After seeing Memories Pizza, an insignificant pizzeria in Walkerton, Indiana, receive nearly $1,000,000 in a GoFundMe campaign when the owners faced a backlash over anti-gay remarks, Muncie-based developer Hard Hat Games announced they too hate the gays and would now be accepting your cash and check donations.
Hard Hat Games, an independent developer with just seven employees, tried and failed to run a successful Kickstarter campaign last year for an Xbox One game called Riverboat. Now the team is looking for new funding and believes they have found a goldmine in the nation’s vast reserves of bigots.
“No matter how much we talked up our game last year, people just didn’t seem to care,” said Hard Hat Games founder Trent Billow. “I think somewhere around 75% of video game Kickstarters fail and we unfortunately were a part of that statistic. But my team really believes in this game and that’s why we’ve decided to say ‘fuck the gays.’ Now money please.”
Billow is hoping his team’s new anti-gay stance will raise at least $500,000 to put towards the game. That number could double if some idiot on Twitter threatens to burn down Hard Hat Games headquarters.
“Selling video games to gays goes against my religion as I’m sure that video games and doing business with gays are explicitly mentioned in the Bible somewhere,” Billow added. “But we want the people to know that we’re not going to go crazy with our beliefs. We won’t sell to gays with all their gross butt sex, but we will sell our game to adulterers, murderers, coveters, child molesters, rapists, thieves, sex traffickers, war criminals, abortion doctors, single mothers, pre-marital fornicators, those who pray to a false idol, people who work on Sunday, shellfish eaters, people who take the Lord's name in vain, liars, people who hate their parents, slavers, registered members of the Green Party and pornography viewers.”