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LONG BLOG

I hate it when my Schwartz (and my Metal) gets Twisted

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The story, on the other hand, definitely feels as unnecessary as some have said. Sweet Tooth's tale alone feels like Every Rob Zombie Slasher Movie: The Fanfiction: The Game, and I just couldn't get into it. This is made somewhat hilarious thanks to the presence of both White Zombie and Mr. Zombie's solo project on the soundtrack. The idea of much (or any) over-arching story in a game about driving over glowy missiles so you can blow up your friends seems fairly unnecessary. I would've been happy with, "This dude's a crazy clown, he kills people," as my motivation for the matches I was presented. I only watched Grimm's intro clip, but judging by the monkey's-paw-esque resolution to Sweet Tooth's tale, I'd bet dollars to donuts he ends up getting sent back and being the distraction that screws up his father's jump in the first place.

Gameplay feels far too long, to me; none of the weapons really feel appropriately meaty, and every match felt like too much attrition. Given fire and explosives, it's a little disappointing to find oneself only slowly whittling away at one's opponents' health meters. All the maps I played felt a little too expansive as well, aside from the races; playing cat and mouse when you're down to your last opponent or two, regardless of how much fun stuff there is to drive through, gets tedious quickly. Upping the damage rate and shrinking the stages, either en masse or with something in-game that sections off areas as you have fewer and fewer enemies remaining, would've cut down match time to something much more manageable.

That being said, Twisted Metal looks fine enough, albeit not being particularly eyecatching or mindblowing, and the soundtrack, while dated, felt appropriate for the goings-on, as well as a throwback to game's PS1 roots. I don't feel like it was a waste of time, but I'm in no hurry to pick up a new copy for myself. If I were to get Twisted Metal as a gift at some point, I wouldn't say no, and I imagine online action is much higher on the Fun Times scale, but again, no rush. It's not as bad a current-gen update as, say, Duke Nukem Forever or Turok ended up, but it could've been cleaned up a bit.
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About nekobunone of us since 5:17 PM on 06.29.2007

Hi, I'm Chris, though I've been going by nekobun and variants thereof for so long, I kind of answer to both anymore.

While I've kind of got my own thing going in the realm of indie coverage, at least in the form of playing through (and streaming) (and writing about) the huge backlog I'm developing of games gleaned from various indie bundles, I try to keep my more mainstream, game-related features here, as well as opinion pieces on the industry at large, out of mad love for the 'toid. When I'm not rambling here or trying to be clever in comments threads, you can catch me rambling on Facebook and my Twitter, and trying to be clever in the Dtoid.tv chat.

Now Playing:
360: Halo 4
PC: F.E.A.R.
SNES: Secret Of Mana

Promoted:
I suck at games: PEW PEW LASERS
Improving game communities: Collective consciousness
Nothing is sacred: These walls have torn my world apart
The wrong thing: Only cream and bastards catch them all.
Love/Hate: I love to hate -you-
Love/Hate: B(u)y the book
The Future: Is still what it used to be
My Expertise: Playing the race kart
Something about sex: Sex sells, but who's buying?
E3 Approaches: It's oh so quiet
Freedom: Together, we'll break the chains of HUDs
East vs West: We've got the empire
Handhelds: Graduating as 2000's Catchemaledictorian
Relaxation: Cheesy double Chief burrito
Online Passes: A spoonful of sugar
Peripherals: Many tentacles pimpin' on the keys
This is what MAGfest is all about
Beginnings: Put it on the pizza
Disappointment: Bad(vent) timing

Recap Topsauce:
It's Thinking: Could you quit playing with that radio, love?
Do the wrong thing: And do it right, for once.
Afraid to shoot strangers.
Not if you were the last junkie on Pandora
Is Jim Sterling servicing the video games industry?
Something About Sex: Unsafe at any speed.
Doing DLC right
Congress passes sweeping Elfcare reform bill
Bottom five healthcare systems in videogames.
Pushing my love over the quarter line.
When my life would depend on an eight point none.
Remember the heroes.
Every Journey begins with a single step.
It's all over now, bomber blue.
Being Social: We'll always have Rainbow Road
Labor Day: Of course you realize, this means wark.
Please, aim it higher.
There Would've Been Brawl: Show me 'round your eggplantcage.
Integration: A place for everything
Zelda Week: I guess this is growing up.
MAGfest: the (don't be an) idiot's guide
Promotions: The bees are alright
Now is the winter of on-disc content
This was supposed to be a dozen items about nekobun.
Without Slenderness, there's something missing.
Cheap tricks (and treats) don't come cheaper than free.
The legacy of the (unlikely) wizard.
Cheap Tricks II: Sugar rush boogaloo
Thank you, for bringing me here, for showing me Home.
Burnt flowers fallen: the tragic bitchotry of Lilly Caul
Red and blue, resolving into purple.
Xbox LIVE:nekobun
PSN ID:strictmachine
Steam ID:nekobun
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