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It's Commercial Brake, Playa!

Commercials. We hate them. And yet we love them.


Well, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation...

But seriously, there's no much mystery to that. We love commercials because sometimes they're honestly trying to sell us ordinary products by using extraordinary means. And when they also attempt to be creative while doing it, you can't help but feel sympathetic.

"Then what is the purpose of the topic?", one could ask. Stop asking for purpose everywhere, you existential creep! Enjoy the ride with good-ol' fashioned fun! Just imagine like you're watching TV, and then bam!

Here goes this thing!


Or that other... stuff!

Here's your personal Dr. Pepper for appropriate scenery!

We'll begin our wonderful voyage into the depths of this mad, mad, mad, mad (and totally bonkers!) world of commercial tomfoolery by counting down "Top 10 (and beyond!) of the most wacky and affecting TV videogame ads to ever hit the small screen!"

Number 10. SEGA Being Jerks.

What's more healthy way to win the competition than sleazy crushing your opponent right there, on TV? By doing it in style, of course. Clockwork Orange style!

Number 9. That Moment COD Was Being Suddenly Cool.

Bombastic commercial done right. The weird part: it has elegantly captured the sheer joy of playing games for fun; just fooling around and blowing stuff up, you know. Plus, there's Jonah Hill and AC/DC. What's not to like?

Number 8. It's a Sony.

It's only does everything. Especially, scaring you shitless. On a serious note, you could find something mysteriously captivating in this PS2 commercial created by Bjork's collaborator, Chris Cunningham. Just don't look her in the eyes. Seriously, I warned you.

Number 7. Nintendo Being Nintendo.

You probably have already seen these ones, as they're widely popular. So here's a quick rundown. There are sights of Mario beating the living crap outta Yoshi; Link dancing to the sounds of funky 90's j-pop; and Kirby being fingered around. You know, the usual.

Number 6. Sweet, sweet memories.

Nintendo loves going nuts now and then. But sometimes, they show their soft side. And it's as soft as Robin Williams' bushy beard. His magical personality and his daughter's irresistable cuteness both works wonderfully in this ad. May his soul rest in peace for all those enchanting moments he endowed us with his presence.

Number 5. The Hero We Deserve.

Have you ever wondered how Sony came up with an idea for Kevin Butler, a man of infinite confidence (you can't deny his badassery). Then send your regards to the Main Man - Segata Sanshiro! Being Sega Saturn's mascot, he not only had enough charisma to handle the ad campaign, but also managed to become the legend in the meantime.

Number 4. Island of Broken Dreams.

Yep. As a huge fan of LOST, I had improbable hopes for Dead Island after I've seen this trailer. It was emotional. It was masterfully crafted. With music as the definite highlight, it had me anticipating this game so blindly, I didn't even noticed how hard it punched me in the guts after it came out. It still hurts (thank God they went with more believable tone in another great trailer, though).

Number 3. Nintendo vs. Sega. Round Two!

Personally, I am torn amidst these two. It's like choosing between unapologetically loony and equally delicious perverted cakes. Shame Sega hid their marketing division deep down their arse after Dreamcast's failure.

Number 2. An Angel with Gun in Her Hand.

Perfect synthesis of form and sound. Twisted black humor. Lovely (and somewhat melodramatic) song. It's an original way to sell any game, right? And, of course, it didn't help to increase the sales. But as I look at that guy's delighted grin, I understand one important thing - a true love can blew anyone away.

Number 1. I have lived...

Just watch it. Then you'll see I had absolutely fair reasons to put it way up here. It's gracefully balancing the line between being too ambitious for its own good and just plain flatulent. And it feels natural. A sincere "Ode to Joy" for gamers. For any person, for that matter, as it helps us to identify ourselves and understand that "no matter who we are, we are closer to each other than you could possibly think". The true joy of gaming.

Thank you all for reading thus far. Be well and love games.

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About Uncle Terrorone of us since 11:53 PM on 08.16.2014

Some fellas might remember me from times long passed. Passages like "hand me some freaky stuff" or "good Grindhouse gives me stiffy" may spring into your mind, but sometimes even I have troubles recollecting all them alphabet scoundrels in the correct order.

You see, boys 'n girls, the thing is... the internet doesn't stay in one place all day long. It's constantly moving around like some transcendental hobo with a terrifying tendency to shoot cute kittens doing cute business. And while old habits die hard, the internet is changing just like Bruce Willis and them other living fellas.

Now, I'm finally getting to the point I'm so desperately trying to drive home in time for supper. I may not be Uncle and I may not be Terror, but the person behind the name is still 99,5% good ol' Uncle Terror. Where the other half percent, you may or may not ask? I heard it went out for cigarettes and never came back, but it doesn't matter now, does it? What matters is in the now, with you and me, right here.

Life is Beautiful, ain't it?