Waggle makes me a Cranky Kong

I'll never forget watching the preview for "Donkey Kong Country" on the VHS tape that came in the mail to "Nintendo Power" subscribers back in the day. The visuals were truly astonishing, it was like glimsing the future of gaming but it was going to be on the Super Nintendo. When the game finally came out, it did not dissapoint. Sure the platforming wasn't as deep as "Super Mario World" but it played great, had awesome co-op and did I mention how spectacular the visuals were? Over the years I've revisited the game numerous times and still find it enjoyable, especially DK Country 2.

When Nintendo first announced "Donkey Kong Country Returns" at E3 I was instantly transported back to when I watched that preview on VHS. It looked amazing, with updated visuals that kept the same look of the original and similar platforming. For my money, this was the game to give "Super Mario Galaxy 2" a run for best Wii game of the year.

After playing through one and a half worlds, I have to admit that I am absolutely heartbroken by this game and the blame lays solely on the choice to map the roll function to waggle. When I first played I found the waggle annoying but figured I could just play with my classic controller. Bafflingly, this option is not included. For a platformer this precise, why not give us a button for moves that require such quick reflexes? I powered through the first world and a few levels of world two but after the hundredth time I ran into a crab because the game hadn't registered my waggle movement yet I shut off the game in frustration and will never pick it up again.

I just don't understand why Retro Studios didn't give us the option to use the classic controller! They'd have to see that the target audience likes playing side scrollers the way we did on the Super Nintendo. For Mario Kart they gave us the option of motion controls or not. Same with Smash Bros. And Goldeneye. I am so upset with this because I was really loving the game but the frustration proved too much to handle. Now I'm going back to finish "Kirby's Epic Yarn." Sure it's easy, sure the visuals are naseautingly cute, but damn if it doesn't control like a dream, exactly how I expected it would.