Not Quite 100%

This is a NVGR blog, though I just though it would have been a good blog about people that cannot get into 100% completion due to frustration. (Sorry this is a rant, probably a sad excuse for a C-blog)

So I have been quite busy, or at least that is what my body is constantly telling me. I recently started up part time work and it has been great getting back into the groove of being part of the work force.

After my three year escapade of being jobless getting back to work has been quite the blessing. However, it has shown me that even though I thought I was done with sleep apnea that regardless of the entire year of being treated with a Constant Air Pressure machine that my body has been irreparably damaged, or at least has not quite recovered from the lack of energy that my genetics have left me in.

I do not know if it is just the fact I am not use to working or if that my recovery is much slower than expected but I have been flat out exhausted after working... to the point I do not want to play video games or watch TV; which is never a good sign. Or at least I do not think it is from the disillusion playing them rather the lack of energy to truly get into them.

Again I had hoped that the last 9 months of daily exercise with the year of treatment had somewhat lessened my condition but I am afraid that my body simply is not recovering as fast as I hoped. Ideally my neurologist told me that if I had lost weight down to the national average that there would be less pressure on my airways at night and during the day. But I have lost about 40 pounds and yet I still notice that my endurance is much less than my co-workers and friends.

Less to say I really would like to be commenting more and sending out more c-blogs on a regular basis, but it is getting really hard to find the energy/motivation to do so. Its not that I am leaving or anything but right now I feel very run down and it is hard to summon the energy to do what I use to do when I was jobless.

Though I think this has opened my mind to the fact that life is nothing but transition peirods. Anyone that does not think so must be in some form of denial.

Lets see... broke up with my GF during Valentine's weekend. We both agreed that we just were not ready to move on to more of a romantic relationship. Which as much as I can see this being a great thing for both of us, I cannot help but have that part of my brain going and saying that the relationship could have worked out and that I am a total idiot for doing what I did. Its not like that I had someone in plan to move onto but I just could tell that the distance and that I just simply lacked the means to continue on.

Literally sold my next to priceless NES collection just to pay for the airplane tickets so I could do it in person.

But I rather had been there cause I have had too many friends completely break off things not in person and she was and is such a wonderful person that I simply could not do that to her. We had been dating for three years and there was a point in time during those years I had considered selling everything I owned to marry her. But again the whole joblessness got in the way, maybe it will work out for the best. But right now I am getting hit right and left about the fact that I am single again.

So right now I am kind of in the dumps emotionally and I probably should not be writing this, but I have been living with the knowledge of my sleep apnea has probably permanently decreased my total life span by a quarter or more. (probably 1/3 to be more precise)

I might actually know what the effects of this machine feels like...

Though this is really just motivation to try harder, and hopefully accomplish more with the time I have left. I have a few really cool projects I am working on: That industrial art video that I still have yet to finish, some local business commercials, and a documentary that I should be announcing soon :D That is very video game related, and very Destructoid related.

So things are not all doom and gloom for me but it sure helped to write this all out. But then again I think that is what this community is for.

I have not forgotten about you!!!

Thanks for reading this :3


- Retro

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