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How To Seduce Like A Terrorist, part one.


Why hello I did not see you come in. I was too busy being both seductive and terrifying. You see, I am the terrorist who also is an amazing pick up artist. That is highly cool and unique. Anywho, let's get down to brass taxes.

Dis right here is the only book thou shalt ever need to both seduce the sexys and inspire massive terror in many many many peoples. You see, I will set up my impressive thesis later on, in the thesis section of this volume, but first I should introduce a few topics.

One topic is the sex. The sex is often, though not always, achieved by the penetrating fornication of One Penis into the soft and fleshy folds of One Vagina. Oftentimes it is acceptable to introduce more than One Penis or Vagina into the other. Also sometimes one might use the mouth in place of the penis or the vagina. Also applicable is the anile region.

Special Considerations

This is a brave new world for terrorism. In the past, many of our forebearfathers were angry at the homos for suckin all the dicks and not leaving any for the terrorists. Those days are, gladly, past and we may now all engage in the slobbing of knobs.

Terrorism has come to embrace all forms of sexual expression, be it:

male homosex,

female lesbian scissoring while I look on with lubrication in hand,

threeways where two lovely gals place their hands and mouths on mine own cocknballs,

anal pentrative play,

power fantasies,


rape play,

and even the occasional incest fantasy, although that is freaky as shit.

So you see, terrorism ain't what it used to be.

Also, now our goals are not uniform. In the past, all terrorists were united under one flag; the flag of Death To The Empire. But these days we have many diverse viewpoints and ideas about how to achieve our goals. Every terrorist is a snowflake who must be appreciated for his or her unique contribution to the world of terrorism. Big changes for us, big changes!

Redefining Terrorism

Whilst it is true that we contemporary terrorists owe a huge debt of gratitude to our forebears (who were not actually bears), we must define the words Terror and Terrorism and Terrorist for ourselves.

In the past, according to our most famous scholar, Osama Bin Laden, “all terror is focused on the crashing down of the Americal Empyre.”

Thank you, sir Laden, but your services will no longer be required. Today, terrorism is all things to all terrorists. There is only one unifying factor: one must make people fearful.

How can we achieve such a goal in an age of cellular mobile carphones and computormachines and pad devices which are like small computers? How does one inspire fear in those whom are simply having a mere blowjob session in the back of the theater whilst watching the latest movie where immortal elves and white wizards bash each other with swords and spears? How could anyone possibly be scared today when pornography is accessible at the click of a semen-covered button?

Tis true you filthy raggamuffin bumbaclot bitches. Terroring is harder today than ever before. Today's terrorist must have more tenacity and verve and vigor and ingenuity and semen than at any period in history. Luckily, you are such a person. You have the capacity for terrorism that a thousand Bins Laden lacked in times past. You have the ability to pull screaming vengeful terror from your back pocket and unleash it on an unsuspecting public.

So, people are staring at their phones? Develop an app that releases nerve gas and fills the theater with choking and screaming and dying people. Easy! Or develop and app called something like Happy App Time For Phones, but when people click on it they see a scary picture. People are scared of scary, that's why those two words are related.

Who can be a terrorist?

Good news: anyone! Bad news: anyone.

These days everybody has the chance to be a big scary terrorman, but that comes at a heavy price. There are so many ways to terrorize the masses that, well, you gotta try a little harder to stand out. You need to invent new ways to scare the fuckshitasscunt out of people.


Part one is over, so go play Pacman CEDX until the next one is ready.

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About Zombie Orwellone of us since 3:07 PM on 03.30.2012

My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me ([email protected]) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!