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When I Grow Up, I Want to Be Just Like These Dtoiders


This year, Destructoid is turning nine years old. Can you believe that? I sure can't; it seems like only yesterday I was browsing Dtoid and talking about video games, Queen, and touching other people's butts. Oh wait, that was yesterday. Point is, this place has been around for awhile, and I hope it stays around even longer.

I've been here for about four to five years (the date is still a little iffy) when someone on 4chan linked a blog from here in the /v/ board. I won't go into too much detail about my earlier days since I've covered it before in earlier blog post, but just know that while I visit and lurk at plenty of gaming sites, Destructoid is the only one that I find myself coming to time after time. Sure, I haven't agreed with a lot of the decisions made over the years, but nobody's perfect. To celebrate these nine years, it was decided that we as a community talk about who are nine favorite people are, and not wanting to feel left out, yours truly decided to throw his hat in the ring and let you all know who here at Destructoid I'd like to touch in the bum.

Before we go any further, do know that this was a pretty tough one to come up with. As I said, I love each and everyone of you, so to narrow it down to nine people was really tough, like picking my favorite Queen song tough (Killer Queen....no wait Radio Gaga. No uh, Princes of the Universe?). However, know that just because some of you don't show up on this list, doesn't mean I don't love all of you in some way or another. You're all awesome and beautiful people and if I could I would include all of you on here, but alas I can't. Yes, I know other people have done that so far, but I try and do things by the book here, lest I want the chief to take my badge for being a loose cannon. With that out of the way, let's get dangerous

9. Papa Niero

I know some of you are reading this and are going to be al like "THAT'S CHEATING GOOF!" Well, maybe, but let me ask you a question: if Destructoid was never created, what community would you guys be a part of right now? And would you have as close of a bond with that community as you do with people on Dtoid? It's possible, but I kind of doubt it, especially considering the sense of humor we have here would probably get us banned from most websites. You can't build a house without a solid foundation, and Niero creating this site as an excuse to get into E3 is a perfect foundation to build the sexy funtime house we call Desructoid. And yeah, Dtoid may be bigger than a website at this point, with people coming and going over the years, but this place is still the one thread that brings us all together, and it's all thanks to Papa Niero. 

So thanks Niero for creating Destructoid. Without this site, none of us would be here, talking about video games and touching each other's sexy parts.

8. JawshButturBawls

Gardevoir. What started off as a funny, random comment from JawshButturBawls quickly evolved into a Destructoid meme that I doubt is going to lose steam anytime soon. It's gotten so huge, that when it comes to stories on the FP about Pokemon, it's not a question of IF we're going to be flooded with Gardevoir pics, but WHEN. Hell our own Kyle McGregor made a lovely poem telling us how great Gadrevoir was. And whether you believe the Psychic/Fairy type is life/love, or want the meme to die a horrible death, there's no denying that this is the kind of weird, crazy stuff that brought many of us to the website in the first place. 

And hey look on the bright side: at least it wasn't Jynx.


7. It's About To Get Gay In Here

Seriously, how could I not include It's About To Get Gay In Here on this list? Have you read some of his (her?) C-Blogs? They're pretty hiliarious and some of the funniest stuff I've read in awhile. Seriously if you haven't read any of Gay's blog posts, stop reading this and go check them out. Go on; I'll still be here when you get back. 

Oh hey you're back. They're pretty funny aren't they? And that's why It's About To Get Gay In Here is on this list. No ifs, ands or butts. Hehe butts.

6. Chris Carter

MORE LIKE 6.5 AMIRITE GUYS? In all seriousness, I enjoy the stuff that Chris writes. He writes in a way that is clear, precise, and entertaining to read. And even if you disagree with the scores in his reviews (as I have in the past), he's still a pretty cool guy. So yeah, even though me and you haven't interacted all that often, I'm a fan of what you do, Chris Carter. Keep doing what you're doing.

5. Dreamweaver

Dreamweaver is one of the few people who consistently thinks the stuff I blog about is interesting, but that isn't the reason he's on this list (though it is greatly apperciated). No what puts Dream on this list is the fact that he's a pretty cool guy (and doesn't afraid of anything). He's always on the front page with something interesting or funny to say, his c-blogs are entertaining, and he's all around weird; making him the perfect member of the Dtoid family. And he also started up Comments of the Week again, so bonus points there. 

So yeah Dream, you're an awesome guy, and one of the coolest people in the community. And that's saying a lot.

4. Mike Martin (formerly PhilKenSebben)

HA HA.....dangly parts. Mike Martin (formerly lovable scamp PhilKenSebben) was one of the first people I saw when lurking on the site. I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't a fan of his, what with talking about his dick and well talking about his dick. But once I got rid of the massive stick up my ass, I realized the Mike was rough around the edges but was a cool guy on the inside. Much like Dream, he's a super cool member of the community, one of the old people from before my time who puts his heart, his soul, and most importantly his dick, into making this place awesome. And I for one thank you for that.

3. Andy Dixon

The man, the myth himself. Like Mike, I didn't have a positive first impression of Randy, and I actually remember saying to myself "who the fuck is this asshole in the pink bath robe?" After being here for as long as I have, I now have an answer. Andy is a rad dude who makes no secret  of the fact that he loves this place and does everything in his power to make this place as awesome as it can be. And he's been doing a damn fine job so far. He's also there to lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it, and has helped me a couple times when I first started blogging seriously. So thanks Andy for being an awesome Community Manager and all around cool guy.


2. Occam's Electric Toothbrush

I make no secret of the fact that I was a massive asshole when I first started visiting Destructoid. And when I was acting like a dick in those early years, Occams was there to tell me in the nicest way to get my head out of my ass. Much like Andy and Mike, Occams loves this place and does what he can to make this place awesome. He's warm and gentle to all, and does an excellent job of helping new people find their groove and get comfortable here. I've seen Occams get upset at a few people over the years (though to be fair, those people deserved it), but for the most part, he's a jolly happy guy that you can't help but smile along with.

So thanks for being you Occams. You're a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.


1. The Dtoider who wrote about Earthbound's Giygas being a fetus

The single most important Dtoider, the one who's C-blog first introduced me to this awesome site, and I don't even know your name. I don't know who you are or what your real name is. I don't know if you're still a Dtoid regular or if you left us long ago. But I do know this much though: you're the reason I'm here in the first place. If it wasn't for you talking about the dark themes in one of the best games ever, I would never have come here and been introduced to such awesome people. Things haven't always been perfect, but the good has always outweighed the bad. This place has become more than a gaming blog to me; it's become a giant dsyfunctional family that I absolutely love. And I wouldn't experince it if it wasn't for you, random Dtoider. And words cannot express those feelings adequately enough. Thank you.

Man, I really shouldn't be chopping onions when I write this stuff.


As I said at the beginning of this, I love each and every one of you and to limit myself to only nine people was really hard. That being said, a special thanks to a bunch of other Dtoiders that I want to thank as well, including Brittany Vincent, RenaudB90, Jordan Devore, HyperLemonBusterCannon, Nekrosys, Wrenchfarm (a.k.a Nic Rowen), Steven Hansen, GajKnight (even though you have terrible taste in Persona girls), SeymourDuncan17, The Scholarly Gamer, Jonathan Holmes (who totally stole my first name), Pixilated, Cosmotropolis, ooktar, Luna Sy, JoyfulSanity, and all the rest on CBS. It's been an interesting nine years for Dtoid (four-to five years for me), and hope the next nine years are just as awesome. 

So happy birthday, Dtoid. I made you a cake. A BEEF CAKE:

Good night, and good luck.

- Dynamite with a laser beam!

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About GoofierBruteone of us since 9:03 PM on 08.22.2010

I'm just a dude in his early thirties who loves video games, movies, anime, and a bunch of other stuff. I don't write on a regular basis, so if you came here expecting that, you'll be disappointed. However, I do hope you enjoy the few things I do write here.

I'm a freelance programmer/web designer, so if you need someone to do a webpage or to make a game with, PM me.

My five favorite games of all time are:

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
2. Super Mario Galaxy
3.The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
4. Metroid Prime
5. Portal
Xbox LIVE:GoofierBrute
Steam ID:GoofierBrute


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