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Epic and iconic!

My game is epic. My game's protagonist? Iconic. I can say these things about it because I'm in the pre-pre-pre-production phase and already see my amazing game's world taking shape. I'm calling my game Iconic Faye's Epic Toronto Adventure and it is available for pre-order right now!

It will blow your mind, challenge you, make you think, fill you with feels and this is why I'm also planning pre-order bonus DLC and a dozen different collector's editions. The bonuses and CEs will vary by retailer and you may need a chart to find which on you want - but one universal bonus will be the poker machine game you can play to win prizes!

You haven't even heard of Iconic Faye's Epic Toronto Adventure until now, much less seen a screenshot or played it, but know because it has all these things and more it will be epic. Because I said so. You just don't know you want it but if you're unsure the game will have a five minute CG trailer at Sony's E3 2015 conference. It will be made available on PS4, Xbox One and maybe on PC with some minor tweaks to ensure its almost just as good. We'll actually hide the best means of optimizing our game's PC graphics and game stability so finding it is like a game within a game!

We are not planning on a Wii U version, however. We only release games for epic platforms with iconic games and I can't seem to recall Nintendo having a single one of those.

As for the game itself? I have 500 hundred people hard at work on Iconic Faye's Epic Toronto Adventure at Pixie Productions. We have a 100 million dollar budget and less than two years to get it done. My staff, which is mostly women and a few guys here and there, are already going over the concepts and storyboards. The writers will come in within a few months and with any luck all of my decisions regarding the game and the potential time constraints totally won't get in the way of their creativity.

That aside, I plan to create a fantasy open-world adventure set in modern day Toronto, Canada. Our protagonist and heroine, Faye, will be a Canadian-born American with dual citizenship. She's in Toronto to visit her sister and niece but finds the land of her birth is under the control of the evil dragon-rider terrorists.

Being American at heart, Faye is inherently more qualified to solve problems for Canada than native Canadians so she will shoot guns, do parkour, wingsuit, grapplehook and dragon-ride her way through Toronto to gain the aid of Toronto's four great fairies and end terrorism. These fairies will grant her wings so she can fly and also teach her the language of dragons, grant her x-ray vision and the ability to slow down time. With all these skills Faye will surely save Canada and the world.

And this world is gorgeous!

You will be stunned by the realistic, rippling water of Lake Ontario! Each blade of grass in nature will be individually rendered and can grow back in real time after being cut! You will marvel at the persistent day and night cycles which sometimes bring about different enemies, creatures and situations!�

Do you see the city of Hamilton and the mountains beyond from Toronto? You can go those mountains, tame a grizzly bear, weaponize it and ride your machine gun bear back to Toronto if you wish!

We will also be harnessing the power of the cloud to make it rain or snow in your virtual Toronto when its really raining or snowing in the real Toronto! Will wonders never cease!? Just wait until you see some skyscrapers tip over!

Be the Faye you want to be! Shoot guns! Dual wield axes! Breathe fire! Stealth kill terrorism! Just realize you can only be Faye and that her gender and sexuality cannot be changed. And that all relationships in the game are either gay or purely non-sexual - I don't think that's strange at all! Faye can be different races, though, so there's that.

With the budget and time we have there's not a lot of money left for playable males and we really need some of our budget for that pre-order poker machine DLC. Maybe if we sell enough copies we can have a playable guy do some challenge map DLC so men don't feel left out. Or we could save him for a handheld spinoff on PS Vita.

For now, though, you'll only see a few guys here and there. Most of the NPCs and important characters are women who come in all shapes and sizes. We'll probably only have one reskinnable, lean, muscular male model. You'll see them around in their chainmail boxers replacing lightbulbs, fixing cars, drinking beer, watching sports or being an emotionally shattered hostage. You know, man stuff.

We at Pixie Productions realize not all men are like that but most of the men we know do these things. My secretary, Mike, happens to be a man and he agrees with me! Hearing someone agree with me from within our ranks reassures me that my vision and opinions are correct.

As for what makes Faye iconic - I think its her long, raven black hair, her purple and teal jacket and matching black sports bra, yoga pants and sneakers. I'm thinking I'll cast Laura Bailey or Jennifer Hale for the role. They are particularly good at voicing strong, sexy and confident women. We'll just get Mike to voice the few guys you'll see. Savings!�

Faye's outfit is so iconic it will actually be included in the $259.99 Iconic Faye's Iconic Cosplay Collector's Edition! The outfits will come in custom women's sizes with a wig and fairy wings thrown in. At least, this is provided you pre-order Iconic Faye's Epic Toronto Adventure now, sight unseen by August 2014 since there will be limited quantities of this CE shipped in 2016.

In closing, I want you to know we at Pixie Productions are always listening and your feedback is appreciated. You actually have no choice, as our games include always-on DRM so we can monitor your choices and record player statistics to help us design future games! We are always watching you.�

Always. Watching. You.�

But hey, you're also getting 18-player online co-op so it evens out, right? That's a lot of Fayes!

I can tell from the sound of wallets hitting screens that you are excited. I really hope you'll pre-order today and look forward to more exciting news and additions as we are able to announce them. If we get enough pre-orders on the game and the season passes we'll be able to get right on the Iconic Faye Saves Jamaica add-on DLC!

Such epicness!

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About Whispering Willowone of us since 2:32 PM on 12.21.2012

Member of the Destructoid community team, moderator, hunter (or is that hoonter?), part-time Roegadyn and fae regent.

My favorite weapons are the claymore, the Mk. 22 tranquilizer pistol and the banhammer.

For other things and stuff about me you can read here, here and here. You will learn of my origins, my trials and tribulations and how I became a Level 80 superpixie!

Some of my favorite games:

Super Metroid
Metroid Prime
Metroid Zero Mission
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Digital Devil Saga
Devil Summoner 2
Devil Survivor
Persona 3 Portable
Persona 4 Golden
Final Fantasy VI
Final Fantasy VIII
Final Fantasy X/X-2
Final Fantasy XI
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia
Shenmue II
Jet Set Radio
Jet Set Radio Future
Shadow of the Colossus
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker
Deus Ex
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Fallout: New Vegas
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Freedom Wars
Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate
Dissidia Duodecim
Soulcalibur II
Shovel Knight
The Binding of Isaac
Dead Cells
Ghost of Tsushima

...and more!