Memoirs of a Mini–boss

I hate my job. Hard work, long hours, low wages and bad company. But this is the life I chose.... the life of a Mini–boss.

The other day a friend asked me “So what exactly do you guys do?” it was then I noticed how hard it is to put it into words. I pondered his question for a moment and decided on an answer “Well, basically we just wait around for a protagonist, then they beat us up and we have the rest of the day off.” As the words left my mouth I realised how stupid it all sounded. “Tell me about some famous Mini–bosses.” He asked. “.....There isn’t any.” I replied....... I went home early that night.

I lay in bed, starring at the ceiling trying to remember how I got into this business. Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a boss. Not a final boss, no, too much responsibility, but more like a right hand man or the fan favourite kind of boss. As a teen my bedroom wall was littered with posters of the Turks and Psycho Mantis. “Now they had class” I thought to myself. “But me, what do I do..... I’m just a Mini–boss.”.......... I didn’t get much sleep that night.


We took this at the Christmas party. Ocelot would talk the ear off you if you let him.

I had pushed it to the back of my mind but that was the day I started to comprehend how pointless my job is. We’re a dying breed, a relic of the retro age. Half the time the only thing that distinguishes me from my own grunts is that I’m a little bigger, or sometimes a different colour. I thought I had the makings of a boss but the damn executives limit me to like 5 moves and a health bar that’s only slightly larger than normal. I’m an obstacle at best and a nuisance at worst. There’s no place for us in the industry anymore.

But what else can I do? I’m to unique to be a NPC, I don’t have the connections to be a support team character and I don’t have the patience to be a Summon. I hate my job, but this is the life I chose.... the life of a Mini–boss.

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