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LONG BLOG

Soda Drinker Pro is the Pinnacle of Human Achievement

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What of the bonus sodas, though? Yes, you can pick up more sodas as you move through the game, and yes, they donít seem to do anything, but does that really matter? Is there nothing in this world that is just good in its own sake? If you are gifted with love, do you ask what that love is doing for you in return? Do you ask if friendship can grant you a power up? Does the mantle of fatherhood need to give you some health back for it to enrich your life? Bonus sodas may not seem to do anything in the game, but it is in receiving these free sodas that our lives are improved. Is it not a joy to come into possession of a free soda? Dare you hold onto that soda, to hold onto that fleeting feeling of glee at your incredible fortune? There is much to be said about savoring this moment, and Soda Drinker Pro lets you feel it many times as you grab each seemingly-useless Bonus Soda.

What about the ones that are out of reach, though? That seems a bit unfair. A cruel taunt for those who strive for soda but arenít allowed to have it due to problems like not having enough money or having been buried alive in the desert. Brierly hasnít done this to make fun of the hard place youíre at in your life, but rather to show you how fleeting a soda is. Not everything you desire is within your reach, and sometimes what you desire will take you away from the good things you already have in your life. Those sodas are there to remind you that you must always cherish the soda in your hands, that you must not forget it in your daily aspirations for more and better sodas. Itís life, distilled down to a carbonated image, that Shakespeare couldnít touch in all of his works.

All wondrous things must someday end, though, and after its initial few levels Soda Drinker Pro comes to an abrupt close. Again, the soda is a reminder of life itself, telling us that all good things will end at some point. These times wonít be of our choosing, but that we should be thankful of the soda we had while it lasted. I cried for six hours after the game ended, weeping so loud that I was evicted from my apartment building. Such was the power of this work, though, and one I believe everyone should experience. If you have ever questioned the existence of a higher power, heard the breeze blowing across the grass on a warm Autumn day, or felt a twinge of heartbreak at the sucking sound your soda made as you neared the ice at the bottom, this game will change your life.

There is nothing like this FPS (First Person Soda).† Nothing that has aspired to simulate drinking a soda over a couple of rooms drawn up in MS Paint where you canít really do anything. Brierly has dared, though, and has offered this experience to you for free. Enjoy it, like life itself, while it lasts.

Soda Drinker Prowill change your life for the better via a free download from the developerís site.
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About JoelCoutureone of us since 11:26 PM on 05.27.2013



Contributing Editor for mashthosebuttons.com, destitute but determined fantasy novelist & short story writer at joelcouture.com. I wish I was paid for either of those jobs.

I love horror games. If you scare me, I will give you money. I also love terrible games, as it's a lot harder to make a game that's so bad it's hilarious than it is to make something that is just bad.

For some reason I'm not super clear on, I am obsessed with J. Jonah Jameson.