I had a vasectomy back in 2009 (by choice :p). I would've had it sooner if I could have. All my life, I knew I was never going to want to have children. I can barely take care of myself. I would make a terrible father. I also don't want events to repeat (what happened to my father and how it affected me as a child). 

7) I welcome death whenever it is ready for me. 

I don't care how good I'm doing in life. If death comes knocking, I'm going to answer the door. This is different than the suicidal thoughts I dealt with before I went on a decent medication. I want to die, I can't wait. But at the same time, death is the absolute end, and I figure it'd be interesting to stick around to see what the world turns into. 

8) I'm not fond of heights.

I don't like to use the word scared. I might be scared of heights, but I'm also curious. When I'm high up, I look down because I like the rush I feel at the thought of falling. I do not get this experience in video games, except for one. Jumping Flash 2. It was the only game that ever made my stomach feel weird as I jumped to insane heights, and started falling. I've tried to experience it in newer games, but it doesn't seem to work anymore.

9) I don't know what a friend "is".

Seriously. When does a person become a friend? I almost never talk to anyone, and when I thought I had friends, I pushed them away because I didn't want them to be sad if I killed myself. Things are different, and while I still get depressed, I wish I had friends like I used to have. At least, what I remember them being like.

I want to chat with people, either text or voice. I like getting to know people. That's why I wrote this blog. I learned a lot about Andy, whom I consider to be a good friend. I compare myself to other people, mainly to see just how different life can be. But I don't know what makes a person a friend.

10) I'm Alphadeus, one of the local musician/composers. Ask me anything!


10 New Things About Alphadeus

1) I'm a digital hoarder.

This stems from when I used to collect video games (to play, not to collect) on physical consoles. When I have an interest in emulation, I want to download every rom that exists. These moments pass fairly quick, and I move on to another digital item I can hoard. My biggest collection is actually video game music soundtracks. I believe I have over 3,000 official soundtracks in MP3 format, although I stopped collecting after a certain point.

2) I don't know why I'm able to play the piano the way I do.

If you know me, you know I make Piano Journals. I just sit at the piano, and play whatever I feel like. I generally avoid playing songs I learned (whether original or a cover), so it's really just a mess of semi-random notes. I don't know how I can do it, but I can sit at a piano for a long period of time, and just play. On the other end of the spectrum, I have difficulty playing pieces that are "written", such as original tunes or vgm covers. Something weird happens in my brain, and I get moments of "forgetfulness" that cause me to screw up briefly.

3) I've only had 2 girlfriends, 1 of which I've been with for more than 15 years.

My first relationship was when I was 16-17. It did not last long. My second, however, has been ongoing since February of 2000. I love her very much, and she's a major factor as to why I haven't killed myself yet. I can't imagine life without her. She means the world to me.

4) I don't like social media, and during severe depressions, I will delete my accounts, or unfollow friends.

If you've ever been unfollowed by me, don't take it personally :p Social media is a pain in the ass. There is so much data being flung around, that it overwhelms me. I try to restore connections, but I imagine some people are sick of me with the on and off. If you want to follow me on twitter, the handle is @Alphadeism. I also have a music-only twitter called @Okinui. Facebook is pretty much dead to me, although I might look into joining groups.

5) I wake up at 5am even though I have nowhere to be.

I don't know when this started happening, but for some reason, I wake up at 5am or so every day. This is a pretty boring thing about me, but just running out of things to share :p 

6) My Short-term memory sucks. 

This is why it's difficult to learn to play music on the piano. I don't remember what I did a few seconds/minutes ago. I feel like my mind is a polaroid camera, taking a while to develop the memories.

7) I like numbers, and sequences, and such.

When I worked as a dispatcher for a furniture installation company, I memorized everyone's phone number. It wasn't a "first time seeing, first time remembering" kind of thing. It did take a few uses of the number to remember them, but I had at least 40 people memorized. I was so confident in my ability to remember phone numbers, that I didn't use the contact feature on my phone. When I did start using it, I more or less forgot the numbers since I stopped referencing them. I also like sequences, patterns, etc. I guess this is a byproduct of my autistic mind.

8) I am extremely disorganized.

This applies to everything. I have papers all over my room that I don't know if they are important or not. My music files look like crap, since I rarely label the instruments, or keep track of other important information. It used to be worse, but it's still hard to manage.

9) I don't consider myself a good friend, and I must be afraid of strangers.

But this goes back to the whole not knowing what a friend is thing. I rarely initiate conversation with people. I'm very shy. I also have difficulty playing multiplayer games, especially when strangers are involved. That is why my progress in FFXIV is so poor. I don't know why I'm afraid of strangers in the realm of video games. They can't do anything to me that could hurt me, to my knowledge. Which brings me to my last thing.

10) Words don't hurt me, unless they are describing a malicious action. Also, I'm a psychopath.

I've been in my fair share of flame wars growing up. The thing is, nothing anyone has ever said to me actually "stuck" to me and made me question if what I'm doing is right. I've been called all sorts of names, and it just makes me laugh. I've had bad things wished upon friends and family, and it still doesn't affect me. Words are words, unless they are being used to actually threaten me or someone I know. They don't hurt me, but they definitely raise my concern.

Because of my disconection with words, I also use them as severe weapons. Back in the day, if I wanted to get under someone's skin, I'd go through their internet post history, and find something to bring up to hit them where it hurts. Someone died recently? That used to be ammunition for me. I don't do it anymore, but it was something I kept in my pocket, in order to break someone down if they tried to break me down. Like bringing a nuclear warhead to a plastic knife fight.

I realize how that makes me sound, but I haven't been that way in over 5 years, maybe longer. Words are still powerless to me, but I've taken a more peaceful approach to situations.


So there's the terrible blog post about me. If you ever had any questions you wanted to ask me, now's a good chance. You can ask me anything.

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About Alphadeusone of us since 4:33 PM on 04.02.2012