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Memoirs of a Mini–boss

I hate my job. Hard work, long hours, low wages and bad company. But this is the life I chose.... the life of a Mini–boss.

The other day a friend asked me “So what exactly do you guys do?” it was then I noticed how hard it is to put it into words. I pondered his question for a moment and decided on an answer “Well, basically we just wait around for a protagonist, then they beat us up and we have the rest of the day off.” As the words left my mouth I realised how stupid it all sounded. “Tell me about some famous Mini–bosses.” He asked. “.....There isn’t any.” I replied....... I went home early that night.

I lay in bed, starring at the ceiling trying to remember how I got into this business. Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a boss. Not a final boss, no, too much responsibility, but more like a right hand man or the fan favourite kind of boss. As a teen my bedroom wall was littered with posters of the Turks and Psycho Mantis. “Now they had class” I thought to myself. “But me, what do I do..... I’m just a Mini–boss.”.......... I didn’t get much sleep that night.

We took this at the Christmas party. Ocelot would talk the ear off you if you let him.

I had pushed it to the back of my mind but that was the day I started to comprehend how pointless my job is. We’re a dying breed, a relic of the retro age. Half the time the only thing that distinguishes me from my own grunts is that I’m a little bigger, or sometimes a different colour. I thought I had the makings of a boss but the damn executives limit me to like 5 moves and a health bar that’s only slightly larger than normal. I’m an obstacle at best and a nuisance at worst. There’s no place for us in the industry anymore.

But what else can I do? I’m to unique to be a NPC, I don’t have the connections to be a support team character and I don’t have the patience to be a Summon. I hate my job, but this is the life I chose.... the life of a Mini–boss.
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About Handyone of us since 1:44 PM on 09.14.2009

Welcome to the blog.... you must be bored. anyway im Handy, I'm a student in Ireland and I'm here to talk about whatever may come into my mind....so not much then.

Lets see... I’ve been playing games pretty much my whole life, since my Commodore back in the day to my ps3 now I’ve been hooked. Actually come to think of it I can’t remember a time I wasn’t playing games. Can’t say I have a favourite genre, I like to try a bit of everything, though I will go to town on a good RPG. I’ll have something to fill in this space as soon as my life becomes interesting.

^^^ Seriously, I wrote that like four years ago and still nothing interesting has happened.

Like everyone else on Destructoid I’m at a loss on what to fill this space with so I guess I’ll just catalogue my greatest hits, if you can call a loose collection of lists and borderline pornographic fanart “greatest hits”.

Listmania – Because liking something isn’t as important as liking it in the correct order.

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs: Part two

Gamings Greatest Slinky Invisible Women with Huge Asses

E3 Approaches: The E3 survival guide!

Something about E3: 34 things you’ll have to hear soon

Lost? Lonely? Looking for Love?

Gaming’s worst legal guardians

Gaming DIY

Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s.....Shmay

Get a new look at the Gaming Salon!


The NPC survival guide

Game lessons that don’t work in real life

Fanart Flops – Because you must suffer.

Fanart Flops: Back by (Un)Popular Demand

Fanart Flops: Eyebleach, I Choose You Edition

Fanart Flops: Octopus Hojo Edition

Fanart Flops: Stop Raping My Childhood Edition

Fanart Flops. (Possibly NSFW)

Wankery – The terrible results of when I pretend I’m smart.

Dear Industry: I Am Not a Psychopath

Final Fantasy Versus Itself

Only Human

The culture Gap

Sargasm – Because I’m kind of a dick.

Darksiders 2 in a nutshell

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

How Dare You, Capcom

Death to Red Shepard!

How to make a sequel

Why FFXIII is the worst one EVAR!

The Scandalous Scam of Samit Sarkar!

In the name of SCIENCE!!!

Front page – When Destructoid has terrible lapses in judgement.

Top 12 Videogame porno parodies (NSFW)

Handy’s X-mas X-travaganza begins now!

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs

Comments of the Week: Busst Stop

Comments of the week: George Michael Warfare 3

Don’t forget Comments of the Week

Comments of the Week: Tinfoil Hat Edition

Just because.
PSN ID:Handy2


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