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You're Doing It Wrong: Listening To Music

If you decided to read this blog, chances are the title applies to you. If you knew you were doing it right, you wouldn't waste time trying to learn how to do it properly, unless you're a moron, in which case, please read.

I'll try to make this as simple as possible, because I don't really know how ears work, so i can't get into the technical mumbo jumbo. However, there is a process to listening to music, and you've all got it wrong.

A Stereo
a pen or pencil
iTunes(or some other music downloading system)
Some form of MP3 player.

If you don't the required materials, I suggest you go stock up, don't worry, this blog will be here when you get back.

Ok, so you're going to want to begin with the radio. First off, format it in such a way that you get at least 5 different genres(make sure you've got some rock and roll on there, otherwise you'll be shunned by people with taste). Now listen to it for a week or so, hear some good songs hear and there, take a few mental notes, remember the songs you like. Write all the artists of said songs down, and come back here when your list is full.

Now, you still know what songs you wanted right? Right?! Ok, go through the list of songs, and mark off your top 3. Then, go find mommy's purse and take $50 from there. Bring that cash to the local music store, and buy the three albums the songs are on.

Now, I'm going to use the Weezer album, Pinkerton as an example(because those who have the aforementioned taste will have obtained this album). What you're going to want to do is load the CDs into your Stereo, and have a listen, you know, just to feel out the songs. After listening to the entire album, take a short break, you don't want to wear these songs out, maybe go replenish your fluids, or empty your bladder. Here's where the process get's tricky, make a list of all the songs on the album. Then, when you listen to it a second time, take note of the songs you enjoy. Before you listen though, make sure your stereo is at the correct level, not so loud that you can't hear anything around you, but loud enough to hear the bass line of a song. Because if you can't hear the bass, you're missing out on a lot. Have you ever heard the bass line in, "The Lemon Song" it's totally raunchy, John Paul Jones is an otherworldly demon.

1. Tired Of Sex
2. Getchoo
3. No Other One
4. Why Bother?
5. Across The Sea
6. The Good Life
7. El Scorcho
8. Pink Triangle
9. Falling For You
10. Butterfly

I want you now to cross out the songs you didn't love.

1. Tired Of Sex
2. Getchoo
6. The Good Life
7. El Scorcho
9. Falling For You

What you're leftover with are the songs that will be entering your database. To field the question, "Why did you get rid of great songs?" I'm making an example, normally when listening to Pinkerton, you keep every song on there.

Hold on big boy, you aren't done yet. You have to make a separate playlist, for those songs you really enjoy. So, on those days when you're feeling really special, you can listen to your elite class of music. You know, the day the pregnancy test came back negative, or when your welfare checks come in, or when you're about to sneak into the theatres to see the latest edition of Fast and Furious, or when you get invited into the neighbours house for popsicles. However, don't make the mistake not including these songs on your regular playlist, they must be on both.

Final Product:
1. Tired Of Sex
2. Getchoo
6. The Good Life
7. El Scorcho
9. Falling For You

You're now ready to indulge in the great invention known as music.

//this was a joke, even though I'm totally right!
//did yall enjoy it?
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About ZephyrGamgeeone of us since 4:28 PM on 04.22.2011

I was born at a very young age. I am much older now.

You can find me on twitter: @zephyrgamgee

Currently playing: The Sims 3, Mother 3, The Binding of Isaac

Currently anticipating: Paper Mario: Sticker Star

Currently reading: Nothing

Currently Listening to: Tipping Point - The Roots