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Occam Thoughts: Assistant Manager at Wendy's

Oh my. Summer moves forward with a creeping warmth like the sound of leather moving across skin as your uncle unbuckles his belt. Have I mentioned how much I hate the Summer? It�s so hot. Speaking of hot, our beloved fluffer et all Marshal Mathers Ran So Far Away Dixon is now officially badass. We all knew it, but now our little Boner Meister has a title.

I think I�ll discuss some games now. Won�t you take this journey with me?

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions

As most of you know, I hate Spider-Man. Let�s ignore the fact that he so obviously killed Jean Benet. Let�s look past the years of sexually abusing homeless babies. His greatest sin in my yellowed smokey marble eyes is that he is a poon. I read somewhere that the medical officer who did the autopsy on Osama Bin Laden found a Spider-Man tattoo on his hip.

Now that I have brought truth to power, I have to say, the Spider-Man game wasn�t complete shit. My favorite world was Ultimate Spider-Man because it was more combat focused and I like the symbiote suit. My least favorite was Spider-Man Noir because stealth bores me and Spider-Man bores me. So every time I had to play a noir level it felt like I had just unplugged grandpa�s feeding tube and now was flipping through a two year old issue of Redbook waiting for the end so I could go get some chicken tenders.

Well Occam, if you hate Spider-Man why did you play the game?

Good question. I guess it was a combination of morbid curiosity and boredom. I�m glad I tried it just as a reminder that Spider-Man is still awful even after all these years.

L.A. Noire

I had high hopes going into this game and when I finally finished it, I was glad to have played it and kinda disappointed. The facial animations were certainly amazing and I think that this technology is the beginning of something wonderful for video games. However, it still looks like the faces are quasi floating on the heads but I think that will improve with time. The attention to detail was amazing and I spent more time driving around looking in window shops than actually playing the game.

What discouraged me was the thing I was originally most excited for. The interrogations were amazing in concept but I found to be really limited and restrictive. I mean, ok, I guessed wrong with a doubt selection but that�s it, that conversation path is closed. Why couldn�t I continue questioning them and try to work my way back to the correct answer? Why did Cole yell at everyone if you chose doubt? Stuff like that just pulled me away from really getting into the interrogations. Oh and the homicide desk cases, which should have been amazing, were so fucking boring to me. But yeah, I�m glad to have experienced it and I hope in the future we see more games like it, just, you know, better.

Dragon�s Crown

This was one of the few things I genuinely got excited for during E3 this year. Vanillaware (who really should release an art book in the states) is making a beat �em up? Well it looks like I have a reason to turn my PS3 on again besides blu ray. It�s really nice to see beat �em ups making a bit of a come back. In terms of genres that have fallen by the way side, I think it�s my favorite. Lord knows I spent enough time in the arcades playing them. Now if they will just release Captain Commando and the Simpsons as downloadable games.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Well I am finally playing Symphony of the Night after years of watching my friends play and hearing how good it is. The thing no one told me is how fucking tough the game is. I die. A lot. But slowly and surely I am getting better. Was never much of a Castlevania fan growing up so the mechanics and play style is kinda new to me. All that being said, it�s a blast to play and the creature design is fantastic. I swear as I get older and play these games and wonder more and more why there isn�t some kind of art book for them. Heh, I just thought that question in my fake grandfather voice. Oh brain, you so krazy. Oh, the music is superb but that�s a given. Castlevania music tends to be damn fine regardless of the game though.

Random Thoughts

They should take the budget for Darksiders 2 and give it to someone so they can make Eternal Darkness 2. It�s a win/win situation for everyone except maybe the members of Seether.

I want the video game equivalent of The Road by Cormac Mccarthy. Something bleak and quiet and rough. The environment of Fallout 3 meets the quiet beauty and despair of Demon�s Souls. As much fun as I had in Fallout 3 I felt like as soon I started to lose myself in the quiet solitude of a post apocalyptic wasteland, I�d meet some crazy character and then it felt like I was playing a video game again. None of this was bad per say, I just would like a game that�s more me wandering a corpse world trying to survive than encountering a colorful cast of characters like in Fallout 3.

Anyone remember Rom the Space Knight? It was a decent comic that was actually based on a toy Parker Brothers licensed in the early 80�s. The toy was a commercial failure but the comic became somewhat popular and went on for a few more years. I guess the best way to describe Rom would be sci fi Conan the Barbarian. Well I was thinking how neat it would be if Grant Morrison wrote a new Rom series. I�m imagining a combination of his Doom Patrol work meets his Marvel Boy run. Could be fun. And if not Grant Morrison then Warren Ellis as apparently he is some kind of science fiction wizard.

I finished reading the last Starman Omnibus earlier this week. It was recommending to me by a friend who described the main character as a �guy who collects antiques and art and shit and happens to be a superhero even though he�d rather just run his antique shop�. I was intrigued to say the least. After reading it, I can say with all my mottled carapace heart that its one of the best comic books I have ever read. Characters that come to life, great stories, well-written dialogue and enough antique/collectible references to keep a thrift hound like me smiling for days. Also, it had The Shade.

He�s a morally ambiguous Victorian era immortal with crazy shadow powers. Think Oscar Wilde meets a Takashi Miike protagonist. Easily in my top 5 comic book characters of all time and my favorite character from the Starman series. There�s a fair chance your local library carries these omnibuses if you are so inclined to check. They are well worth your time if you are into comic books or just like great stories and neat art.

Well, think that�s it for now. I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts. Have a pleasant day. Oh, and because I love you all:

- Sent from my Lisa Frank Dungeon

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About Occamsone of us since 7:53 PM on 02.11.2009

I am a Community Moderator for Destructoid. I am also the resident Resplendent Black Grandmother. My mind is broken glass and my heart is swollen and corpulent, like a cheeto left in a puddle of Diet Coke.

Well that certainly sounded dramatic.

LOL Andy was here LOL
PSN ID:Mother_Meat


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