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Motion Control: Wii Punch Children


I have to admire any peripheral that inadvertently causes child abuse. That's not to say I'm a staunch advocate of waving a makeshift Nintendo wand around, or thrusting the PS3' glowing, blue dildo in opposite directions to knock a virtual Danny Trejo spark out. But when you can justifiably punch your step mother in the left tit during a game of Wii Sports, a device is bid a due.

It seemed inevitable we'd reach this point. The epiphany probably hit Nintendo creatives as they pondered how they could compete in the current market, and why they wanted to. Sure they could try, desperately, to compete on performance, producing a system that was just as fast as an XBOX 360 or a PS3. But why bother? Why attack a market that is already satisfied? Three's a crowd, after all. Nintendo decided instead to go for people who didn't even want to game: your mum, your infant brother, your gran, shit, you could get your dog Rex involved, granted you can fit the controller in his mouth. These were people who didn't want to play games, what they wanted was to play Wii.

Nintendo's Wii has led to the creation of modern gaming's favourite label, the casual gamer, the irony being that anyone considered such a thing, by a newly-defined ruleset, isn't a gamer at all. They are Wii players. They are clean, wholesome, fun people who take their vitamins and drink plenty of milk. They have lots of clean, wholesome friends with whom they occasionally play Wii sports between volunteering at animal shelters.

On the other side of town, far away from the glorious sunshine, and smiling babies farting rainbows, there dwells the core gamer. We're overweight, socially maladjusted, and probably play Call of Duty to realize our vivid dreams of shooting everyone at our school/college/workplace. We're disgusting, oozing energy drinks from every pore and orifice. We will kick your dog Rex, and burn your animal shelter. Milk is for pussies.

Seperation politics have created a clean, clear divide between those casual and those core. While the former take precedence over the latter for the time being, it wont last. Microsoft can't give their Kinect away, and I don't know a single owner of Sony's glowing, blue love instrument (seriously, it looks like it belongs in a hooker's bedroom in Mass Effect). We're the ones sustaining this industry, and as casual gamers fill more and more of their days with milk drinking and sending cute gifts to their parents, they will commit less money and effort to playing video games, until they become the afterthought.

I've never owned a Wii. I'm someone who sits down after work and just relaxes, and the idea of having to stand and ferociously throw my hands around to within an inch of my TV screen is opposite to my desires. I don't deny that there are plenty of core gamers out there with Wii consoles, I'm merely highlighting a vast majority outside of that sect. Be proud of the fact that you're the industry equivalent to a dirty word, because when the shit hits the fan it wont be Johnny Wholesomeface and his dog Rex that'll be turned to for help.
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About Lou Chouone of us since 8:49 AM on 12.19.2007

My first name is Lou, but my second name isn't Chou. That's a bit I stole from an amazing movie called "All About Lily Chou Chou" to round off my gaming handle.

Like seemingly 90% of the internet, I aspire to write about video games professionally. The culture, community, and to some extent the industry surrounding gaming are something I'd like to live from day to day.

I've been playing video games since I was about 3. My older brother traded 2 packs of cigarettes for his friend's Commodore 64. His friend was ludicrously rich, so it was a pretty amazing deal. I used to play a lot of Paperboy and Batman on that thing. The latter would give me a fucking headache though, they only used, like, 2 colors when they developed that thing.

The best game I've ever played is Final Fantasy VII. I'm sorry I can't pick something obscure and cool, but it had a profound effect on me. I mean, to the point where I was having FFVII-based dreams every other night. I fucking loved that game, and I wouldn't dare play it again now. It needs to stay in that period of time for me.

I have a personal gaming blog, which may well live here:

Xbox LIVE:Lou Chou
PSN ID:Lou-Chou
Steam ID:fantasticplasticmonkey


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