Malon is my waifu

10:03 AM on 01.29.2015 (server time)0

Malon is my Waifu.

Ocarina had a profound effect on me as a child. As a young boy I rarely spoke. My home life was rather turbulent and I was raised at the turn of the century. Blink182 was the fresh new thing, and public schools would place any child that so much as looked out the window, on Ritalin. Most of middle school I was just flat out bored (or stoned) in class, unchallanged by a no child left behind American education. I had a huge interest in sword play, and most nights of the week I was letting off steam at one of the dojos my mother had the wisdom to enroll me in. Getting my karate on, was one of the few places in my world where I wasn't being punished or yelled at. I excelled in my study of the blade, and before my fifteenth birthday was a black belt and taking fencing lessons religously.

Video games we're always a fun note as a kid too, and if I wasn't hacking at a tree in my free time, I was playing my handmedown super nintendo. I had been given a ps2 the christmas they came out, and had played around, on all sorts of games.

Blockbuster still existed and their summer of unlimited game rentals, had me going there Every Day. A friend of mine was desperate to play my ps2, so occasionally I would swap him for his n64. After remembering the fond playthrough of Link to the past, I purchased a copy of Ocarina of Time at the flea market, where I worked on the weekends, for five bucks. I remember seeing one of the rich kids at school playing Majora's mask, and seeing a few hours of it, but when he had his huge parties it always melted into alternating rounds of spin the bottle and Golden Eye. Here I was a generation of games behind, about to embark on one of my most favourite journey.

I was enraptured from the start. There was a level of immerssion in that game I coudn't really describe. Here was a small frame silent blonde kid, being told to save the world with a sword and his wits. It wasn't just a really good game, It was THE game for me. It had been crafted to teach me more than a few life lessons, and turned a casual hobby into an obsession.

But this isn't about me. It is about the women that entered stage left and changed my life. To protect their identities, We're going to use their Zelda counterparts.

First was Saria. She would come up from Florida every summer to spend it with her grandparents, who happened to live next door. Fuck the vacation, the swiming, the warm golden days, I was excited when school let out because I knew she would be here again. Saria was a few years older than me, and the summer she matured soldified me as a straight man. She was the first person I can actively remember talking to. We could spend the whole day hiking, or playing super nintendo. Her grandfather owned a blueberry farm, and thinking about all the free labor I did for him just to be near her, makes me feel scammed. He recently passed away and the bank put the farm up for auction, and for the first time in my life I cried over being poor. I could have picked blue berries on that farm for the rest of my life. When she graduated from highschool, the summer visits stopped, and the phone calls trickled away. I had all but forgotten her, too busy with my own life.

Throughout the high school years I was becoming a social butterfly. The silent childhood faded away into a charismatic young man. Our School was fed by four middle schools, as that the county found it more profitable for the football team to have more students to choose from. My mother was a wise old bat, and she made my first semester filled with theatre and chorus classes. I pitched a fit the first day untill I discovered I was one of five male students being thrown into a classrooms filled with young women that didnt know my awkward years. It gave me a chance to make myself into something new, and I grabbed on with both hands. Eventually I drew the eye of Ruto, a well endowed senior at the school. She had a horrific home life, and replaced the lack in her parents attention with sexual appetite beyond her age. I had to keep up my new persona to impress her, so I hid my swordplay and Hapkido lessons. She was a host of firsts for me, but
summer time came and I dumped her so that I could go pick blue berries with Saria. I don't really know or care what has happened to her, she was never really more than an uncomfortable cutscene to me.

Then came Zelda. I was beyond unpreparred for how destructive love can be. She was the first girl I ever said the four letter l-word too. We dated exclusively for years, and I even proposed after I graduated. She was genuinely my high school sweetheart. The issue was, she always wanted something. She always demanded change from me, or some grand gesture of affection. I would sweat and work for her happiness and it always felt one sided. She was the princess and I was the farm boy. I could feel me pull away, and the summer I found out she had been fooling around, I was devistated. Aparently her "just sexual acts" with another girl at college wasn't considered cheating. It was the tipping point in a relationship I felt trapped in. So I cut off all ties without so much as a word. I dropped out of college, said goodbye to my friends, and ventured away from home and family to understand myself, rather than the man I had been molded to be.

I found myself working for a landscaping company, Six states away from home, and being happier than ever. I spent all day trimming shrubs and planting trees. I was learning spanish from my co-workers, and in the best shape of my life. Sure I barely had enough cash to pay the rent and eat, but it didn't matter. It was MY apartment, and MY food. I was self sufficent for the first time in my life, and I had TONS of old games to play. Go to your local flea market and buy an
old gem people, you don't need that new game.

Then Malon appeared. She was my boss's neice and the first girl I had even looked at twice since Zelda. It wasn't about beauty, or about sex, she was just flat out sweet. She was nice to be around, and made me feel like A better person than I actually was. Money began to run out for me, the Winter season had starved my labor, and I felt the need to finish my degree. I offered for her to move back home with me, and like any sane person she refused. Imagine my surprise when A month later she was unpacking her bags in the tiny hunting cabin, I called home, on my grandmother's property. We lived cosily untill we could afford to get our own place. The years passed, untill one summer I got a call from Saria. It had been just shy of a decade since we last spoke, but all these old feelings swarmed over me. So we went to the old spot, and we caught up. She was recently divorced with a kid, and blatantly looking for another man to fix all her problems. I was heart broken that I coudn't be there to fix her problems.

That heart break however, is what convinced me I had made the right choice. I didn't have to fix Malon's problems. She didn't expect me to carry her through life, or to save the world. She wants nothing more than to watch bad sitcoms and play games with me. Not once have I ever had to change to satisfy her, and she gave me the grand gesture of moving. Malon keeps milk in the fridge, cookies in the jar, and dosen't laugh at me when I hit a tree with one of the many swords she's let me buy. Last March I proposed to her, and this June she'll hopefully follow through.

I think there is a reason Malon is the only girl to return in Majora's Mask. My soon to be wife, is Malon, because she's never needed to be more than a smiling face. I can guarantee we'll dance at the reception to Epona's song.