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Aborto's Ultimate Tag Team Contest: Relentless Annihilation and Violent Rape Edition


This is my entry for Aborto Fetus's Swag Giveaway Contest that ends this Thursday (so, don't even bother). He started the contest in honor of the XBLA re-release of Marvel vs. Capcom 2 which is hands down, my FAVORITE fighting game ever. Speaking of, remind me to purchase it so I can partake in some FNF with the rest of you guys as soon as my account is no longer suspended... >_>

Anyway, I chose Spawn, Carnage and Pyramid Head for a lot of obvious and specific reasons. One of those reasons I picked them is because I've always been a little naughty at heart. Harley Quinn is my idol and I'd love to kill time and boredom like Bad Girl does. So knowing that, OF COURSE I would want a tag team of some of the most ruthless, violent (and just plain bad ass) guys around. I think that these three are THE Ultimate Tag Team around and it'd take massive firepower as well as a listening God to take all three of them down.

Spawn is possibly one of the coolest comic book characters ever in existence. That's just fact right there but believe it or not, I chose him for more than one reason. I picked him mainly because of his awesome suit. His shroud, spikes, chains, and skulls are all part of an organism bonded to his central nervous system that will protect him. A part of his physical powers actually come from his suit. He can transform the shroud into a battle axe to cut every one of his foe's limbs off with ease. The shroud itself is an effective offensive weapon that's able to strike in battle with extreme precision, severing limbs, and disarming enemies.

Spawn's vast magical powers are especially amazing, though. His body is composed of 450 pounds of Necroplasm which is what gives him superhuman strength and durability. When harmed, his internal organs magically re-appear when he regenerates his wounds kind of like Wolverine from X-Men. He's uses his abilities wisely, relying primarily on his suit's natural abilities or weapons rather than the magical abilities during combat. Spawn can also resurrect the dead, fire blasts of Necroplasmic energy at his enemies (HE WILL SHOOT YOU WITH LAZERZ!!), teleport, shift his shape, and cure the sick. He's practically immortal unless beheaded by a weapon of heaven AND GOOD LUCK FINDING ONE!!

Having the spawn of hell in MVC3 would be the shit because (like Jill) I could just sick a legion of corpses on enemies to take care of my light work. Then I'll chop off the limbs and shoot the rest.

Carnage was born for annihilating everything in his waking path. As a child, he pushed his grandmother down the stairs, tortured his dog and burnt down his orphanage. So, if you haven't noticed, he's kind of fucked in the head which makes him a perfect part of my Ultimate Tag Team. He's bloodthirsty and unstoppable. Carnage is way stronger than Spider Man and Venom combined. He can shape-shift, create weapons like knives and axes with his symbiote and insert crazy ideas into people's heads. He can crawl like Spider Man so he's just as agile and can kill and get away with ease. Also, he can regenerate when wounded and is immune to infection and disease. In your face, AIDS!!

Carnage even developed an immunity to the sonic booms that symbiotes are usually vulnerable to so that means you can't just ring a big ass Liberty bell to stop him. It's obvious why I picked Carnage; he is insane and just does whatever the hell he wants for the taste of blood. He kills mainly for his own pleasure, but also sees it as a form of art. And to put the icing on top of the morbid cake, Carnage is known for writing "Carnage Rules" on the walls with his victim's blood. Yeah, just try to stop him. Also also, don't forget, recruiting Carnage and having him on my good side also lets me use his army of psychopathic super villains including Shriek, Demogoblin, Carrion, and Doppelganger. Booyahhhh.

If he was in MVC3, he wouldn't even have a real moveset, you couldn't even control him, he would just strike on his own whenever the hell he felt like. That's how much of a bad ass he is.

If anyone who has played Silent Hill could describe Pyramid Head in one word, they would all say the same thing, "Baaaad." It just slips off the tongue. "Baaaaad" just happens to be the word that fits the most with Pyramid Head. He doesn't have to own a huge arsenal of weaponry to kill you, just one long sharp and fear-inducing knife to rip you apart. Pyramid Head murders his victims in extremely painful and violent manners both physically and mentally.

Just remember...

Don't deny that you're secretly jealous of the mannequins he constantly has his way with. Pyramid Head's sex appeal alone could be my only reason for picking him. Plus, you can't say "no" to Pyramid Head without having a gaping asshole that resembles bloody lunchmeat when you walk away. He is a vindictive murdering rapist with a demented mind and a slow swagger. Not to mention that it's Rape O' Clock all of the time on his watch so if you don't want to get brutally beaten AND RAPED, then don't fuck with my Ultimate Tag Team.

If Pyramid Head was in MVC3, he'd just stand there menacingly and get hit points. When he feels like it, he'll tackle his foe and butt rape would ensue. Afterwards, he'll just cut you.

So, those are my picks. The rules for the contest was that the entries had to include at least one video game character and at least one comic book character. I was thinking of taking the easy route and including Spider Man for his endless abilities or Master Chief because of his shooting skills and cool weapons but those guys are too predictable and to be honest, a little too boring for me. No offense to both because I do love them but I want people to FEAR my posse. These three are the epitome of "FEAR" and they are practically unstoppable. Plus...

What's more scarier than an axe in your skull, a dislocated jaw and the smell of rape? Nothing.


PS: This contest really let the comic book loving geek in me come out to play so I kind of nerdgasmed, deciding to make a couple of slideshows to tribute my Ultimate Tag Team. If you want, you can check them out. They're really not that interesting though lol.

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About RiotMonsterone of us since 8:35 PM on 02.11.2008


How's it hanging nerdlings, geekettes, /b/asement-dwellers, stoners, web monkeys, indie devs, lurkers, trolls & industry fat cats?~

In case you don't know a lick about me, I joined Destructoid quite a few sunsets ago in the early Spring of 2008, when someone from the Internet kindly informed me that Destructoid would "eat your unborn babies". Having an insatiable taste for mucus-covered, unborn babies, I knew what I had to do. Plus, people were like "WHAT THE @#$% YOU TALKING BOUT MAN?!1! WE GOT XBOX AND PLAYSTATION BITCH NIGGAH!!1!" Naturally, I was in. Since then I lurke your forums, read your c-blawgs, listen to your podcasts and lul silently. Also, cocks.


Like most people, I have a wide range of interests. I adore anything from goofy people, offensive jokes, zombie flicks, stand-up comedians, and mind-altering experiences, to comic books, sexual positivity, philosophy, mysteries, and general bizarreness.

Also, I'm a die-hard gamer and I have an animated eagerness for spilling pixelated blood and a never-ending appetite for slaughtering moving polygons. I like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back broad. I was born with a sarcastic mindset, dark sense of humor, and an uttermost weakness for impassioned babble sessions about any video game (8-bit to 1080p) to date. I may be unorganized, immature, and irresponsible but Iím the funnest chick youíll have the chance to get teamed up with on xbox live.

You might spot me at any olí party with my signature tangled hair, ripped Hello Kitty pajama pants, and a battle-worn shirt. The girl who's most likely flapping her tongue, detailing the last minute curb stomp in her freshest match, growling about big corporations and government conspiracies, exploring the concept of eccentric theories or geeking out about some other irrelevant crap. The girl who strives to learn something new every day and genuinely enjoys turning strangers into friends.

That pathetic excuse for the girl next door, is me. If Iím not your cup of tea, you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Bullets, babes & bombs,

Last bit!~
Honestly, if you ever happen to have a hankering to just chill, blast some good jams & relish in lighthearted, videogame-related, blood-spraying with me... Hit me up. Shoot me a message if you want to talk about anything at all really, I'm a bit of an open book and not a bad listener, if I do say so myself. And hey~ If you let me, Iíll cheerfully put a couple of spiffy dreadlocks in your hair.


Atari 2600
Super NES
Nintendo 64
Nintendo GameCube
Nintendo DS Lite [Own]
Nintendo DSi
Nintendo Wii
Game Boy Original
Game Boy Color
Game Boy Pocket [Own]
Game Boy Advance SP
Sony PS2 Slim
Sony PSP
Sony PS3 [Own]
Sega Genesis
Sega Saturn
Sega Dreamcast
Xbox 360 Elite
Xbox 360 Arcade
Xbox 360 Slim [Own]


Action Role-playing
First-person Shooter
Third-person Shooter


It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia


Beer Pong

My Halo Days

Destructoids' Resident Bad Asses

Destructoids's Comic Artist Mikey, because of my severe addiction to the Dtoid forums, he made me an Easter Egg once. :)

MOMerator Zodiac Eclipse, because she owns SO HARD for this. (Bongette or Bob-ong)

Phallus Knife Fight drew this and it's fuckin EXCELLENT.

Epic-bearded Samurai Y0j1mb0 made me this because we're going to get hammered one of these days.

Xbox LIVE:The Kush Kitten
PSN ID:TheKushKitten


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