And I don't even know what the fuck my face was doing at this moment.
So here I am, last minute, pushing out a cblog for the 8th anniversary badge
. �I actually had this idea months ago, but I procrastinate. �I always enjoy when 10 Things blogs make a comeback, so on top of getting back into the cblogs for a bit, I thought maybe I could kickstart a new round of these.
I made this list on a kind of rough day, which is why it seems a bit darker and real than my normal personality. �Of course, if it were just normal stuff, you might already know them about me and what would be the point of that?
Jesus, I�m a shitty writer these days. �Totally out of practice.
Anyway, here we go�
1. NARPs and meetups are the only times these days when I really feel happy.
Don�t get me wrong, I�m not depressed or anything. �Most things in my life simply make me content. �I laugh at things and smile a lot and hang out with friends, but nothing ever fills me with as much joy as being around other people with the same interests and hobbies. �PAXes and NARPs are far and away the things that make me happiest these days, hands down. �If I could go to every NARP and convention every year I definitely would. �As a matter of fact, I hate NOT being at events so much that when I am unable to attend one, I ignore all news from it because it wrecks me that I am not there and Toneman has a two-player beer partner that isn�t me, or JJ is drinking scotch on the roof at 6 am with someone else, or someone else is being an asshole to Beccy and goddammit though I hope everyone is having so much fun. �I guess I shouldn�t say those are the only times I�m happy. �There�s actually a pretty great woman in my life right now that shows some promise, and I�m learning to deal with being an adult. But holy cow, those moments with Dtoiders are when I really, truly feel like I�m home.
2. �I�ve tried and failed at more things than most people have even attempted.
Cop? �Fucked that up. �Rockstar? �Spent a decade chasing that dream. �Games journalist? LOLOLOLOLOL �Literally any kind of college education? �I aced a philosophy class once. Remember Organ Donors
and One Shots
? �Let�s not even get into my relationship history. �Christ on a crutch, that alone could go on for days. �There�s probably a hundred first 20 pages of scripts/books/screenplays out there somewhere that I started and then stopped after 3 days. �This is kind of related to my next point�
3. I say I�m going to do a lot of things. �I actually do very few.
Sometimes it�s an anxiety thing. I get perturbed by the hassle of entry and talk myself out of things before I even start them. �That�s pretty much the worst. �Anxiety is a fucking dick. �Twice in my life I�ve snuck away from parties to go ball my eyes out to a dog because I don�t even fucking know why. �Other times I�m just lazy and would rather play videogames or hey I need to learn to play a new song RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. �Sometimes I forget, but it�s mostly anxiety or being lazy.
4. I�m actually incredibly judgmental.
Are you wearing Ed Hardy, Tap-out, or Affliction brand products? Is the bill of your hat straight, and does it maybe have the sticker still on it? �Yes? �Fucking kill yourself, you fucking douchebag. �I really dislike this part about myself, but it�s so damn hard to change. �I just get so agitated when I see certain shit. �Tons of bling or whatever, and an inability to speak clear English, ICP/Twizted fans, those shitty purple reflective sunglasses� those are just some things that set me right the fuck off. �I know we�re not supposed to judge a book by it�s cover, but when was the last time a book labeled Sailor Jerry and soaked in Bud Light was anything worthwhile?
5. I always think I�m right.
Always. �Because I am. �Most of the time a logical path to the correct �conclusion is not hard to figure out, and everyone else is an emotional fucking idiot.
6. I�m pretty supportive of feminist causes.
But mostly because I think gender stereotypes are annoying as fuck. �There was a girl I had class with once who wanted to be an architectural engineer� until the professor called her out on some shitty work (on an English paper, it was a 100 level class) and she said it wasn�t a big deal, she was just going to find a rich guy anyways.
You stupid bitch.
On the flip side, I don�t like sports. �Never have, but spent about 25 years pretending so I could fit in. �In all honesty I think at this point they are fucking detrimental to society, but that�s a whole nother topic that you�d be wrong about and I�m not going to get into it right now. �So anyway, I don�t like sports. �I grew up in a tiny ass midwest town. �Friday nights meant football, so I pretended (with a bottle of grocery store Southern Comfort). �I hated it. �Even now as an adult, when people ask if I saw the game and I tell them I don�t watch sports, it gets awkward. �We could talk about AN ALMOST ENDLESS AMOUNT OF OTHER TOPICS, but nah, this guy doesn�t like sports. �I bet he plays with Barbies too.
I�d love to see a world where no topics, styles, professions, etc. had a gender assigned to them. �If nothing else, the world would be way less fucking annoying.
Side Note: Man, I swear a lot.
7. I wanted this job to go to parties. �Now I wish I was in a position to do more. �
So did you know I�m actually the U.S. Community Manager here? �When I originally wanted the job Hamza was going to parties all the time, doing all that industry exclusive shit, reviewing games, and generally living the dream. �That�s what I wanted to do, man. �I can put an incredible amount of booze and other substances into my body, and I love to party. �Even thrown a few good ones myself
. �I ran the midwest group for a few years and helped out Hamza whenever I could make it to conventions, then Andy Dixon must have sucked someone�s dick because he got the job when I should have. �After I damn near said fuck everything and table flipped the internet out of existence, I got on staff as Community Coordinator or some such made up title nonsense. �I basically stuck around and did what I could when I could, and when Andy got moved up he said I could have the old title. �Yay me. �I wish I could do more for the site though. �I still want to throw parties and host events, but I live in Toledo, Ohio and it is literally one of the 10 worst cities in the country. �Plus, my actual job pays shit (but hey I have insurance now!) so I just can�t afford to travel so many times a year. �Tell you what though, if I lived in San Francisco with the rest of the cool kids (even though Portland is in fact a way cooler city), �the amount of work crews they�d have to hire to rebuild the city after I burnt that motherfucker down every weekend would solve the unemployment crisis. �So yeah, I still want to party. �But I want to do it with all the Dtoiders, everywhere. �One huge lesson I learned was that I will never again go to an event party that the Destructoid members can�t get into. �I did that one time and that was enough. �You guys are what make me happy, and you�re who I want to be partying with. Because more than anything else I want you to be having fun, and if I�m really, really lucky, I might get to be a part of the reason.
8. �I�m principled to the point of fault.
There�s certain rules I abide by, and bend them for nothing. �A lot of it comes from having shit service jobs for most of my life. �I will not go into a restaurant within 20 minutes of their closing. �I will not wait in lines, because A) I hate lines and B) I�ve been on the other side and I know what it�s like when you have a line to the door and ONE MORE PERSON just had to walk in. �I have driven an extra 10 minutes to go to another Chipotle because the line at the first one was too long. �I can�t think of any other examples right now, but fuck you I�m tired.
9. �I think fake nerds absolutely do exist.
The only real problem with that meme is that we had to make it fake gamer GIRL. �I�ve always thought this comic
sums it up well. �I mean seriously, are you going to sit there and tell me everyone that ever dressed as Mario for Halloween is actually into it? �I don�t know man, I�m not the gatekeeper for �true nerdom� or whatever, but it pisses me off. I can�t stand being at the bar and seeing someone that slapped on a Star Wars tshirt because they heard my dive bar is pretty cool. �Don�t even get me started on the bar here that does an annual Nerd Bash. �Suspenders and thick rimmed glasses. �Yeah, that�s how we dress guys. �You didn�t know?
10. �I�m pretty into physical fitness.
This might be pretty surprising, because of all the booze and poor life choices. �For some time now though, I�ve been working out 5 days a week and following a pretty clean diet. �I also eat few carbs, but that�s mainly because my diabetes is more manageable without them. Originally I just wanted to bang more attractive women, but now I�m kind of hooked. �The moment I noticed those abs starting to pop out I was sold. �I look fucking great naked, and work hard for it.
So I guess that�s it for now. �Maybe next time I�ll share the real reason I sold my first PS3, or the time I woke up with a girl in my bed and a pillowcase covered in blood. �Right now though, I hope this shitty, rushed, badge grab of a cblog entertained you, and with any luck will inspire more people do share 10 things. �If not, then fuck you. �I need to get to sleep so I can open my shitty job in the morning, and I still haven�t had today�s workout.
- You know what ol' Jon Bloodspray always says at a time like this?
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