The Secret Origins of the Helghast

10:47 AM on 03.06.2009 (server time)0

During a recent session on Killzone 2 I began to wonder on the historical starting point for the Bo Bells born collection of Space Nazis called the Helghast so I began to look at them a little deeper and came to a shocking realisation. Carry on dear reader as I delve into the . . .

The Helghast are decended from London taxi drivers. How this happened is anyones guess maybe the minicab drivers forced them out, maybe the the coach laid on for Fulham football club supporters to go to away games got lost, either way we can begin to paint a picture of how early Helghan society was formed. After arriving on the planet they set about turning it into a home away from home by setting up a monarchy to run things without all of that Parliament or democracy bussiness getting in the way of dealing with any "darkies" or "pufters" who might follow them there and start stealing thier jobs or any women who might forget thier place in the kitchen. Once this was done a rudamentory system was created using bits of copper and silver from the change box and some old Kit-Kat wrappers found in the glove box that replecated the gray drizzly weather of dear old England. When word reached them that the ISA (or as the Helghast where fond of calling them during peace talks "the Blahdy Yanks") were colonising a near by planet they began to form a strong military force basing thier uniforms, in tribute, off of the designs for the great British hackney cab wearing all black with bright orange illumination.

So the next time you play Killzone 2 and see a Helghast taking the longest possible route to gouge a hole in the back of your head with a machine gun, it's not the AI going funny it's just genetic instinct.

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About Ian Robertsone of us since 7:09 PM on 05.05.2008

Hello folks, first off thanks for reading mah blog. I hope it was fun, informative and educational or at the very least a series of words with badly photoshoped pictures.

My real name is Ian, although Shakey is a more commonly used nickname and thus my gamertag/internet name. I'm from Liverpool in Britain and have been playing games since the heady days of the Commodore64.

Favourite game: Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Best console ever: Dreamcast
Best handheld: GameBoy Advance SP
Team Fortress 2 Class: Medic
Xbox 360: #1 Bricked (E-74), #2 Running fine
Resident Evils played: 6
Resident Evils beaten: 5
Pads broken: 2
Friends punched during a game of Street Fighter II: 1
Games imported from Japan: 1 (Godzilla something or other)
Personal favourite car in Gran Turismo: Mazda MX-5 (custom)
Times felated in PlayStation Home: 0
Favourite piece of classical music: Les Toreadors from "Carmen"
Favourite classic movie: Cassablanca or The Longest Day
Favourite modern film: Zatoichi (the Beat Takeshi version)
Religious view: Misanthropy
Person I would most like to drop down a well: Piers Morgan
Vehicle I would most like to race the Gumball in: Ice Cream Van
Favouite Comedian: Bill Bailey

I came to Dtiod
Prior to my settling in to Dtiod I had haunted a small number of forums and found them to be either cliquey, unwelcoming or just a bunch of cocks. I had read the site for some time and enjoyed it's more quirky, down to earth view of video games and so I lurked and eventually plucked up the courage to do a Cblog, post on the forums and even venture into the IRC. It is without a shadow of a doubt the best online community I've ever found.

I can be found most often in the forums, specifically in The Podcastle section of which the awesome Technophile made me King. If you need somethying shooping, give us a shout and I'll be more than happy to do so. :D