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Contestoid: In Which I Am lame because my coworkers are lame

The Apology!

Hi guys. It's currently 12:30 EST. I just got home. Suffice to say, obviously I've let people down. However, it was not without reason! I'm currently serving in a management capacity at my place of employment, and when something goes catastrophically wrong (like, say, a water pipe bursting in the warehouse), I'm on the list of people to call. Both the people above me did not answer their phones, probably occupied with important things like sleep, beer, women, or a combination of the three previous items.

Unfortunately for me, I was on hand to get the call at six. Now, working where I work, I know that the combination of electronics and water is a bad thing. So I hustled to the warehouse and shut down the power to everything, grabbing a powerful flashlight and a ladder. As I did, I tried the rest of the emergency call list, realizing that I'd need a lot of help.

Normally I'd have backup. But of course, being a Friday and a payday, none of my freaking backup were answering their phones. In theory, I had a list of twelve people aside from myself whom I could call. In theory, after I answered the security company's call, being third on the list, I should have had a potential emergency workforce of nine people to draw from.

Every on-call is paid a small fee each paycheque to be an emergency on-call. For management, this is non-negotiable, but for the eight regular guys, they get their extra $30/week (plus overtime for any hours they have to cover) so that they answer their god-damned phones when they're needed.

Not. Freaking. One. Answered.

In theory, even with travel time for them to get there, with even three or four other guys I could have gotten everything done in a couple of hours. Many hands make light work and all that. I could have been home for 9:00 or so. Maybe half an hour late, at most.

Instead I spent the first two hours of my night off hunting through a mostly-dark warehouse for a water shutoff valve. The warehouse is 100,000 square feet. I had one flashlight, no backup, and out of date floor plans. Even after finding the god-damned thing and turning off the torrent of evil cold hellwater, I had to begin the preliminary cleanup and handle stuff so that the Saturday shift can work. I couldn't just leave the warehouse flooded.

I wound up filling the shop-vac about eight times with water from low areas of the warehouse floor and used a broom to push the rest of the water out bay doors, and only had the use of the warehouse lights when I finally confirmed that nothing was going to short-circuit if I did turn on the lights.

I've scheduled a mandatory meeting on Monday morning, and I'm going to be offering the emergency contact job to eight other individuals. The system is supposed to work on redundancy, and while I can bitch to my boss about being the only manager on-site for the accident, I can't exactly do much about the first, second, and fourth numbers on the list. But I can damn well make sure that this bullshit doesn't repeat itself.

TL:DR My coworkers suck. First task rescheduled for next Friday, when I'm damned well not picking up my phone.

Contest Information!

Now, for this one, I've decided we'll do something a little bit different. Like always, I'm going to come up with a random, painful, or otherwise aggravating task for you, the contestant, to participate in! Or, in this case, five tasks! To win Gears 3 Epic Edition and action figures!

But what's that?

I already pre-ordered Gears of War 3, this contest sucks!

In that case, you're in luck! Should you possess an inferior, regular edition of Gears 3 or a slightly cooler, but not prohibitively awesome edition of Gears 3, I will pay you the cash value of the copy you ordered (if you don't have anyone to give it to because you're nice), because yes, I am that awesome!

Yes, even if you've pre-ordered Gears of War 3, you're going to make out like a damned champion!

The Prize

For the prize, I'm going to begin by pre-ordering the contest winner a copy of the $150, holycrapexpensive! edition of Gears 3. If the contest winner has already ordered a copy, I will reimburse them for the full cost of it, plus shipping to me, the moment their inferior, not awesome copy is in my hands.

I'm not done. I mentioned action figures, right?

Beyond this already-awesome offer, I will be ordering the winner of the contest any five Gears of War action figures available on sale between $10 and $20.

This is a total prize worth, potentially, $200 to $250 before I buy the contest winner's copy of Gears of War 3 from them.

The Contest

Now, I'm not sure exactly what "tasks" I'm going to have each person partake in beyond the first, but I do know two things:

1) Each "task" is going to have the following point values:

-First Place: 6 Points
-Second Place: 4 Points
-Third Place: 3 Points
-Fourth Place or worse: 1 Point

If you don't participate in a task, you get 1/2 Point, so participation, however elementary, could mean the difference between winning and losing!

2) There will be a total of five tasks. The theoretical "best" for this competition is 30 points, but I honestly expect the winners to be ranging in the 10-20 range.

The First Task

The first task is simple. On Friday May 13th, I will be hosting a FridayNightFight for the Gears 3 beta from roughly 9:00pm EST to 12:00pm EST. My gamertag is Zen Rain. For the sum total of the night, I will be recording the scores of everyone who participates.

Kills count for +1. Deaths count for -1. However Downing an opponent counts for +1, and Reviving a teammate counts for +2. So I'll be looking for teamwork out there, boys and girls. I'll be taking the score of your BEST game for scoring purposes, and I'll also be bringing in the folks who've played the least rounds while booting those who've played the most.

Contact your friends, your family, or go preorder Gears 3 if you really want in.

This contest starts in earnest in five days.

Get up to 3 Free Points and do something awesome for a fellow Destructoider!

Any contest entrant who gives another contest entrant a Gears 3 beta pass before the end of the beta gets a free 2 points in the contest. And anyone who's earned those two points by being awesome to their fellow man will automatically win any tie-breakers in this contest, unless their opponent is also a gaming incarnation of Mother Teresa.

Likewise, anyone who gifts a fellow Destructoid member 30 days of Xbox Live Gold within the next week or so will also get 1 free point in the contest.

Combined, that's a third-place entry equivalency in any one of the five tasks, on top of your actual placement! So be awesome to your fellow man, guys!
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About meteorscrapone of us since 11:18 AM on 08.18.2010

My name is meteorscrap.

Occasionally I'll post random thoughts and musings here which are too long, too detailed, or otherwise don't fit in the comments section. Given the length of some of the stuff I've left as a comment, you can well imagine what I consider long.

Do you like words? 'cause I got a lot for you.

Promoted Articles
I've written a couple really good pieces which no longer show up on this blog. Check them out below.

02/11 MM Groundhog Day: Final Fantasy Tactics
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Destructoid owes me a six-pack! Woo!