Hey there Destructoid, it's been a while since I've written anything because I've been sick (and busy with "important" work), but I thought I'd try something different today. Here is different:
Let me tell you the tale of a man most ordinary,
The contents of which, is decidedly varied,
He may have a dark past, a family divided,
We just announced the game though, so we haven�t decided.
We�ll start with his name; our man is called �Blank�,
(The publisher wanted it, we thought it was wank),
White, American, dashing and handsome,
I know what you�re thinking; �just like Ted Danson�.
His story is one of tragedy and woe,
But none of that mushy stuff, that had to go,
Who said emotion isn�t about explosions and guns,
Or the lingering close-ups on Blank�s camouflaged buns?
Most of the story will be exposition,
A dark past revealed (it�s just a tradition!)
But still you�ll be in for heroics and glory,
Although the game is just a shitty origin story.
It wouldn�t be a story without a female character too,
(Although it�s not as though the box art will be big enough for two)
She might even be playable, if that�s the way you play,
Just so long as she doesn�t kiss Blank; that would just be gay.
Silly me, I forgot to give our pair of breasts a name!
It�s as if you really wanted her in our macho, manly game,
�Cherry LeBoobs� will be her name, for simplicity�s sake,
(Her in game role is to pout her lips, and give her arse a shake).
Between you and me though, I�m starting to get scared,
In playtests with women, poorly, our game fared,
These women wanted a more �well rounded girl�,
So we made her breasts rounder, and re-named her Pearl.
Still the game�s biggest draw is definitely Blank,
Especially when he wisecracks a bit, before blowing up a tank,
His story might seem barebones; perhaps a wee bit vague,
We were really bad with dialogue (we avoid it like the plague).
With audience appeal this broad, we�re bound to sell well.
(Lest our publisher eats our genitals, down in gaming hell) The Blank Slate: Origins
, Game of the Year!
With an intensive DLC plan, never you fear.
A game for guys, a game for bros!
We haven�t seen enough of those!
This game�s so full of in your face machismo,
The girls will probably hate it but we think you�ll be pleased though.
LOOK WHO CAME: