I Suck at Games: Wii Fit

There are a lot of games I'm terrible at, from shoot-em-ups to RTSes with plenty more inbetween. Usually when a game defeats me, I either man up and keep playing until I can conquer it, or let it go and move on. Wii Fit is different. Wii Fit is the devil.

I tried getting better; for a while I thought I was actually losing weight. Then I realized that I hadn't seated the balance board on my carpet correctly, and my measurements were just wrong. My balance never improved - I'm too lazy to even think about how I shift my weight during the day. With little visible progress, and no real 'fun' to be had from Wii Fit's balance mini-games and yoga business, I decided to stop caring; bitch, I ain't got the time. But Wii Fit isn't so easy to leave behind.


source image courtesy Dddeco/Wikimedia Commons

I'm constantly reminded of my failure at Wii Fit. More than just seeing the unused piece of Nintendo-branded exercise equipment sitting under my TV; every time I wind myself on a flight of stairs - every time I almost trip over thin air - every time I get dressed in the morning. I can just picture that little anthropomorphic balance board mocking me. "Balance your weight between your heels and toes! Eat slowly to give your stomach time to digest food! Avoid midnight snacks!" Dick.

Wii Fit keeps challenging me to lose weight, and I keep failing. Yet I can't quit. Every so often I'll check my weight again, thinking this time, that balance test will bow before me. But while I train my reflexes and earn experience points in other games, Wii Fit's challenge isn't something I can overcome so easily. I'm still unbalanced and borderline overweight. So I shove the board back under the TV, microwave my dinner, and the cycle continues.

That anthropomorphic balance board? I'll see him in hell. He'll be the one with the horns.