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The 3DS Diaries: One Man's Decent into Hell


It's been almost a whole week. And boy. What a week it has been. There I was, sitting at my desk on a Tuesday like any other, watching the Nintendo Direct like thousands of others. Then. Then they said it. They revealed the one item, the one thing that would have the largest impact on the course of my life. A Majora's Mask New 3DS. 

I was estatic, elated. See I'm not a die-hard Zelda fan but Majora's Mask has always stood out as one of my favorite games. I love the story, the gameplay, the darkness and melancholy that hangs like a permanent fog over the games proceedings. I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. 

Then they were gone. As was my joy. And soon, I would find, my innocence. I called every Gamestop, Best Buy, Target, hell I even tried that sad, dried husk they call Sears. No avail. So then I went on eBay to see what I could find. And those prices. Well I simply couldn't afford that with what I make. I'd have to do something extreme. 

I decided to take to dealing drugs at first. Nothing too extreme, just a little meth here and little cocaine there. It was looking good at first but then a tweaked out junkie held me at gunpoint and stole my stash and my cash. I couldn't believe it. My entire 12 hours of work gone before my eyes. What was I to do? 

There was always- No. No. My mom raised me better than that. I tried to go to bed that night but I had fever dreams of that gold paint job, the beautiful mask. I woke up in a cold sweat. A chill came over me. I knew what I had to do.

I put on my skimpiest clothing, stole some of my girlfriends makeup and went out on the street that night. The things I did. The things I swallowed, inserted. A piece of me died every time, only the light of that new system keeping me alive. I made $250 my first night. It wasn't a bad take, I was half way to where I needed to be.

I couldn't keep doing this though. There had to be something different. I went to talk to my pimp, Tyrese. Weirdly starring in the Fast and Furious movies didn't do enough to pay bills so this was his side hustle. I asked him if there was anything else he needed me to do. He simply gave me a gun and a picture and said see me when you're done. 

I wish I could say I handed him the gun back. I wish I could say I simply went home. I wish I could say I learned to be satisfied with a Monster Hunter system. But I can't. I returned to Tyrese. Blood on my clothes, tears on my face, vomit on my shoes and self-hatred brewing inside me. He gave me another $300. It was more than enough. 

I won my auction. I got my system. No, I earned my system. Paid for it with blood money and my soul. It was worth it though. Cause February 13th I get my New 3DS with Majora's Mask already installed. Wait, it doesn't come pre-installed? I sigh and grab my gun. It's gonna be another long week. 

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About Joe Juradoone of us since 1:13 PM on 12.12.2014

Hello! My name is Joe! I'm a writer, first and foremost in addition to being the host of GameTrip. But that's fine! I hope to present some interesting opinions and reviews on games themselves and the industry that creates them. Soooooo yeah! Hope you enjoy it.