Videogames and Romance or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the waifu

Love. Ah Love. You know what love is, right? That feeling you get on your tummy every time you look at that Zooey Deschanel look alike in library. How marvelous and wonderful would it be to actually go and talk to her. And then she'd look at your sorry candy nerd ass, laugh and walk away, with her phone in hand, tweeting about the pathetic situation ("OMG u guys. smelly nerd hit on me. FML")
(This was just an hypothetical example)



The fact of the matter is: How is love represented on video games today? It can't be realistically, because all the players would commit mass seppuku, while masturbating to hentai and eating sweet delicious strawberry pie.

See, a game like Mass Effect is a wish fulfilment fantasy game. Players can be a heroic badass, saving the universe, going on dangerous adventures and banging all the hot crewmates. Romance and sex are just sidequests. All you have to do is say the right things, go on a mission, and at the end your reward is sex. It doesn't matter how inept and ugly you Sheppard is, at the end, you can bang all the crewmates. Men and women.
If real life was like that, I'd never have dropped out of community college, since all the women look like guys and some cute guys looked like women. I'd get the best of both worlds.
Unfortunatelly, real life is not so convenient, and the only good looking girl usually dates the hot guys and hangs out alone in library, the only place where I could talk to her.



Another genre that has delt with sex, romance and bitter love is the visual novel genre. Who hasn't relieved himself while looking at some cute half-girl half-komodo dragon monster? But the sad fact is, you can't just be nice to a girl, tell her you like her very very much and invite her to your bedroom for some rice balls. In real life, she just gets freaked out and leaves the library in a hurry. "Oh no I don't like rice balls" said the lying vixen.



I'm getting sidetracked. Let's look at Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. It tells the tale of a desperate trying man to bring his lover back to life. He'd do anything for her. What happens when you say that to a real girl? She calls you a creep and threatens to get a restraining order against you. And then you get banned from the goddamn library. Fucking hell.

Okay next game: Persona 4, what it teaches you: Be nice and supportive for a girl during a short period of time and she will love you forever and take her pants off.
Real life: That fucking manipulative bitch asked her friends to beat me up and dump me on a ditch near the female dormitory where every single woman could see me on my Sailor Moon boxers..

Anyway, love is sucks, I'm glad videogames are not realistic about it, and the only things I need now are: A hug pillow, a fleshlight and Sexy Beach 3.

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LukasRocks   

PhilKenSebben   1

arkane9   1

The Gameslinger   1