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Someone pissed in my Cheerios this morning.

This post serves no bigger purpose than to rant. And not just with one thing in particular. It is just recent culmination of things that have, well, pissed me off.

The first of which is my shiny, new DSi XL that I bought Saturday night. I was super excited. I had been spending weeks pricing and considering whether or not it was worth it. I got to Target an hour before close, forked over my money, and ran out like a giddy schoolgirl so I could finally play DS games without straining trying to see the tiny screens. I get it out of the box, and the bastard didn't turn on. I'm thinking that maybe the battery is dead. I put it on the charger. It charges. I turned it on, and I started playing. The damn hinge for the top screen is wobbly. Did I buy a refurb? I was royally pissed. But, if that had been the only problem, I could lived. It wasn't. No more than 10 minutes into me playing, it cuts off. Still on the charger, I cut it on, played for about 20 minutes, and it cut off again. Turns out, if I wiggle the wobbly-ass hinge ever so slightly, it decide it wants to shut off. What's more, it is picky enough to do so with the finest of motions, including breathing too hard.

Who the hell does this piece of plastic and solder think it is? It wants to act like I owe it the respect of allowing it to be wobbly, and if I wobble it even just a tad, it is going to shut off. No. No, no, no, no, no. I go to Nintendo's message boards (after registering my Club Nintendo points and my warranty) only to read stories about other people with these problems. What's more, ever so often, there is a cheeky story about how wonderful and fast Nintendo's repair service is. That's just flowers and apple juice. I'm glad all these other people are satisfied with a $180 system that is broken out of the box simply because the people who took their money fixed their problem three weeks sooner than Microsoft. If I knew that this was apparently an issue, I would have taken my money, bought a PSP, and stuck with my wonderfully functional DS lite.

Why would you ship a product that is broken? I guess if Microsoft could do it, anyone could. But, after shipping the XL with known power and wiring problems, they have the gall to ask me to buy a 3DS? No. Hell to the no. That is one of the dumbest things I have heard of. Tell you what, how about I set up a damn lemonade stand, you pay $100 for my cup of lemonade that gives you diarrhea and shingles, then I will pay your hospital bill. A week afterward, I will offer you strawberry lemonade and ask for you to give me $125 for it because it is strawberry. I would DARE you to fall for that bullcrap again. What's worse is the XL is their FOURTH DS. They should know by this point how to build them, yet somewhere along the way I guess they hired a new guy in the assembly line.

The next focus of my rant focuses with Nintendo again. Why would you release a new console a year after an iteration on your current console? I understand you are cuckoo for money-puffs, but at least wait until Christmas. You don't even have a competent launch lineup! Steel Diver? No, thanks. That game looks like the worst from the GBA. So much for that “new and improved graphical capability”. Super Street Fighter IV 3D? That sounds lovely. Super Monkey Ball 3D? How people people really bought the first one that apparently made someone in Japan think that we gave a damn about a 3D version. Rayman 3D is just an insult to the whole series, including the Rabbids. Thanks for advertising your waste-of-money Wii Sports Resort by attaching “Resort” to Pilotwings. We all know that game is just a way to get those cheesy Nintendophile families with the white furniture and white walls who didn't hear about Wii Sports Resort to recognize it and buy it. Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs 3D is just a sneaky way for you to smack us in the damn face with trash.

The only reason you do this to us, Nintendo, is because you have money toilets in your corporate office and your pants are too big. Someone needs to remind you of your failed Virtual Boy or your flop Gamecube. The only thing more twisted is Activision dragging EA into their lawsuit. The company is known for exploiting games and running them into all oblivion until they turn into a black hole, forcing Activision to cut more than just the studio producing the overdriven game, putting people out of work all because one game went into the ground so Kotick panics and closes studio doors like mad. They want to get ballsy and sue EA for exploiting some of their underpaid and cheated developers? That's ridiculous and asinine on their part.

Maybe Nintendo should be the one in court. It would take those bastards down a few pegs.
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About fatality1980one of us since 1:41 AM on 03.19.2011

I am from Mississippi, and I have been an avid gamer for years. I love the Mass Effect and Dragon Age games, Twisted Metal 1-4, Dragon Quest VIII, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario World, Professor Layton games, Zelda: Wind Waker, Ocarina of Time, and Phantom Hourglass, Uncharted 1 and 2, DJ Hero 1 and 2, Viva Pinata, and the Tekken games. I like anything else that doesn't suck. I don't trade games, and I am a big collector of retro games and consoles.
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